Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/11/fear-of-intimacy

9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor

…ble and chaotic to hold with curious awareness. Feeling alone with intense fear and anxiety triggers the urgent need to protect one’s self. Instead, a person seeks to escape overwhelming feelings, because there’s no way to explore them safely. Trauma survivors learn to adapt. They develop responses that may seem like self-care, but are actually coping mechanisms – the best self-care that can be done at that time. Coping often includes hiding your…

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VIDEO: Dr. Peter Levine Case Example of Somatic Experiencing Approach for PTSD

…, there was a fire-fight, friends were killed. This whole experience — the fear, the terror, the boredom, and then the explosion — this all gets together. But if you’re locked like this, there’s nowhere you can go. You have to help the person get out of the shock. Then, they can begin to start processing the emotional stuff. So this whole defensive response, like mine in the car accident, got locked into his body and as we teased that apart, in th…

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VIDEO: Dr. Peter Levine on Somatic Experiencing Approach and Titration

…a pigeon, a bird, and hold it in your hands and restrain it, even without fear, it stops fighting, it stops moving. And if the animal is frightened, it stays in longer and longer.So I started again doing more research and I’m sure that that image came from that graduate seminar because I realized that she was feeling immobile, and was feeling terrified and that this image of escape came clearly from what animals do after they’ve been in this immo…

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VIDEO: Dr. James Garbarino on Connection Between Violent Men and Childhood Trauma

…onsciousness about that wounded child. And the anger of that child and the fear of that child. And now, in a big body, they’re doing things on behalf of that child without even having an awareness of it. And sometimes, it’s almost hard to believe how unaware they are. I mean, one example is a guy I was interviewing who had murdered a police officer. And like a lot of these guys, he had been abandoned by his mother as a child. And, you know, you ca…

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VIDEO: Dr. James Garbarino Talks About the Impact of the Secrecy that is Common Among Adolescent Girls in our Society

…ess to is disclosure and this ability to tell what’s happening without the fear that you will lose your parents’ love and you will be rejected. That, I think, is the central dynamic that could be preventive and in many cases, obviously, isn’t. It’s going to be very hard to get around that to the other girls because there’s this big elephant, the gorilla in the middle of the room, that, if you’re not dealing with that, it’s very inefficient to do o…

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VIDEO: Dr. Allan Schore on the Psycho-Biological Nature of Suicidality

…e, that’s problematic because the right amygdule is essentially the threat/fear/danger center of the brain. And when dis-regulated, it will drive intensely negative affects as we see here. So essentially, you’re looking at a person who does not have the opportunity to use the higher four centers of the brain, the higher centers of the right frontal areas, to regulate their own states. And the reason for that again is because of their immature matu…

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How To Be Assertive While Keeping A Kind Heart

…n’t want to let her down. Your boss asks you to take on a project that you fear will be overwhelming but you worry about the consequences of saying no. These—or similar situations–are just a few examples of times when you might want to be assertive but find yourself holding back because you are afraid of negative outcomes. If you are like most people, it may be difficult to know when it is appropriate to speak up and when it is best to be quiet an…

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One Surprising Reason We Sabotage Love

…e felt close to her partner, she would start to experience an overwhelming fear that he was cheating on her. While her boyfriend seemed honest and trustworthy, she’d drive herself crazy wondering where he was and who he might be with. She found herself feeling desperate toward him, calling, texting and “checking in” at all hours. The more insecure she became, the more her boyfriend would clam up and become distant, which would exacerbate her fears…

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How to Break the Cycle of Child Abuse

…become intimidating and lash out at our children, they teach their kids to fear them. This can create ruptures in their attachment style and damage their sense of well-being. 5. Repair. Because we are human, we are bound to make mistakes. We will not be perfect with our children 100 percent of the time. What we can do when we mess up is repair. Dr. Daniel Siegel, co-author of No-Drama Discipline, describes a process of rupture and repair, which es…

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6 Rules to Live By When You Discipline Your Child

…lesson their parent was trying to get across. What they do remember is the fear that overcame them when that parent lost his or her cool. The best thing parents can do before they approach their child is to calm down themselves. Take a few breaths, find a way to relax, then address the situation. 2. Think about the outcome. Discipline isn’t effective when it’s a matter of releasing your own frustration. Yelling at your kid, “Why are you throwing a…

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