Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/11/fear-of-intimacy

Keep Love Strong This Valentine’s Day and Beyond

…ways we push them away. Inviting open communication and being receptive to feedback can help us overcome the real obstacles in our relationships. Instead of making excuses or counterattacking when our partner gives us feedback, we should look for the kernel of truth in what they’re saying. Don’t pick apart what they are saying. Instead find what you think applies and be compassionate to how they feel. In this same manner, you should seek to be dir…

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Relationship Advice

Selling Out: Compromising Integrity in Intimate Relationships

…ve their power from unresolved past experiences that have left exaggerated fears of loss. They can run the gamut from urgent to mild. The problem is the high price you have paid. There are some universal fears that can drive even well-meaning and confident people to stray into that negative realm. For example, many people are more willing to sacrifice their integrity when they anticipate unbearable emotional loss. But many partners who are not fac…

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It’s Not You It’s Me: The Truth Behind The Excuse

…ople come up to me after my presentations to thank me and tell me that the fears of intimacy and defensive traits I have been outlining perfectly describe their partner. These people are essentially saying, “Yes, I know defenses are hurting my intimate relationship, but it’s not my defenses, it’s theirs.” In my professional experience, it is all too easy for people to identify issues in their partners and increasingly difficult for them to pinpoin…

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Why We Should Talk About Sex

…ng sexual relationship. Many people find it difficult to combine emotional intimacy and deep loving feelings with passionate sexuality. One reason this can occur, albeit mostly unconsciously, is that old issues from their past begin to surface. People may even start to experience “critical inner voices” about their sexuality that hold familiar themes from their past. For example, if you were hurt or rejected by the people who cared for you, you ma…

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Why You Should Be the One Who Loves More

…losing them or the life we are accustomed to. It is better to face these “fears of intimacy” than to turn against our relationship. We should fight to maintain our feelings of love, even when it is frightening to do so. No matter what, we can only feel our own feelings. Being loving is the best thing we can do for our own well-being, because it allows us to feel genuinely good about ourselves. It is a skill that benefits us in all of our relation…

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Five Things You Can Do Today to Feel Closer to Your Partner

…play it safe and resist really putting themselves out there, because they fear that they’ll feel foolish or be let down. Yet, we have to be willing to let our guard down and be vulnerable to receive love. Don’t be afraid to be daring when it comes to love. In her book, fittingly titled Daring to Love, author Tamsen Firestone wrote, “Never forget that love is not just a noun. It’s also a verb – an action. The source of your greatest power and free…

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Are You Sacrificing a Perfect Relationship for a Perfect Wedding?

…nt. As the married couple leaves childhood behind, deeper more existential fears are aroused, especially when they start thinking about having their own kids and facing a future together. 4) Don’t Let Stress Take Over. The natural fears that arise, coupled with more superficial pressures to make everything perfect, can leave you in a high state of stress in the months before your wedding. There are practical concerns to consider on behalf of yours…

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The Difference Between Emotional Hunger and Real Love

…e securely attached, harmonious in his /her relationships, and tolerant of intimacy as an adult. In contrast, contact with an emotionally hungry parent leaves a child impoverished, anxiously attached, and hurting. The more contact between this type of parent and the child, the more the parent is damaging to the child’s security and comfort. This style of relating–excessive touching, over-concern for the child or over-involvement in the child’s lif…

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Be Mine: Dealing with Possessiveness in a Relationship

…ings can spring from deeper struggles we have with trust, low self-esteem, fears of rejection, loss or intimacy itself. These deep-seated emotions can lead to a desire to control. Instead of exploring where these feelings come from, we tend to project them onto our partner and start acting out controlling behaviors that we hope will alleviate these painful feelings. For example, we may on some core level feel unlovable or like no one would ever ch…

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4 Steps to Help Your Partner Hear Your Concerns

…ice: $15 On-Demand Webinars In this Webinar: Gain insight into the psychological defenses that keep people guarded against love Understand common fears around intimacy and techniques to overcome these… Learn More…

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