Search Results for: critical inner voice

Don’t Give Up Hope: Using Acceptance & Enthusiasm to Heal Our Troubled World

…esponded uncomfortably to her every time she was in the room. This woman’s inner pressure to do things “right” kept her from being fully available and accepting. The quality of non-judgmental presence was the foundation of everything. The details of the Kaufmans’ project with Raun were stunning and you can read about them in awe-inspiring, tear-jerking specificity in Kaufman’s book, Sonrise, The Miracle Continues. I will cut to the chase and tell…

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9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor

…an illness, including a mental health condition Bullying Trauma makes the inner world too uncomfortable and chaotic to hold with curious awareness. Feeling alone with intense fear and anxiety triggers the urgent need to protect one’s self. Instead, a person seeks to escape overwhelming feelings, because there’s no way to explore them safely. Trauma survivors learn to adapt. They develop responses that may seem like self-care, but are actually cop…

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Understanding Attachment: A Webinar Series

…ionships Offer techniques to break free from negative cycles, develop more inner security, and achieve closer, more fulfilling relationships Teach tools to calm down and relieve anxiety that arises in relationships Order Now   Session 4: Understanding Fearful-Avoidant Attachment – CE Webinar This webinar will: Define Fearful-Avoidant Attachment and explain how this pattern develops Illustrate the impact this attachment pattern has on relationships…

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VIDEO: Dr. Allan Schore on the Role of Shame in Suicide

…ly regulate out of it. So we’re agreed on this. I think shame dynamics are critical in the work with suicide. And incidentally, shame dynamics have also been shown to be right hemisphere again. So here we go. Ultimately, if the baby goes into a stress response, especially if it’s going into hyper-arousal and then it’s bouncing down into hypo-arousal, you’re getting a severe perturbation of the cortisol levels. A very high level of cortisol. Well,…

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What it Means to Be Loving

…elf-worth. One of the biggest reasons we shut out love is because we feel unworthy or self-denying. Therefore, to have a loving relationship, we must challenge our negative self-concept, or our “critical inner voice.” When we do this and take the loving actions that contradict our critical self-image, we enhance our own sense of worth and are able to get closer to the people we love….

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A Fine Romance: Secrets to Making Love Last a Lifetime

…better listener,” begins Melva. “There were times Jesse experienced me as critical, and I would say, ‘I’m not critical.’ But I needed to pay attention to my impact on him.” Melva says her reaction was rooted in frustration at not feeling heard, and realized that she wasn’t even listening to her husband. “I wanted him to hurry up,” she says, “so I could have my turn.” So, how have they managed to flourish for 30 years of marriage? For starters, tw…

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doomed relationships, intimacy issues, psychalive

Addicted to Doomed Relationships?

…go along with it. The very first night, they got in the car to go out to dinner, and as soon as they got to the driveway, the husband hit the brakes and the car came to halt. He found himself literally paralyzed, as he waited for his wife to tell him which way to turn. Instances like these are indicative of a larger problem for couples. We frequently choose people we can depend on to fill out our personalities, then resent them for the very trait…

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Are You in an Unhealthy Relationship?

…ck to where I started by giving up some of the critical thoughts (critical inner voices) I’ve built up against my partner? Could I start relating more personally and recover my feelings of affection? If, at the end of the day, you decide you have grown distant from your partner for good reason, you may choose to give up the relationship. If you feel you were drawn to your partner for reasons that fit in with your past but hurt you in the present,…

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Be Your Own Couples Therapist

…. Before the simple matter could be resolved, he was accusing her of being critical and controlling, and she was defending herself and declaring him to be over-reactive and infantile. In these moments of tension, we must take a break and reflect. Don’t feed your feelings of hurt. Instead, step aside and ask yourself what you’re really reacting to and why. Identify patterns – A man recently came into my office, up in arms that his girlfriend was be…

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VIDEO: Dr. Allan Schore on Attachment Trauma and Effects of Neglect and Abuse on Brain Development

…r areas of the right brains are more (in) efficient (sic) because in their critical periods, there’s not an optimal situation for their wiring. So I’ve looked very carefully at the effects of relational trauma, to use the term “relational trauma,” also called “attachment trauma.” These are not traumas with the physical environment. These are where the stressor comes from the haven of safety herself. What if the haven of safety, the primary caregiv…

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