…uman beings face if they wish to fully develop themselves as individuals.” Firestone outlines four essential steps to the process of differentiation that can help individuals live free of imagined limitations. According to Firestone, in order for our real, authentic self to emerge, we have to identify and separate from destructive programming we received very early in our lives, primarily from our parents or other influential caretakers. “Differen…
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…atients experienced when they were confronted with certain types of verbal feedback or information about themselves. They would have strong negative reactions to selective aspects of this information and feel bad for long periods of time. Initially, I considered the old adage, “It’s the truth that hurts,” but then I realized that evaluations from others, regardless of accuracy, that support or validate a person’s distorted view of him or herself,…
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…Answering Back To The Voice Answering Back To The Voice…
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…hurt and disappointment, resigning themselves to the loss of aliveness and intimacy thus creating a “Pleasantville” façade (a popular 50’s strategy.) Unaware of how to get their partner to change and better meet their needs, couples become more emotionally cut off, distant, and hopeless about things ever changing. Whether it’s dealing with the negativity by becoming verbally combative or withdrawn into a state of denial and avoidance, the sad real…
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…tion offers a temporary respite from stress, separation anxiety, and death fears, it tends to be maladaptive in life and interferes with a person’s movement toward individuation and autonomy. Robert Firestone writes, “Existential dread impels us to form illusory connections, hoping to recapture the infantile sense of safety, security and omnipotence provided by the original fantasy bond. We are subconsciously looking to a significant person or oth…
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…s become just another sexless relationship. People may also avoid physical intimacy and sexuality because a satisfying sexual experience can be a major disruption to the illusion of connection provided by the fantasy bond. The sex act is a real, but temporary, physical connection followed by a distinct separation. Similarly, times that are emotionally personal and intimate with close, affectionate contact always end, albeit temporarily, as the par…
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…ns is that they have formed what my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, termed a “fantasy bond,” a largely subconscious connection with their partner in which they feel like they are not complete without the other person. This illusion of connection fosters a sense of safety or security that exacerbates the feeling of need toward the other person. However, when in a fantasy bond, the couple tends to favor the form over the substance…
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…nt can be best handled by dealing with our past. You can learn more about how to help make sense of your story in an eCourse with Lisa Firestone and Daniel Siegel….
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…at are the messages you got around food? Our first experiences learning to feed and nourish ourselves have a strong impact throughout our lives. Unless we can recognize and differentiate from unhealthy attitudes we internalized around food, we’re likely to subconsciously continue a cycle of self-criticism, or even self-punishment. Taking time to reflect on what kinds of messages we received around food, eating, and our bodies can shine an incredib…
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…ely even peeked outside her window for weeks. The time alone increased her fear and eventually gave way to a paranoid orientation. She even imagined that her friends were betraying her and that she could no longer trust them. Fortunately, she had the wisdom to contact me and I was able to help her calm down and rationally evaluate her present circumstances. Later, she realized that much of her alarm, although precipitated by the threat of the coro…
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