Search Results for: critical inner voice

The Origin of Polarization, Prejudice, and Warfare

…tecting the fantasy bond against “outsiders,” negative thought processes — critical internal voices — foster distrust and hostility toward others. Stereotypes, prejudicial attitudes, and racial biases are extensions of these fundamentally hostile and distorted views. They provide a pseudo-rational basis for aggressive acts against those people who are perceived as different. Feelings of vanity and specialness are also part of the defense system th…

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Staying in Love While Staying Yourself

…head on. Instead, we may start to notice ourselves becoming a little more critical toward our partner or insecure in our relationship. We may feel compelled to pull on them, or we may feel pulled on by them. Whether we’re pushing or pulling, we’re creating a distance that, while probably unpleasant, is actually more familiar to us based on our personal history. We may not realize it, but we’re acting on a fear that tells us we’ll be safer if we d…

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Why Competitive Feelings Are Good For You

…fun like this. I want to share that with her.” Instead of listening to the voice in his head that told him to pull away and act cold to her, he joined her and engaged in joking around with her. By being lighthearted and fun himself, she was naturally drawn to him, and they were both able to feel closer and happier with each other. If he’d acted on his jealous insecurities, rather than admitting he felt competitive, he would have achieved just the…

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Facing Death and Learning to Live

…of a touching moment with my partner or a loved one, I was hearing an old voice in my head telling me, “You know he doesn’t really care about you, don’t you? It’s all just a pretense.” Or “You aren’t someone people really like to be around, are you?” My self-attacks would have me re-write my own history, wipe out friendships and loving feelings that have lasted for years, rather then face the fact that it will end. The end will be final and there…

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“Stuck” A life lesson on parenting by Debra Kessler, Psy.D.

…bit tense, but her attention was focused on the challenge before her. Her voice was slightly alarmed but she wasn’t screaming, crying or yelling. Somehow I knew that by my being there and not intervening, she had a good chance of figuring it out for herself. After all, my goal as a parent has always been to raise a self-confident and self-reliant child, so giving her time to struggle seemed appropriate. How long I would have waited and how much d…

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sexual stereotypes, psychalive

Dr. Robert Firestone on The Fantasy Bond

…ond explains the concept of the Fantasy Bond.   Robert W. Firestone, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, author, and artist. He is the Consulting Theorist for the non-profit, The Glendon Association. Author of many books including Voice Therapy, The Fantasy Bond, Fear of Intimacy and Beyond Death Anxiety, he has also published more than 30 professional articles and chapters and produced 35 video documentaries. See more from Dr. Robert Firestone on…

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Exploring anger

Exploring Anger: What It Is, What It Does, and When It’s Appropriate

…e. For example, even if you think no one is listening to you, raising your voice will only worsen the situation because people will focus on the fact that you are yelling, not what you’re yelling about. Nevertheless, bottling up anger has been shown in research to cause plaque build-up in arterial walls that can lead to congestive heart failure. So if you really feel the need to say something, be sure to express yourself in a way that you will be…

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It’s Not Me: It’s My OCD: Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

…would grimace each and every time. My older sister’s gentle, yet insistent voice: “Just tell yourself, ‘It’s not me’ it’s my OCD.’” “How corny,” I would think before retaliating with, “You don’t understand, it is me.” These were my real thoughts. Real fears. I had real reasons to wash my hands 10 times an hour, to open doorknobs with my elbows, to avoid contact with bed sheets and dollar bills, to fear the tiniest speck of red on any carpet, becau…

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The Last Jubilee by Stan Friedman

…aised himself again. But still the air held only calm. And this time, in a voice louder now, even more pleading, he called to the sky, “PLEASE!” Again, in but a moment, the wind. Only this time a larger, more insistent burst. Even more leaves were dislodged from the tree. But as before, my friend could catch no leaf. For one final time now Ronnie looked up and stared into eternity. I never did learn what was in his mind at that moment, but I saw t…

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An Interview with Drs. Carol and James Gilligan

…r at the University of Cambridge. Her ground-breaking book, In a Different Voice (1982) achieved much critical acclaim and has been described by Harvard University Press as “the little book that started a revolution.” James Gilligan, M.D., is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry in the School of Medicine and Adjunct Professor in the School of Law at New York University. He is an expert in the field of violence and the former president of the Interna…

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