Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/11/fear-of-intimacy

Why Am I Still Single? 8 Reasons People Often Stay Single

…want a relationship or just haven’t found the right person… Learn More 3) Fear of Intimacy As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, wrote in his article “You Don’t Want What You Say You Want,” “Most of us profess that we want to find a loving partner, but the experience of real love disrupts fantasies of love that have served as a survival mechanism since early childhood… Pushing away and punishing the beloved acts to preserve one’…

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Fantasy Bond

…on of a fantasy bond. Why do couples form a fantasy bond? Most people have fears of intimacy and are self-protective and at the same time are terrified of being alone. Their solution to their emotional dilemma is to form a fantasy bond. This illusion of connection and closeness allows them to maintain an imagination of love and loving while preserving emotional distance. Destructive fantasy bonds, which exist in a large majority of relationships,…

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Personal Power by Robert Firestone, Ph.D.

…self-destructive or threaten suicide are especially effective in eliciting fear responses in their loved ones. Overt negative power is characterized by aggressive tendencies and is exercised through the use of domination, coercion, or force to control others. It can be manifested within a relationship or become a significant part of a political or social movement. Totalitarian governments and tyrannical leaders are examples of this type of destruc…

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The Fantasy Bond in Couple Relationships

…past and present life. Couples seek security at the expense of feeling and intimacy, a dynamic which gradually leads to deterioration in their relationship. In an effective couple’s therapy, fantasy bonds are exposed, understood, and worked through in the context of each person’s fears and defenses. Partners are encouraged to: (1)recognize the existence of their fantasy bond and stop denying that they have become distant from one another; (2) reve…

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The Perfect ‘Imperfect’ Relationship

…ally spark a lot of anxiety, catapulting us into an identity crisis. This “fear of intimacy” is a concept elaborated on by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, in his book Fear of Intimacy. Because all relationships are likely to challenge us, the best relationship advice I can give is to find someone you really like and invest in that relationship. Stop looking for the perfect partner and start focusing on what you need to address…

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What Inside Out Can Teach us about Loving our Kids

…ely about the importance of feeling emotions. In the film, Coping with the Fear of Intimacy, he remarks on the irony of people’s fear of sadness, noting that, in his experience, they always feel better when they feel the sadness and get it out. As Firestone says, “Sadness tends to center people” (2000). Joseph Forgas of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley agrees that sadness has value in our lives. In his article titled “Four Ways Sadne…

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Death Anxiety

…control over others and by achieving financial success. Although conscious fears of death may be temporarily alleviated by these methods, the same fears still exist on an unconscious level and can actually increase in intensity as an individual amasses greater power. Self-nurturing: Addictive behaviors and substance abuse support a person’s feeling of omnipotence and contribute to a pseudo-independent attitude of self-sufficiency. People use incre…

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Self-consciousness

Self-Consciousness: How to Reduce Self-Consciousness

…ith us can come from early feelings of shame, fear, or frustration. As Dr. Lisa Firestone said: Our critical inner voices are embedded in our earliest childhood experiences and are reinforced throughout childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood. While the negative inner voice can be affected and sometimes worsened by current day life experiences such as significant trauma or abusive relationships, it does not develop suddenly in adults; it’s base…

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Anxious Attachment: Understanding Insecure Anxious Attachment

…$49 On-Demand Webinars     In this Webinar: This online workshop with Dr. Lisa Firestone will provide tools to help people heal insecure attachment, resolve trauma, integrate their… Learn More How does an anxious attachment manifest in adulthood? Children who have an anxious attachment often grow up to have preoccupied attachment patterns. As adults, they tend to be self-critical and insecure. They seek approval and reassurance from others, yet t…

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Live Your Own Life

…f what makes you happy and gives your life meaning. Plus, according to Dr. Lisa Firestone, “You have the most value in the world around you when you find and invest in the gifts that you uniquely have to offer.” Advice such as “follow your passion” may sound cliché, however research has actually proven that people are not only happier when they follow their passions, they are also more likely to excel in their chosen careers and activities. A rece…

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