Search Results for: critical inner voice

Depression and Anxiety in Student Populations: Interview with Dr. Daniel Zamir

…family will usually feel that same way. So I try to kind of undermine that voice that encourages the depression and the isolation, which is that, “ I’m going to burden others by being depressed, by talking about this.” So really, you know, it’s about engaging more in their lives, being more physically active, doing the things that are going to help them feel better, even if it’s not, you know, immediate or a quick fix. That’s often what’s kind of…

Learn More

The Simple Truth about Anger

…. It is generally best to state one’s anger directly and in a calm tone of voice, rather than in an angry or rageful manner. For example, saying “I felt angry at you when you did thus and so,” matter-of-factly is more effective than expressing it angrily, which will usually provoke an immediate angry retort. However, if you are further annoyed by the response to your anger, or it fails to achieve your purpose, you can always state things more stro…

Learn More

VIDEO: Dr. Allan Schore on the Role of Non-Verbal Communication in Treating Suicidal Patients

…isms, not words, but non-verbal communications: facial expression, tone of voice, prosody — these are processed exquisitely by the patient, so to speak, at a sub-cortical level. And again, what this means, is that if there is a lack of awareness, so to speak, of how one’s own subjectivity is being communicated to the other side of the inter-subjective field, this can really be problematic here. And what you have is very small mis-attunements which…

Learn More

True Love: What Love Is and What It Is Not

…overstep boundaries which diminishes attraction. Be aware of your critical inner voice. We all have an inner enemy that criticizes ourselves and our partner and undermines our closest relationships Do something independently. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. Don’t give up friendships and activities you enjoy on your own and don’t aask you partner to either Communicate what you feel. Don’t expect your pa…

Learn More

How to Say What You Want in Your Relationship

…as close to their partner. They may have destructive thoughts or “critical inner voices,” such as “How dare he treat you that way. You better stand up for yourself” or “she is so self-centered; she only cares about herself.” As my father psychologist Robert Firestone often says about engaging in this way, “You may win the battle, but you will lose the war.” While many people tend to be more combative, there are those who take the opposite approach…

Learn More

Why Break Ups Hurt So Much

…g with me? When we feel rejected, we often start to listen to destructive “inner voices” that attack us and our partner. When we’re listening to these destructive thoughts, we’re more likely to feel humiliation than real sadness over our loss. Our inner critic fuels feelings of not being able to survive on our own, often saying that no one will ever love us. When these voices aren’t viciously attacking us, they are often raging at our partner, whi…

Learn More

Relationship Compatibility

…cy to defer to your partner? By identifying your own defenses and critical inner voices, you can separate the real you from those unhealthy adaptations you’ve formed from hurtful past experiences. Do you think astrology or numerology affects relationship compatibility? I don’t know very much about either of these and their impact on relationship compatibility. However, I think they can be used positively when they encourage people to take chances…

Learn More

Having an Allergy to a Person – Part 1

…r, but she would not let reality (presence of hostile feelings towards overcritical mother) cast an evil light upon it (the ideal image of mother-daughter relationship). So she sits and listens to her mother’s critical remarks. Consequently, she clenches her fist and keeps repeating to herself Please, God, don’t let me scream. Now, the situation is that her own mother arouses overwhelming feelings of hostility and anger that she has to smother. In…

Learn More
How to Get Your Relationship Out of a Rut

How to Get Your Relationship Out of a Rut

…our partner. It is helpful to identify these types of thoughts as critical inner voices that do not reflect your actual point of view about you or your partner. It’s like you have an inner coach running both of you down, actively driving a wedge between you by promoting the idea that you are a victim and being treated badly. You lose sight of the fact that you are just two people, each with your own shortcomings, trying your best to get through th…

Learn More

Getting the Love You Want

…le, if we were treated as incapable as kids, we may grow up with “critical inner voices” telling us we’re stupid or useless. In our relationship, we may start being forgetful or irresponsible in ways that provoke our partner to say and feel things toward us that reaffirm a core, negative sense of our identity. Through many years of working with couples and individuals who are engaging in these patterns, I have identified methods that help people c…

Learn More