Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/11/fear-of-intimacy

Voice Therapy: A Psychotherapeutic Approach to Self-Destructive Behavior

by Robert W. Firestone, Ph.D. Foreword by Joseph Richman, Ph.D. Voice Therapy: A Psychotherapeutic Approach to Self-Destructive Behavior is a thought-provoking work that provides clinicians with a detailed description of Voice Therapy, an innovative therapeutic procedure developed by Dr. Robert W. Firestone that can be used to elicit and bring to the foreground negative thought patterns antithetical to the self and cynical toward others (the crit…

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Vulnerability, Psychalive, Dr. Robert Firestone, psychotherapy, critical inner voice

On Being Vulnerable: Part I

…fman: In our culture the idea of being vulnerable is associated with being fearful, anxious, and weak. For example, politicians and business leaders tend to project an air of invulnerability. In contrast, one of your central ideas is that vulnerability is an adaptive and desirable state to live in. I’d never thought about it that way before. What exactly do you mean by the word “vulnerable”? Robert Firestone: It’s a complicated issue, but looking…

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A New Slant on Vulnerability: Strength Not Weakness

…fman: In our culture the idea of being vulnerable is associated with being fearful, anxious, and weak. For example, politicians and business leaders tend to project an air of invulnerability. In contrast, one of your central ideas is that vulnerability is an adaptive and desirable state to live in. I’d never thought about it that way before. What exactly do you mean by the word “vulnerable”? Robert Firestone: It’s a complicated issue, but looking…

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The Myth of a Perfect Mother

…to be real people with them. In his latest book, Separation Theory, Robert Firestone writes that parental love “includes a willingness to be a real person with the child as opposed to acting the role of ‘mother’ or ‘father.’” Our children need us to step out from behind the role of Perfect Parent so they can see and know us as an authentic person. And they need to be related to by a genuine person to feel seen and real themselves. In Compassionate…

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Stay in Love by Staying Out of Fantasy

…s to forego their individually—losing the “me” to become a “we.” As Robert Firestone explains it, “Perhaps the most significant sign that a fantasy bond has been formed is when one or both partners give up vital areas of personal interest, their unique points of view and opinions, their individuality, to become a unit, a whole. The attempt to find security in an illusion of merging with another leads to an insidious and progressive loss of identit…

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How to Say What You Want in Your Relationship

…timized or childish. In his blog, “Don’t Play the Victim Game,” Dr. Robert Firestone wrote “Maintaining a child victim role leads to chronic passivity.” It’s important not to be passive aggressive toward your loved ones. You shouldn’t punish them for not knowing instinctively what you want or for failing to read your mind. No one can expect any one person to meet all their needs. Rather, you should strive to feel like a whole person in yourself. O…

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The Secret to Happiness and Well-Being

…sh their goals. This approach to life represents what my father Dr. Robert Firestone has identified as being in an adult mode, in contrast to maintaining a childish stance or adopting a parental/ judgmental point of view. He sees these characteristics as essential elements to being an emotionally healthy individual. The idea that resilience is one of the primary keys to well-being is backed by Dr. Salvatore Maddi’s 35 years of research into “hardi…

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The Inner Voices Behind Violent Behavior

…iewing, and assessing violent individuals, along with my father Dr. Robert Firestone, I began to recognize certain “voices” (negative thought processes) that flood the minds of these individuals influencing them to engage in acts of violence. These “voices” aren’t experienced as hallucinations but rather are a systematic pattern of negative thoughts against to the self, and hostile and suspicious toward others. We call these destructive thoughts “…

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Improve Your Mood Instantly

…ghts, antithetical toward self and cynical toward others, which Dr. Robert Firestone refers to as the “critical inner voice.” I was left wondering when the subjects in the study were daydreaming, were they in fact absorbed in thoughts and “voices” that represented their anti-self? The critical inner voice undermines the ability to interpret events realistically, triggers negative moods, and sabotages the pursuit of satisfaction and joy in life. Th…

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Leaving Your Childhood Behind to Become a Better Parent

…of “Voice Therapy,” developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, involves putting your critical thoughts in the second-person (as “you” statements.) My friend tried this exercise herself with journaling. First, she wrote down her most shameful feelings in relation to herself as a parent. Rather than writing, “I am a terrible mother,” she wrote, “You are a terrible mother.” She proceeded with, “Your son will grow up hating you….

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