Search Results for: lisa firestone/feed/2009/11/fear-of-intimacy

How Do I Know if I Have a Fantasy Bond?

…l distance,” wrote psychologist and author of The Fantasy Bond, Dr. Robert Firestone on his PsychAlive blog. What is a Fantasy Bond? The fantasy bond exists when the reality of a deep, loving feeling is replaced by a more robotic form of going through the motions of an intimate relationship. Many factors including childhood experiences, the repeating of past patterns and a fear of being alone can drive people to a fantasy bond. As children, one of…

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Preventing Interpersonal Violence in Relationships

…of these experiences: Physical abuse – the use of force to cause injury or fear – slapping, hitting, slamming doors, throwing things, or using a weapon; violent acts. Emotional abuse, sometimes called verbal abuse – name-calling and put-downs are some of the most common forms. This includes stalking and attempts to isolate, monitor, intimidate, or humiliate. Perpetrators may threaten to hurt themselves or their partner if there’s a breakup. Sexual…

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Factors that Increase or Suppress Death Anxiety

…ttitudes, and belief systems that deny death and attempt to suppress death fears. Nevertheless, there are certain incidents and circumstances throughout the lifespan that tend to arouse death anxiety. Some people totally deny any fear of death, while others, who are better able to contemplate it with equanimity, use the awareness of death to give greater meaning to their lives. However, the majority utilizes a variety of psychological defense mech…

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Where Does Our Love Go?

…d is formed, it is important to realize that most of us are afraid of real intimacy and closeness. It contradicts our negative feelings about ourselves and threatens our self-protective defenses. Being vulnerable to another person arouses anxiety and fear in us. At this point, we often escape into a fantasy of union to avoid relating on a deeper, more intimate level. When a bond develops, the couple fails to distinguish between each other as separ…

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Loving a Trauma Survivor: Understanding Childhood Trauma’s Impact On Relationships

…ghout life. When early childhood relationships are sources of overwhelming fear, or when absent, insecure or disorganized attachment leaves a person feeling helpless and alone, the mind needs some way to cope. A child may latch onto thoughts like Don’t trust, it’s not safe! Don’t reach out, don’t be a burden to anyone! Don’t dwell on how you feel, just move along! These ideas may help a person cope when they hurt so badly every day and just need t…

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You Don’t Want What You Say You Want

…ard those who make our dreams come true, they ruin our dreams.” In Fear of Intimacy, I described how people tend to react with suspicion and distrust when their core identity is disturbed by being loved. An unavoidable truth about human beings is that very often the beloved is compelled to punish the lover who appreciates and acknowledges his or her positive qualities. When people have been hurt in their earliest relationships, they fear being hur…

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Living while dying – Notes from the resistance

…also called on friends and family and gathered them close. In sharing his fear and horror at his situation, he has found tremendous support. In his memoir, Barkan recounts a question that had been posed to him by his therapist early on with his diagnosis: What, if anything, might ALS give back? At first, he struggled to answer, as he was only aware of losing so much. “Life and death were both moving quickly,” he writes, “and my daily existence wa…

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6 Major Influences that Stop You from Becoming Your True Self

…impact continues to affect the individual throughout his/her lifespan. The fear of death not only causes people to reinforce the fantasy bond, but extends the core defense to society in the form of group identification. Primitive feelings that initially characterized the fantasy bond with one’s parents are transferred onto new figures and ideologies in an attempt to gain a sense of personal immortality. Thereafter, people’s conformity to the belie…

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Five Things You Don’t Expect When You’re Expecting: How Parenthood Impacts Your Mental Health

…o, but that he also really enjoyed the tender moments between them. 3. The Fear of Becoming Your Mother or Father While we are aware of fears like not waking up to the baby crying or forgetting to put wipes in the diaper bag, there are more psychological concerns we carry with us as new parents that don’t necessarily rise to consciousness but that influence us all the same. One of these is the fear of becoming like our own parents. We are horrifie…

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How to Make Love Last

…living past hurts, between accepting warmth and acting cold… and sometimes even between summer weddings and winter divorces. Read more in Dr. Lisa Firestone’s book, Sex Love and Intimate Relationships…

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