…that hurt us but feel familiar, as if they’re part of our identity. As Dr. Firestone put it in his blog “How to Befriend Yourself:” The enemy within can be thought of as a negative identity. This negative identity is a byproduct of negative ways you were labeled as a child, the negative attitudes toward yourself that you incorporated from any mistreatment you were exposed to and the defensive strategies that you formed to cope with psychological p…
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…at your critical inner voice is telling you. One very helpful exercise Dr. Firestone recommends in Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice is to write down these “voices” or thoughts as “You” statements instead of “I” statements. i.e. “You’re so ugly” as opposed to “I’m so ugly.” “I’m useless; I always mess up” becomes “you’re useless; you always mess up.” This small-seeming alteration helps you to view the voice as an enemy and to see where it may have…
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…Watch Now: Daring to Love Move Beyond Fear of Intimacy, Embrace Vulnerability, and Create Lasting Connection Learn More or Order…
Learn MoreAll of a sudden, does it seem like the topic of suicide is everywhere? Cornell’s recent rush of suicides and the suicidal Twitter messages reported by celebrities like Demi Moore and Nia Vardalos has caused an often secretive subject to flash brightly on the public radar. But suicide is not a new epidemic. Once every 16 minutes a person commits suicide in the United States and once every minute a suicide attempt is made. Though a certain style…
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…ith the pain that ensues. In her blog, “What’s Wrong with Infidelity?” Dr. Firestone went on to cite research that has shown unfaithful individuals are less likely to practice safe sex than people in open relationships. This act of deception thus poses both a physical and emotional threat to their partner. “Whatever their decision is regarding monogamy, if two people want their relationship to stay strong, they must strive to be open and truthful…
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…the veracity of their perceptions and subjective experience. According to Robert Firestone, “The betrayal of trust brought about by a partner’s secret involvement with another person leads to a shocking and painful realization on the part of the deceived party that the person he or she has been involved with has a secret life and that there is an aspect of his or her partner that he or she had no knowledge of.” Similarly, in Living and Loving Aft…
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…e coming from within. In our book, Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, Robert W. Firestone, Joyce Catlett and I discuss the feelings of humiliation and shame that sexual infidelity evokes in the “betrayed” party. We describe how their shame and humiliation are intensified in relation to others finding out about their partner’s affair and explain how these feelings may be traced to early childhood experiences of humiliation. We go on to explain…
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