…have a tendency to reach a point when they get scared and pull back. Their fears of intimacy can start to turn them against themselves or their partner, and in order to create distance, they start to withhold the qualities their partner valued most. This process is often unconscious and happens unintentionally, which can make it hard to pinpoint. However, if we notice that our feelings start to change, for example we now resent something we used t…
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…-image. People’s intolerance of love and intimacy is not only based on the fear of being vulnerable and open to another person, but also on existential fears. Being close to another in a loving relationship makes us aware that life is precious, and that it will come to an end. When we embrace love, we embrace life; and in embracing life, we face death’s inevitability. When people experience the unique combination of love and sex in a committed, me…
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…n healthy relationships, people learn that they can safely manage worries, fears, hopes and dreams. This capacity builds intimacy, closeness, and a sense of security that has a far-reaching impact. Learning To Build Healthy Relationships Does this mean that people with poor quality relationships are doomed to poor health? Not at all. It is never too late to begin to have a good relationship in your life. So much of the work of therapy is about lea…
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…hotherapists that facilitate clients’ progress and change.* In The Fear of Intimacy, I outlined my approach to psychotherapy and described personal qualities in therapists that I consider essential to forming and sustaining an effective therapeutic relationship. The psychotherapeutic alliance is a unique human relationship, wherein a devoted and trained person attempts to render assistance to another person by both suspending and extending him or…
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…ves. What are our defenses? Are we pushing away someone because of our own fear of intimacy? Are we acting out patterns from our past? Are we controlling our relationship so as to avoid our own feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or shame? When we start to use a relationship to serve an inner purpose rather than to get to know someone and appreciate what that person adds to our life, we run the risk of forming a Fantasy Bond. Warning signs of a Fant…
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…us who entered the field of psychology because we had a strong desire to help people, the Internet is offering us a unique opportunity to do just that. Join Dr. Lisa Firestone for the May 7 Webinar “Social Media and Marketing for Mental Health Professionals“…
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…cumstances and more to do with their personal story. This webinar with Dr. Lisa Firestone will explore how early defense systems and adaptations help shape how people relate in their romantic lives. She will describe unhealthy thought processes and behavior patterns that create distance in couple relationships. Finally, she will illustrate how individuals can start to let down their guard and let someone in without feeling like they’re giving up o…
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…ssful to find and maintain a loving relationship. Our critical inner voice feeds on all of our negative life experiences from the day we are born to form a destructive perception of who we are. Because its negative point of view is so entrenched in us, it can be hard to shake. Try to notice how this inner critic creeps into your relationship. It may sound friendly when it says, “Don’t let her get to you. You are just fine on your own. She will onl…
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…friends. She was the first to admit that her actions were based on her own fear of her son “not needing her anymore.” When we are misattuned to the developmental stages of our children, carrying them when they’d rather walk, breastfeeding them when they’d rather play, we undermine their confidence and teach them to be dependent. An important aspect of healthy parenting is accepting our imperfections and broadening our child’s world. No parent is p…
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…lfillment from sharing our lives with someone we love? I’ve asked Dr. Lisa Firestone, psychologist and author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships to help answer this question. What Relationship Skills Lead to Lasting Love? Non-defensiveness – Being open to feedback is one of the greatest relationship skills you can offer to your partner, and it is a great asset to any relationship. Instead of instinctively defending against any criticism or…
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