…to making progress in psychotherapy. In my next blog, I will describe the critical thought process or voice that represents a secondary defense and supports both the self-nourishing and self-punishing components of the fantasy bond. Read more in Dr. Robert Firestone’s new book: The Enemy Within: Separation Theory and Voice Therapy References Jacobson (2009). Considering Interactions between Genes, Environment, Biology, and Social Context. Psychol…
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…den to others or not belonging anywhere. The combination of these Critical Inner Voices and the emotional pain people are feeling can lead them to believe that they shouldn’t be alive and the people in their lives would be better off without them. However, this is never the case. Harming yourself will only hurt the people that you love. Studies show that each person who commits suicide directly impacts at least seven people. Furthermore, the feeli…
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…ay from our partner. We can also notice the coaching thoughts or “critical inner voices” that are telling us that this or that negative behavior will solve the problem. These thoughts can be sneaky, but they encourage us to act in ways that keep the cycle going. “You should ignore him. That’s the only way he’ll give you what you want,” they whisper. “Just call her one more time. You need to know what she’s doing,” they shout. “What if she’s losing…
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…s our own. This internalized parent is what we refer to as one’s “critical inner voice.” It can feel threatening to separate from the people who we once relied on for care and safety. Yet, by having compassion for our child selves, we can extend this feeling to our children. We can differentiate from our parents’ less desirable attitudes and traits, while maintaining qualities that we admired in them. Once we make the connection between past event…
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…ess with which we treat ourselves. Hitting the brakes on these behaviors, no matter how compelled we are to act them out, can help us stand up to these critical inner voices and have more compassion and love toward our partners as well as toward ourselves….
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…ld. This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis. Related Books: Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion …
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…en we enter the dating world, we should expect to have countless “critical inner voices” toward ourselves and our potential partners. These negative thoughts may tell us we are too old or that it’s too late for us, that love is not for us, or that we are not attractive anymore. Our “voices” about our partner or potential partner may include thoughts like, “All the good ones are already taken,” or “There must be something wrong with him/her,” or “H…
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…of view toward yourself. You will start to have mean thoughts or “critical inner voices” that tell you you’re inferior or that you are insignificant and only take up space. You may also run the risk of repeating the negative traits of your parent, in which case, you’ll notice having your own thoughts or feelings of superiority or entitlement. Maybe you’ll act out the same condescending, critical attitudes toward your children. Finally, if growing…
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…Differentiation The first step in the process is to identify the “critical inner voices” you experience about yourself, others, and the world around you. This critical internal commentary often represents the views of our early caretakers. It can be valuable to reflect on the messages you received from their attitudes toward you, labels you were given in the family, and what each parent actually thought about you. Often, as adults, we are still ex…
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…give this phenomenon the importance it deserves. In Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice I wrote: Our children need to be able to feel their loving feelings for us, for the people we really are behind our roles as parents. If we deny this opportunity to our children, they will suffer emotionally. We need to learn to be receptive to our children’s spontaneous expressions of affection and love toward us. This seems obvious, yet it may be the most diff…
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