…don’t want to be with us romantically? My father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, recently commented, “It’s amazing how people will suck the marrow out of rejection.” While most of us like to think that all we want is true love, the reality is, many of us are addicted to rejection. Rejection validates the negative point of view of what my father calls a “critical inner voice.” This “voice” represents an internal enemy shaped out of nega…
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…g in our relationship. This mode of imagined relating is what psychologist Robert W. Firestone, refers to as a “fantasy bond.” A fantasy bond represents a fused identity as a couple that replaces the initial excitement and mutual respect we once felt as two individuals who loved and cared for each other. When we give up our individuality for the security of imagining that we are part of a couple, we lose the attraction we once felt toward each oth…
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…ir self-perception, and helps them to develop what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, and I have defined as the “Self-System.” The Self System describes the unique make-up of the individual that exists inherently, which is then informed by a harmonious identification with and incorporation of a parent’s positive attitudes and traits. When parents feel good about themselves, they are much better able to extend this positive sense of self to…
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…other level our defenses are being threatened. According to my father, Dr. Robert Firestone, author of Fear of Intimacy, there are many reasons our fears around relationships get ignited, but here are five primary sources. 1. Real love makes us feel vulnerable. Stepping into the unknown (especially something that makes us feel different about ourselves) can be inherently frightening. 2. New love stirs up past hurts. Sadly, being loved in a way…
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…nsive psychological theory developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, the “fantasy bond” describes a way of relating that serves as a substitute for a truly loving relationship As my father has written of the fantasy bond, “This illusion of connection and closeness allows [a couple] to maintain an imagination of love and loving, while preserving emotional distance.” As one woman who was going through a divorce after six year…
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…ssed by the parallels between Arianna’s inspiring message and my father’s, Robert Firestone, and my own 30 years of research into the concept of the “critical inner voice.” Like the “obnoxious roommate” described by Arianna, the inner voice represents an internalized critic that we all possess to varying degrees. Although this isn’t an actual voice we hear, the critical inner voice describes destructive thoughts we all experience toward ourselves,…
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…. The Critical Inner Voice, a concept generated by my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, is formed early in life during stressful and traumatic events. Just as positive childhood experiences lead to confidence, ability and optimism, negative experiences lead us to low self-esteem, self-destructive behaviors and pessimism. The Critical Inner Voice thus describes a dynamic operating within each of us that causes us to relive rather than live our…
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…interpersonal relationships, both I and my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, Ph.D., have closely followed hundreds of clients and case studies of couples. In our research we have found overwhelming consistency in certain behavioral patterns that systematically sabotage real intimacy. First off, the search for a partner to whom we feel a real attraction and deep connection is a challenge that it would be foolish to underestimate. Th…
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…on and self-realization, and serves as the core resistance to psychotherapy and a more happy and harmonious life. Learn more about Dr. Robert Firestone’s book The Self Under Siege…
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