…t to shake off. But what are the risks of indulging in cynical attitudes? A 2009 study of more than 97,000 women showed that optimistic women had lower rates of coronary heart disease, cancer-related deaths, and mortality. Conversely, women with the most pessimistic and cynical personalities, had higher rates of these diseases and death. When we think of hostility and negativity as life-threatening conditions, it makes the goal of being less cynic…
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…. Better Sleep A good night’s sleep may be a few grateful thoughts away. In 2009, researchers discovered that gratitude predicted greater subjective sleep quality and sleep duration as well as less sleep latency and daytime dysfunction in those studied. The study was noted as being the first to show that a positive trait is related to good sleep quality above the effect of other personality traits. Thus, focusing on more positive thoughts of thing…
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Christine A. Courtois, PhD, is an expert in psychological trauma. In this exclusive interview series she discusses a variety of topics including childhood trauma, complex trauma, the critical inner voice, violence, incest and parenting. YouTube responded with an error: The playlist identified with the request’s <code>playlistId</code> parameter cannot be found. Order the Full DVD Interview: Attachment, Trauma and Dissociation In this DVD, Dr…
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…at we should feel guilty for being the one to survive. This voice can also feed us thoughts that the way we’re grieving is somehow wrong. It may tell us that we’re feeling “too much,” that we’re being weak, and we should toughen up. Or it may accuse us of not feeling enough, asking “What’s wrong with you? You’re not as sad as you should be.” The reality is most everyone has self-attacking thoughts after a loss. Their inner critic turns much of the…
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…goal is to get healthier by exercising more, our critical inner voice may feed us thoughts that at first seem friendly, such as: Just sleep in a little longer. You can’t run today. You need your rest. Wouldn’t it be nice to head straight home instead of going to the gym? It’s been a tough day. You did well yesterday. Take it easy and start again tomorrow. The trouble is, once we’ve taken its advice, the tone of our inner critic quickly changes: Y…
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…. For example, a person may feel angry in response to feeling hurt or feel fearful or guilty in response to their anger. When anger is understood as a primary response to something, perhaps mistreatment or injustice, it can be helpful. Greenberg breaks down how emotions that are “assessed for their useful information” can be valuable to us, and accessing them can even lead to relief. However, maladaptive emotions old, familiar feelings that occur…
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…someone or letting someone really get to know us on a more intimate level. Fears will naturally arise, as will the pain of past hurts. We may experience these emotions in the form of anxiety or an instinct to hit the brakes. We may even resort to old defenses that lead us to pull away from someone before they can get too close to us. The best thing we can do is be aware of these reactions. Notice when they arise, but stand firm in our determinatio…
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…rns, she’d discover that during a growth spurt, a baby will often “cluster feed” for a week or two. An understanding of this important phase in her son’s life can help the mother be much more patient and understanding, even if she continues to feel a bit frustrated about the amount of time she’s spending nursing. The same would apply to a toddler. A father can address the tantrums of his two-year-old much more lovingly and effectively if he has an…
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…re are many you can control or at least manage. There are things that will feed or exacerbate the stress and anxiety you are feeling right now—and things you can do to reduce it. My suggestion is to empower yourself to make choices that support your safest, calmest, healthiest self. It’s time for you to receive the nurturing you deserve! What’s going to make the stress worse? Constant news intake Social Isolation Not having any alone time Anxiety-…
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…this support. There’s on line support group, there’s co-workers, there’s friends from earlier in your life who can be on the telephone or shoot you an email. On our website for the book, www.changeologybook.com, we even have a list of apps and websites that will feed you inspiring quotes and motivational messages. For a while, I thought that was like, “Well, I’m not sure that would really be useful.” It turns out the research suggests that it doe…
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