Search Results for: critical%20inner%20voice

Challenging the Fantasy Bond: A Search for Personal Identity and Freedom

…treatment. It is manifested as a destructive internal thought process, the critical inner voice. Later, the fantasy bond is extended to family members, intimate partners, and social groups. In Challenging the Fantasy Bond, Dr. Firestone presents his latest thoughts and observations about the self-defeating aspects of this process and places the original concepts in the broader context of his overall theoretical approach, Separation Theory. Compell…

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VIDEO: Dr. Peter Levine on Sexual Abuse and Relational Trauma

…at’s harming us. So that creates a tremendous conflict. And I believe it’s critical to work both with the child, of course, but also with the parent. And even if the parent or family member wasn’t the abuser, they feel so much guilt and so much shame. Of course, the child feels so much shame. But one of the things, again, that works very well somatically — a lot we’re talking about touch. But a lot of times you don’t really touch, but we touch wit…

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Are We Still Condemning Women for Their Sexuality?

…physical selves. As they reach adolescence and start dating, protective or critical attitudes from parental figures tend to teach young women to suppress or resist their sexuality. Everyone from their parents to their peers may be sending them the message that being sexual is synonymous with being a slut. Of course, not every woman is brought up with an unhealthy or repressive view of sex. Many young girls are well-educated and rightly taught to r…

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Coping with Grief

…joyous. Because of this, our patience toward ourselves and one another is critical to healing. This may be especially true during this pandemic, as our rituals around grief are disrupted. Our initial reaction to a loss may be shock. It may even be numbness. Our pain may leave us feeling still and somber, or it may feel overwhelming or intolerable. We must meet whatever we’re feeling with patience. Allowing ourselves to feel our emotions fully giv…

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parents losing identity lockdown

Parents: Are You Losing Your Identity During Lockdown?

…guilt around not living up to expectations. Many of us walk around with a “critical inner voice” filling our heads with should’s and should not’s: You should want to be a 24-hour parent. You should spend more time helping the kids with their schoolwork. You should make sure they’re having enough fun. You shouldn’t let them be on their devices. You shouldn’t let them eat that. You shouldn’t work all night. In addition to the guilt of not living up…

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How to Overcome Insecurity

…s to feel insecure Outline therapeutic steps to challenge and overcome the critical inner voice Illustrate the value of practicing self-compassion Present techniques to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors that feed feelings of insecurity Feelings of insecurity often source from early in our lives: attitudes directed toward us, labels we were given, and attachment patterns we experienced. As we grow up, our insecurity is exacerbated by a negative in…

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Why Some Men Give Up Their Identity in a Relationship

…t. However, if that relationship is more strained or the mother has a more critical view of her son or of men in general, the son often internalizes these attitudes toward himself. In addition, if he had a father who seemed weak-willed, emotionally vacant/distant, or too critical and punishing, or if he had no father figure at all, he may struggle with his own identity and the concept or expectations surrounding masculinity. While I’m not personal…

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Ways to Improve Your Relationship While Sheltering at Home

…or doing things differently than how you’d like. Be careful, because this critical and picky voice in your head is actually an enemy to your relationship. Chances are, you are both working extra hard and are under a lot of stress, and now, in particular, is not the time to engage in a tit-for-tat mentality. Of course, your partner isn’t perfect, and you are bound to notice real shortcomings in them. However, searching for evidence of their flaws…

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How to Beat Boredom in Your Relationship: Drop into the Plane of Possibility

…egative patterns we play out with our partner tend to be accompanied by a “critical inner voice,” which is much like a mean internal coach judging us, our partner, and our relationship. This “voice” can be an enormous distraction from staying present and open with our partner. “She forgot to take out the trash. She doesn’t notice everything you do around the house,” the voice suggests. “He’s working late again. You’re obviously not important to hi…

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expecting too much in relationship

Are You Expecting Too Much from Your Partner?

…their flaws, reading meaning into their words and actions, or seeing them critically and feeling easily annoyed by things that don’t really matter that much to us. We may even act in ways that provoke certain reactions from our partner. For example, a woman I worked with would complain that she hated when her husband would act parental. She often stated that she wished he would trust her more. She was typically a competent person, but she would o…

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