…evelop or alter in ourselves, we have to be careful about not allowing our critical inner voice to get carried away with laundry lists centered on self-improvement. The critical inner voice is sneaky and tends to run wild with any evidence of imperfection. For example, you may miss a deadline, and it starts in with, “You see? I told you that you couldn’t do this job. You’re incompetent. Now, you have to push harder, work longer hours. Don’t think…
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…selves and toward us. Our family of origin may be supportive and loving or critical and destructive. For most of us, it’s a little of both. As children, we didn’t have a choice to separate from negative influences, so we internalized them, forming defenses and ideas around them to try to make sense of our experiences. However, as adults, we can choose our environment. We can spend more time around people who support a side of us we like, who share…
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…step in this process is to recognize the critical inner voices (harsh self-critical thoughts) that seep into our consciousness, both causing and exacerbating depression. When people feel depressed, it makes them especially susceptible to self-attacks. They may hear thoughts like: You’re so lazy. You’re bothering everyone. Stop moping around. You’re such a burden. This line of thinking reflects distorted perceptions that are not based on reality. R…
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…self-defeating, self-destructive behaviors toward yourself and others. The critical inner voice contributes to attitudes and behaviors that are the opposite of hardy, for instance seeing oneself as a helpless victim who has no control over their life and no direction. Examples of the critical inner voice are: “Nothing ever works out for you.” “They always disregard you.” “They expect too much from you.” “There is nothing you can do to make things…
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…as she was saying them out loud, they didn’t sound like her point of view. Critical thoughts that arise during sex, whether directed toward ourselves or our partner, support our self-protective defenses and encourage us to push a loved one away. If we ignore these thoughts and remain present in the moment and feel love being directed toward us, even though this may bring up feelings of sadness, it will ultimately challenge the fundamental and flaw…
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…ne has made a change, they will need a plan to prevent relapse. A person’s critical inner voices will be present at every stage of change, including the maintenance phase. By learning tools to combat this inner critic, knowing its tricks and ignoring its directives, the person is in a much stronger position to create and sustain real change. Organizing a support team made up of people in their life who support their goals is an essential part of r…
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…rpass the way we’ve long seen ourselves or a way we’ve long been seen. Our critical inner voice is built on old attitudes we were exposed to, usually from very early in our lives. Negative ways we were viewed in our family or ways people around us saw themselves seeped in to our consciousness. As adults, we self-parent by maintaining these old attitudes and failing to differentiatefrom destructive early influences. Yet, it is important to realize…
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…hen and where we developed these self-perceptions in the first place. Our “critical inner voice” starts to take shape very early in our development when we internalize negative attitudes our parents had toward us and themselves. Perhaps as children, we felt unwanted or powerless. Then, as an adult, we continue to see ourselves as undesirable and weak. When trying to be strong with our own kids, we may feel bombarded with critical inner voice attac…
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…cess. They are not discrete and often overlap one another. (1) Identifying critical, hostile attitudes toward one’s self and/or others and verbalizing them in the second person dialogue format, as “voices” The process of verbalizing voices can be approached either intellectually as a primarily cognitive technique or more dramatically using cathartic methods. In the latter, particular emphasis is placed on the release of affect accompanying the exp…
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…er, focusing on any flaws he or she may have. We may begin to listen to a “critical inner voice” that attacks or belittles both us and those we’re closest to. This inner critic is like a negative filter that shades our perception, so we start to have a distorted and unfavorable picture of our partner and our relationship. We may find ourselves criticizing every little thing about our partner from the cup left on the counter to the way he or she as…
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