…to be real people with them. In his latest book, Separation Theory, Robert Firestone writes that parental love “includes a willingness to be a real person with the child as opposed to acting the role of ‘mother’ or ‘father.’” Our children need us to step out from behind the role of Perfect Parent so they can see and know us as an authentic person. And they need to be related to by a genuine person to feel seen and real themselves. In Compassionate…
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…ove, but living in love? The blog itself was based on my father Dr. Robert Firestone’s theory of the “fear of intimacy” and was heavily inspired by more than 30 years of examples of clients, co-workers, friends, family members and countless individuals I’ve encountered across the world who’ve opened up to me about their relationship struggles. Almost every one of us can relate to at least a couple of the ways we defend ourselves, self-protect and…
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…se patterns, many of which are characteristic of what my father Dr. Robert Firestone terms a “fantasy bond,” an illusion of connection that replaces real relating and allows couples to overstep each other’s boundaries and function as a single unit. Genuine loving actions are replaced with the form and routine of being a couple. As we develop this type of bond and see the other person as an extension of ourselves, we’re more likely to act out contr…
Learn More…Dr. Robert Firestone Dr. Carol Gilligan Dr. Dan Siegel Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn Dr. Kirk Schneider Dr. Lisa Firestone Dr. James Gilligan Dr. James Garbarino Dr. Pat Love Dr. Sheldon Solomon Dr. Donald Meichenbaum Dr. Donna Rockwell Dr. Daniel Zamir Dr. Christine Courtois Dr. Allan Schore Dr. Peter A. Levine…
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…of “Voice Therapy,” developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, involves putting your critical thoughts in the second-person (as “you” statements.) My friend tried this exercise herself with journaling. First, she wrote down her most shameful feelings in relation to herself as a parent. Rather than writing, “I am a terrible mother,” she wrote, “You are a terrible mother.” She proceeded with, “Your son will grow up hating you….
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…e more distance. Catching on to these patterns, which Drs. Robert and Lisa Firestone call “selection, distortion, and provocation” can help people who have a fear of abandonment make better choices that can help them create more security. How can we overcome fear of abandonment and change our attachment patterns? Fortunately, a person’s style of attachment is not fixed. We can develop earned secure attachment as adults in several ways. As Dr. Lisa…
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…herapy, an approach developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone. Voice Therapy introduces people to the concept of the “critical inner voice,” a destructive pattern of thoughts that fuels self-hatred. The critical inner voice is like a sadistic coach who comments on our lives and torments us. It undermines our goals and kicks us when we’re down. People with depression often strongly experience this “voice,” driving feelings of…
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…oothing and self-aggrandizing “voices”) a component of what my father, Dr. Robert Firestone, refers to as the “anti-self.” They are very fragile, because the flip side of their self-aggrandized feeling is very low self-esteem, the other component of the anti-self (made up of extremely self-hating and self-demeaning “critical inner voices”). So, for these people, even slight criticism can be a narcissistic injury, leading to an angry outburst and d…
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…s in ways that are extremely self-punishing and negative,” said Dr. Robert Firestone, author of Overcoming the Destructive Inner Voice. He describes an “anti-self” or “critical inner voice” we all experience that acts like an internal judge. This voice is almost constantly assessing us, evaluating what we accomplish and how we’re perceived. This cruel inner critic not only tells us that we’re failing when we’re not, but it contributes to self-limi…
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…ides from “The Critical Inner Voice That Causes Depression” Here Watch Dr. Robert Firestone describe the Steps in Voice Therapy: Recommended Books See all Upcoming PsychAlive Webinars Learn about upcoming free and CE PsychAlive Webinars with leading experts in the field of psychology. Support PsychAlive.org and The Glendon Association in their mission to advance mental health by bringing psychological awareness and insights into everyd…
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