…and a critical, coaxing and destructive inner voice. My father Dr. Robert Firestone often refers to this internal enemy as an “anti-self” and the language of this enemy as the “critical inner voice.” Getting to know and challenge this “voice” is one of the most essential psychological hurdles we can overcome in striving to live our version of our best life. For our real self to win out over our anti-self, we have to understand how our inner voice…
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…In this thought-provoking book, clinical psychologist and theorist Robert Firestone explains how the fantasy bond, an illusion of connection, develops early in childhood to cope with the pain and frustration resulting from parental misattunement, neglect, or mistreatment. It is manifested as a destructive internal thought process, the critical inner voice. Later, the fantasy bond is extended to family members, intimate partners, and social groups…
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…was introduced by psychologist and author of The Fantasy Bond, Dr. Robert Firestone. In his book, Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, Dr. Firestone explains the fantasy bond as follows: Generally speaking, the single most important factor that contributes to the deterioration of love and friendship in a relationship is the formation of a fantasy bond. People who develop this type of destructive bond often deceive themselves and each other by imagi…
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…herapy, an approach developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone. Voice Therapy introduces people to the concept of the “critical inner voice,” a destructive pattern of thoughts that fuels self-hatred. The critical inner voice is like a sadistic coach who comments on our lives and torments us. It undermines our goals and kicks us when we’re down. People with depression often strongly experience this “voice,” driving feelings of…
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…ts to live, pursue goals and experience life and what my father Dr. Robert Firestone calls the “anti-self,” which seeks to isolate us, cut us off from feeling and even obliterate or destroy us. Our anti-self aims to protect us from the natural pain or fear that comes from caring about or investing in life, but it winds up limiting and hurting us in countless ways, for instance, by steering us toward addiction. When we indulge the notion that we ca…
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…paration Theory was developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone. The theory illustrates how damaging early childhood experiences in combination with existential awareness lead people to develop psychological defenses. Defenses that were appropriate to actual situations that originally threatened a person’s emerging self, e.g. the rejection, neglect, emotional hunger, or abuse of a parent, go on to hurt or limit a person’s sens…
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…se patterns, many of which are characteristic of what my father Dr. Robert Firestone terms a “fantasy bond,” an illusion of connection that replaces real relating and allows couples to overstep each other’s boundaries and function as a single unit. Genuine loving actions are replaced with the form and routine of being a couple. As we develop this type of bond and see the other person as an extension of ourselves, we’re more likely to act out contr…
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…to be real people with them. In his latest book, Separation Theory, Robert Firestone writes that parental love “includes a willingness to be a real person with the child as opposed to acting the role of ‘mother’ or ‘father.’” Our children need us to step out from behind the role of Perfect Parent so they can see and know us as an authentic person. And they need to be related to by a genuine person to feel seen and real themselves. In Compassionate…
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…A “fantasy bond” is a concept developed by my father, psychologist Robert Firestone. When a fantasy bond develops real acts of love and relating are gradually replaced by the form of being in a relationship. When two people rely on each other to feel whole, they lose themselves in the process, forgoing independence, and often attraction, in the interest of feeling safe as part of a united couple. Sadly, the way they treat each other starts to det…
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…ivalent toward relationships. As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, wrote, “Most people have a fear of intimacy and at the same time are terrified of being alone.” This fear causes some people to resist closeness. A lot of people want someone up until the moment that someone wants them back, or they only start wanting a person when that person stops wanting them. For other people, fear makes them cling to their relationships. The…
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