Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/11/fear-of-intimacy

love and deception

Overcoming the Real Pain of Break Ups, Affairs and Rejections

…ave often observed what my father, psychologist and theorist Dr. Robert W. Firestone, refers to as the “critical inner voice” to be the chief culprit in making break ups and affairs a matter of humiliation. While one would never think badly of a friend (or film star) who had been hurt by a significant other, rarely do people maintain the same standards for themselves. Instead, when they are hurt, they start to have harsh attacking thoughts toward…

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Improve Your Mood Instantly

…ghts, antithetical toward self and cynical toward others, which Dr. Robert Firestone refers to as the “critical inner voice.” I was left wondering when the subjects in the study were daydreaming, were they in fact absorbed in thoughts and “voices” that represented their anti-self? The critical inner voice undermines the ability to interpret events realistically, triggers negative moods, and sabotages the pursuit of satisfaction and joy in life. Th…

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A New Slant on Vulnerability: Strength Not Weakness

…fman: In our culture the idea of being vulnerable is associated with being fearful, anxious, and weak. For example, politicians and business leaders tend to project an air of invulnerability. In contrast, one of your central ideas is that vulnerability is an adaptive and desirable state to live in. I’d never thought about it that way before. What exactly do you mean by the word “vulnerable”? Robert Firestone: It’s a complicated issue, but looking…

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Vulnerability, Psychalive, Dr. Robert Firestone, psychotherapy, critical inner voice

On Being Vulnerable: Part I

…fman: In our culture the idea of being vulnerable is associated with being fearful, anxious, and weak. For example, politicians and business leaders tend to project an air of invulnerability. In contrast, one of your central ideas is that vulnerability is an adaptive and desirable state to live in. I’d never thought about it that way before. What exactly do you mean by the word “vulnerable”? Robert Firestone: It’s a complicated issue, but looking…

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connection in quarantine

Connection in Quarantine

…t all other screens and distractions. Simply being present cultivates deep intimacy, and your connection will deepen all the more when you’re able to meet up in real life. Don’t cut corners Treat your virtual date like a real date: dress up, ask thoughtful questions and engage in meaningful conversation, flirt with your eyes and words. Be creative Plan a fun activity you both enjoy. Of course, your fun activity will be in your own respective home,…

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relationship fights

Why You Pick Fights with Your Partner… and How to Stop

…t or disappoint us again. We can counter our negative expectations and our fears around intimacy by changing our focus from what our partner does wrong to what they do right. We can achieve this by making a point to notice what we are grateful for in our partner and by then expressing our gratitude toward them. It may feel like it’s hard to let things go, but you can ignore the “voices” that are pointing out “but he said this” and “but she did tha…

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Why We Should Stop Treating Love Like a “Pie”

…rt of the reason people fall into a more limited view of love is that they fear their partner will have less to give them when they love something or someone else as well. Again, I’m not talking about another romantic partner, but if for instance, a person shows passion for a special interest or in their friends, their job, their kids, or even a hobby that lights them up, these things shouldn’t be perceived as threatening or infringing upon their…

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pat love relationship experts

Experts at Home: Dr. Pat Love on Relationships During the Time of Covid-19

  In our first Experts at Home conversation, Dr. Lisa Firestone interviews relationship expert Dr. Pat Love. They discuss common relationship challenges in the time of Covid-19 and how couples can use this challenging time as an opportunity for growth. You can download the questions for connecting exercise Dr. Pat Love mentions in the interview here: Connecting and Reconnecting Exercise Handout Watch Now:   Subscribe to PsychAlive (it’s free!) to…

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No Resolutions for Me

…break from being in a state of flight, fight or freeze in response to the fear and anxiety caused by this pandemic. Our lives have been upset by changes in routines, disruption of work and school schedules, financial uncertainty, disconnection from friends and family, and loss of loved ones. Reflecting So, I’m going to take the time I normally set aside for reflecting upon the last year and planning for the new one, and instead I’m not going to t…

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death anxiety, death awareness, psychalive, Dr Sheldon Solomon

Creating Meaning by Facing Our Mortality

…Conversely, both Dr. Solomon and my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, argue that when death awareness isn’t denied, but recognized, we can use it to promote peace and compassion. The idea that, as humans, we are all in the same boat (“all be it a sinking boat,” as Dr. Solomon points out) promotes a sense of equality and togetherness. The acknowledgement that our physical selves share the same fate, and that we all hold the same fea…

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