Search Results for: robert firestone

4 Reasons to Take Ownership of Your Feelings

…rcy of our parents. In discussing this, my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, wrote, “Later as an adult, things happen that are sometimes beyond your control and understanding. However, the adult who is still playing the child victim role… just keeps noticing over and over that the situation is unreasonable, unfair or threatening but doesn’t make the appropriate adaptive responses.” 3. It stops us from digging deeper. Your biggest e…

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The Perfect ‘Imperfect’ Relationship

…intimacy” is a concept elaborated on by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, in his book Fear of Intimacy. Because all relationships are likely to challenge us, the best relationship advice I can give is to find someone you really like and invest in that relationship. Stop looking for the perfect partner and start focusing on what you need to address within yourself in order to achieve a more ideal romance. A relationship is one of…

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Protected: When Grief Goes Viral: Video and Resources

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Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

…s who we are. When a couple enters what my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, terms a “Fantasy Bond,” they start to replace substantive, loving actions with the form of being a couple. The practicalities and routines remain, but the liveliness starts to fizzle. To avoid this fantasy connection, it’s important to keep taking loving actions that our partner would experience as loving, to continue to be affectionate, make eye contact,…

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Why We Won’t Let Ourselves Be Happy

…past. Breaking a point of identity can shatter what my father psychologist Robert Firestone’s described as a “fantasy bond,” which we experienced with influential figures in our upbringing. Even a parent who was hurtful to us in many ways was someone we once depended on for survival. Therefore, it may have been more favorable to maintain a fantasy that we were connected to them in some way that’s frightening to break later in life. Recent studies…

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What Drives Our Loneliness?

…d somewhat emotionally deadened way of being and living,“ wrote my father, Robert Firestone, in a book we co-authored Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion. Individuals build certain psychological defenses to adapt to their early environment that can hurt or limit them in their current lives. These defenses can lead to feelings of alienation, isolation, and depression. To truly face and fight our loneliness, we have to look inside at these dee…

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Are You Living with an Accidental Identity?

…lives. In a recent interview I did with my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, he elaborated on how an individual forms a sense of identity. He described how from the moment children are born, they start to be defined by their parents, and they incorporate painful experiences. While most parents have the best intentions for their children, no parent (or person) is perfect. Often, without realizing it, parents make inaccurate projecti…

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Changing Your Sense of Identity

…Voice Therapy is a method developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, to help people identify and act against their “critical inner voice,” a negative internal dialogue that criticizes and undermines us and others in ways that hurt and limit us in our lives. The steps of Voice Therapy help us to identify the destructive things we’re telling ourselves. Some of these are right at the surface. “You’re so stupid, fat, ugly, lazy…

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ways to beat insecurity

Three Ways to Beat Your Insecurity

…py is a cognitive/affective/behavioral approach developed by my father Dr. Robert Firestone to help people challenge this critical inner voice. There are five important steps to Voice Therapy. Step 1 Vocalize or write down your self-critical thoughts in the second person. For instance, instead of writing “I’m so stupid, ugly, worthless, boring,” you would write, “You’re so stupid, ugly, worthless, boring.” This process helps to separate these vici…

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Why Some Men Give Up Their Identity in a Relationship

…at is vital, independent, and attractive to the other person. Writer, poet Robert Bly, offered insight into this phenomenon. He observed from his work with men that many boys growing up are more sensitive and able to care about their partner’s feelings and health. They are better at sharing in domestic responsibilities such as childcare and household chores. They may be more emotionally attentive to others, and yet, they’re not always in tune with…

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