Search Results for: critical%20inner%20voice

How to Go “All In” in a Relationship (Without Losing Yourself)

…e of self in order to invest in someone else. We may start to listen to a “critical inner voice” inside our head that critiques potential partners or tells us to hold back. “She likes you too much,” it may say. Or “Don’t trust what he says. He can’t be for real.” This “voice” may give us advice like, “You should just be alone right now.” “Tell her you’re just not the commitment type.” “You should take a break. You’ll wind up getting hurt.” “This w…

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What Gets in the Way of You Having an Orgasm?

…e a conscious effort to stay in their bodies without getting distracted by critical inner voices sabotaging their experience of sexuality and closeness. Outside of the sexual situation, they can reflect on how they feel, while being intimate and paying attention to any sensations, images, thoughts or feelings that come up when they picture a close sexual encounter. It is important to recognize that we all come by our limitations honestly and that…

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how to move on

How to Move On

…ons may seem like the last thing you want to do,” they write. “But it is a critical step in the healing process.” Find mindfulness exercises and strategies to calm down here. Don’t ruminate One of the main benefits of mindfulness is that it helps us to avoid rumination. A recent UK study of more than 30,000 people showed that harping on negative life events (particularly through rumination and self-blame) can be the prime predictor of some of the…

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Understanding Stress

…we’ve put ourselves under. At these times, we may find ourselves becoming critical, self-pitying or even outwardly abusive. Never punish other people when you find yourself overwhelmed by these feelings. Unnecessary disputes, arguments and rivalries will only add to your stress. The combination of feeling victimized or self-hating often leads us to complain. This tendency is reinforced when we are surrounded by others who tend to complain about p…

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How to be a good parent: It’s all about you!

…nce toward themselves. It is not uncommon for parents to disown their self-critical attitudes and negative self-image by projecting them onto their child. When they do this, they are then overly critical of these projected qualities and traits in the youngster. As a result, children begin to see themselves through a negative filter, which will stay with them throughout their lives. We can best help our children not by sacrificing ourselves for the…

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How to Stop Making the Wrong Relationship Choices

…joying their relationship, but at times she found herself having intensely critical thoughts. “What are you doing with this creep? He’s doting on you now but what good are you to him? He’ll probably get tired of you and leave you.” Her inner critic ridiculed her relationship and tore her boyfriend down. Fortunately, she used her friends as a sounding board and listened when they told her that her attacks on herself and criticisms of her boyfriend…

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True Love or a Fantasy Bond?

…eak this pattern in her behavior. She began to consciously act against the critical inner voices in her head telling her to keep a distance and to resist affection. Relationship milestones like moving in together, getting married, having children, or even simply acknowledging affection for each other can lead a couple to feel a certain amount of anxiety. When people identify the emotional baggage they bring to a relationship that causes them to re…

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Can Love be Learned?

…st someone you love or not to believe that you are cared about. This same “critical inner voice” that turns on us can turn on our partners. Try to be wary of this voice and separate your real feelings from those you may be projecting from old defenses. The more we act on our defenses, the more likely we are to replace the real love we once felt for our partners with a more routinized and dulled manner of relating. We may take the actions associate…

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How To Bully Proof Your Children by Building Their Resilience

…victimized by circumstances. Allowing our kids to ruminate or act on these critical inner voices can have harmful effects. Instead, encourage them to identify these negative thoughts and challenge them in their actions. Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, a book I co-authored with Dr. Robert Firestone and Joyce Catlett, provides exercises for recognizing and overcoming this internal bully. Be Critical, Coddling, or Ignore Issues: We should always s…

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VIDEO: Interview Series with Dr. Christine Courtois

…cusses a variety of topics including childhood trauma, complex trauma, the critical inner voice, violence, incest and parenting. YouTube responded with an error: The playlist identified with the request’s <code>playlistId</code> parameter cannot be found. Order the Full DVD Interview: Attachment, Trauma and Dissociation In this DVD, Dr. Christine Courtois draws upon her expertise in the field of trauma to discuss a variety of trauma related t…

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