…d pursuing. We may even get our partner to say things to us that represent critical thoughts that were directed toward us early in our lives. For example, if we were treated as incapable as kids, we may grow up with “critical inner voices” telling us we’re stupid or useless. In our relationship, we may start being forgetful or irresponsible in ways that provoke our partner to say and feel things toward us that reaffirm a core, negative sense of ou…
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…self-criticism One of the biggest obstacles to thinking positively is the Critical Inner Voice. We all have an inner critic that loves nothing more than criticizing our every move. This inner critic can lead us into a spiral of shame or self-hatred. Ruminating on negative thoughts about ourselves, or others, only strengthens the neural pathways for negative thinking. In order to retrain our brains to think positively, we must stand up to our inne…
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…ate old, familiar feelings. Recognize the role childhood defenses and the “critical inner voice” play in relationships. Break free of limiting patterns to enjoy stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Many relationship challenges people face are based on negative prescriptions from their past. A person’s earliest attachment experiences serve as models for relationships throughout their lives, influencing everything from the partners they choose t…
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…ip; and (d) generally cynical, suspicious attitudes toward others and self-critical, self-hating attitudes toward oneself. Basically, psychological defenses such as rationalization, repression, denial, and projection limit life experience; distort one’s perception of reality; predispose maladaptive responses; avoid necessary risk-taking; and play a significant part in repetition compulsion –people tend to repeat the same mistakes and dysfunctional…
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…ide of us that is turned against us. The language of this anti-self is our critical inner voice, defining us in judgmental and self-critical ways, and encouraging us to engage in behavior that limits us, sabotages our goals, and is self-destructive. Our sense of identity isn’t only shaped by these early interactions with our caretakers, but also by the defenses we form to cope with emotional pain and distress. Three important factors contribute to…
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…d others to achieve what they “should.” This is often done in a driven and critical way that can feel controlling. The aim of both individuals, rather, should be to be proactive and self-assertive in their own lives and goals, thinking ahead and going after what they want. Defensive and angry vs. rigid and righteous: A parental partner can be closed off to other points of view, defensive, or even punishing when they receive feedback. They may coun…
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…han guidance, advice, rules or prescriptions for living. That is why it is critical for parents and adults to identify and change negative personality traits within themselves that they do not want to pass on to their children. They must strive to be mature and consistent in their attitudes and conduct, and resist regressing into bad moods or childish behaviors (such as being irresponsible, self-indulgent or victimized). In terms of moral developm…
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…eally, took away a sense of security. KS: Absolutely. And again, it’s that critical point between the possibility to come into the more of one’s own being, or the alternative of either total collapse or some tremendous defense against the unknown, the unpredictable. And I think one of the main differences between the two is that if people are able to come into the awesomeness of the experience more, there’s usually somebody there who has helped th…
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…d with preplanned violence. However this story does bring to the forefront CRITICAL lessons in need of attention. First, children who have difficulty with social engagement need support! The issue of bullying has been on everyone’s mind and a focus of attention in our schools. We all want to care for children. However, what gets identified by a child as bullying, particularly those with social and/or emotional developmental challenges, sometimes i…
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…scared, we tend to pull away from our partner. We pick fights, become more critical, even react angrily to compliments or acts of love. More than anything, we start to withhold the traits that our partner once loved about us. We may stop being as affectionate or adventurous. We may resist engaging in activities we mutually enjoyed with our partner. Acting against being withholding means being willing to be vulnerable. It means engaging in shared a…
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