Search Results for: Robert Firestone

Are You Single for the Right Reasons?

…find attractive. These thoughts make up what my father psychologist Robert Firestone refers to as the “critical inner voice.” This voice is like a commentator in our heads judging our every action. When we look in the mirror, it may start in with, “You’re so unattractive. Look how out of shape you are. No one would be interested in you. Just stay home.” When we go on a date, it may flood our heads with thoughts like, “What are you even talking abo…

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thinking positively

How to Tame Your Inner Critic

…and a critical, coaxing and destructive inner voice. My father Dr. Robert Firestone often refers to this internal enemy as an “anti-self” and the language of this enemy as the “critical inner voice.” Getting to know and challenge this “voice” is one of the most essential psychological hurdles we can overcome in striving to live our version of our best life. For our real self to win out over our anti-self, we have to understand how our inner voice…

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5 Things to Try Before You Give Up on Your Relationship

…ond.” A Fantasy Bond is a term developed by my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, to describe an illusion of connection many couples form at some point in their relationship. A Fantasy Bond differs from real love in that sincere acts of kindness are replaced by routine, and form is favored over substance in the relationship. Couples enter into this scenario without even realizing it, as a means to feel a false sense of security, an illusion of…

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What Inside Out Can Teach us about Loving our Kids

…ed mood was not a coincidence. Within the large body of work by Dr. Robert Firestone, he has written extensively about the importance of feeling emotions. In the film, Coping with the Fear of Intimacy, he remarks on the irony of people’s fear of sadness, noting that, in his experience, they always feel better when they feel the sadness and get it out. As Firestone says, “Sadness tends to center people” (2000). Joseph Forgas of the Greater Good Sci…

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Where Does Our Love Go?

…n and spontaneity. This process is what psychologist and author Dr. Robert Firestone describes as the “fantasy bond.” A fantasy bond is established when real love, respect and camaraderie is replaced by an illusion of connection; when the substance of the relationship is replaced by the form. Couples are rarely aware of this transition, they just find themselves one day wondering where their love has gone. To understand why a fantasy bond is forme…

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Are You Sabotaging Your Relationship?

…a tendency to form a “fantasy bond,” a term coined by my father Dr. Robert Firestone. The fantasy bond is a defense that allows us to feel as if we’ve joined with another person. This illusion of fusion can make us feel safe and secure, but it actually undermines our most vital feelings of love. What happens when people retreat into fantasy is that they let the form of the relationship replace the substance. They start to relate as a unit, present…

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The Value of Sadness

…what gives our life meaning. As my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, has pointed out, “When we feel sadness, it centers us.” In general, when we recognize our emotions and allow ourselves to feel them in a healthy and safe capacity, we feel more grounded, more ourselves and even more resilient. On the contrary, suppressing emotions can actually make us feel more depressed. So, what are we really avoiding when we cut off our sadnes…

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How to Find Your Happiness

…process of differentiation developed by my father, psychologist Dr. Robert Firestone. I explain these steps in more detail in my blog, “Becoming Your Real Self,” however to summarize they involve: Separating from destructive attitudes that were directed toward us that we’ve internalized Differentiating from negative traits of our parents and influential caretakers Breaking free of the old defenses that we built to cope with negative childhood even…

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Understanding & Preventing Suicide

…reatment. The film includes a directory of resources on suicide prevention and information regarding publications by the experts featured in the program, including Dr. Lisa Firestone , Dr. Robert Firestone & Dr. David Jobes. Format: Instant Streaming or DVD Instant Streaming Rent $5.95 | Purchase $14.95 Buy Now Purchase DVD $29.00 Buy Now…

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Do You Confuse Admiration with Love? Tales of a Covert Narcissist

…apist recommended that I read Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, by Robert Firestone, Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett. There I learned methods for challenging this compulsion. By working through the journaling exercises, I gradually modified my defensive ways of relating to men, which had included building up a relationship partner, which was a disservice to both of us. Here are some other insights I gained from reading the book that may be helpf…

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