I Feel Lonely: What To Do When You’re Feeling Alone
“Why do I feel alone?”
Human beings are instinctively social animals. It is natural for us to feel alone or lonely when we are isolated from others. As a tribal species, our brains adapted to rely on social connections as a means to survive. In fact, according to neuroscientist John Cacioppo, who has made a career out of studying loneliness, “The absence of social connection triggers the same, primal alarm bells as hunger, thirst and physical pain.”
Put simply, “Humans don’t do well if they’re alone.”
However, modern life, with all of its conveniences, has led to a sharp increase in isolation. As a result, loneliness is on the rise. According to Cacioppo, “The percentage of Americans who responded that they regularly or frequently felt lonely was between 11% and 20% in the 1970s and 1980s… The American Association of Retired Persons(AARP) did a nationally representative study in 2010 and found it was closer to 40% to 45%.”
When we find ourselves becoming isolated, we should take that as a warning sign that we may turning against ourselves in some basic way. The path of isolation leads to loneliness, despair, and even depression.
“I feel lonely? What’s wrong with me?”
When we feel lonely, we often tend to beat ourselves up and think that something is just wrong with us. The more alone we feel, the more we start to have thoughts of not belonging or of feeling rejected by others. Left alone with our thoughts, we become our own worst enemy. An isolated space is the perfect breeding ground for negative, self-critical thoughts. These thought patterns make up the “critical inner voice (CIV),” an internalized enemy that leads to self-destructive thought processes and behaviors. This inner critic feeds into our feelings of isolation, encouraging us to avoid others and remain in a lonely state.
Although our critical inner voices may tell us otherwise, in reality, there is nothing inherently wrong with us that leads us to be lonely. It is a common misconception that people are lonely because they have poor social skills. In fact, new research shows that lonely people have perfectly adequate social skills and even out perform non-lonely individuals when it comes to reading social cues. However, when “social pressure” is introduced to social skills tests, lonely people often begin to choke. They start to feel very anxious or fear failure. In essence, their self-limiting beliefs or critical inner voices interfere with their natural social abilities.
Loneliness is not quantified by the amount of time we spend alone, but rather by how we feel about the time we spend alone. Cacioppo defines loneliness, as “perceived social isolation, or the discrepancy between what you want from your social relationships and your perception of those relationships.” Feeling lonely can trigger thoughts that we are unloved or unlikeable. Your critical inner voice will come up with a nasty list of reasons that you are lonely, viciously attacking you and the people around you. For example, you may attack yourself for being “awkward” or “creepy” and then act quiet in a group of people. Subsequently, you may then attack yourself for not talking enough. These thoughts reflect a hostile and unfriendly point of view toward yourself. Treat these thoughts like they were coming from an external enemy, and do not tolerate them.
“What causes loneliness?”
There are several factors that lead individuals to feel lonely. The main causes of loneliness being:
- Heredity – According to John Cacioppo, “Loneliness is about 50% heritable, but this does not mean loneliness is determined by genes. What appears to be heritable is the intensity of pain felt when one feels socially isolated.” Depending on their genes, some people are more likely to feel more pain or perceive themselves as more alone when they are out of touch from others.
- Environment – Loneliness is often triggered by one’s environment. If one lives in an isolated area or has recently moved to a new location, they are more susceptible to loneliness. Furthermore, moving to a new country or studying abroad, where language or cultural barriers can complicate social interactions can also lead people to feel more alone.
- Circumstances – Painful life circumstances, such as divorce or loss, can increase feelings of loneliness.
- Thoughts & Attitudes – The way we think and feel about ourselves and the world around us can also trigger loneliness.
There are other psychological and developmental factors that can lead to feeling alone. Severely lonely individuals often report:
- History of abuse
- Hostile/intrusive or withdrawn/misattuned parents
- Disorganized or anxious ambivalent attachment style and problems with communication
- Internalization of parent/ attachment figures
- Feelings of hostility or helplessness
“Is loneliness serious?”
Although, temporary times of loneliness are common and can pass quickly, loneliness can be a chronic condition with serious, harmful effects on both one’s physical and mental health. The effects of long-term loneliness on psychical health include, diminished sleep quality, weakened health, and even increased mortality. While the effects on one’s mental health include depression, timidity, misremembering, and focus on exclusion rather than inclusion (which perpetuates the critical inner voice).
Studies are now showing that a lonely brain is structurally and biochemically different. The neural response to positive events and images get suppressed, so the world is perceived through a negative filter. When we are lonely, we are more likely to see things as hopeless. We may feel that the world around us is threatening or beyond our control. This makes it difficult to summon up the energy and courage to find happiness and change.
In this Webinar: Learn about the psychological roots of loneliness. Overcome the critical inner voice that perpetuates feelings of isolation. Challenge the psychological…
“How can I stop feeling so alone?”
Loneliness is not a helpless condition. There are actions you can take to combat feeling alone and begin to have more meaningful, social connections in your life.
Challenge Your Inner Critic
In their research, father and daughter psychologists Drs. Robert and Lisa Firestone found that the most common negative thought people have toward themselves is that they are “different from other people.” These self-limiting beliefs can keep you stuck in a cycle of loneliness. Your critical inner voices try to keep you from challenging yourself to step outside your comfort zone, then stab you in the back for avoiding taking action. When you hear these self-attacks, it is vital that you do not allow them to manipulate your behavior. Acknowledge your feelings of loneliness and isolation without judgment, saying to yourself “I feel lonely right now, but I am not going to give in to my critical inner voice and beat myself up about it.” Instead, you can learn to challenge your inner critic.
Learn how to Overcome Your Inner Critic in this online course.
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the radical act of treating yourself with the same kindness that you would treat a friend. Researcher Dr. Kristen Neff has found that self-compassion leads to “greater emotional resilience, more accurate self-concepts, [and] more caring relationship behavior.” According to Dr. Neff, self-compassion involves three main elements. Let’s break these elements down in relation to combatting loneliness:
Self-kindness Vs. Self-judgment – “Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism,” Dr. Neff says. When we feel isolated or alone, we can choose to have compassion for ourselves. We can recognize our emotions without judging them, perhaps saying to ourselves, “I’m really hurting right now.” Denying the reality of our pain only leads to more suffering and frustration. “When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness,” says Dr. Neff, “Greater emotional equanimity is experienced.” When we accept where we are at and what we are struggling against, without berating ourselves, we can then begin to change.
Mindfulness Vs. Over-identification with thoughts – According to Dr. Neff, “Self-compassion also requires taking a balanced approach to our negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.” You can observe your negative thoughts without accepting them as truth or allowing them to dictate your actions. Mindfulness teaches us not to over-identify “with thoughts feelings , so that we are caught up and swept away by negative reactivity.” If you are feeling lonely, be wary of labels; you are not “alone,” a “loser,” a “recluse,” “bad at making friends,” etc. Embrace the non-judgemental nature of mindfulness.
Common humanity Vs. Isolation – Even when you are feeling isolated from others, you can begin to recognize your common humanity. ALL humans suffer. ALL humans are wired for social connection and will feel pain when they feel emotionally isolated from others. “The very definition of being “human” means that one is mortal, vulnerable and imperfect,” says Dr. Neff, “Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience – something that we all go through rather than being something that happens to ‘me’ alone.” Even though you are feeling lonely, it is important to recognize that you are not alone in this pain. Just look at the comment section below. The world is full of lonely people.
Read about The Many Benefits of Self-Compassion
Take Steps to Break Free From Isolation
Come up with a plan and begin to take steps to break free from isolation. Ask yourself the following questions:
When do I feel the most alone?
When do I feel the least alone?
What activities do I most enjoy?
Is there anyone I feel good spending time with? List their names.
Now think about some concrete ways to address your answers to those questions:
How can you feel less alone at those lonely times? Can you reach out to a friend? Join an online chat community? Find a healthy way to distract yourself from the loneliness, like exercise, meditation, or even temporarily playing a distracting video game?
Why do you think you feel less alone at certain times? How can you expand on those positive times? For example, if you feel good at work, maybe you could spend more time with your coworkers or find hobbies like volunteering that build on similar skills you enjoy sharing at work.
Are the activities you enjoy social? If so, how can you participate in these activities more? If the activities are isolated, how can you connect with others who enjoy these activities? The Internet is an incredible resource for building community with people around the world who share your interests. People who use the Internet to really connect with others are less likely to feel lonely.
If there are friends, coworkers, or family members that you feel good being around, make plans to spend more time with them. Think of activities you could do together or things you could share on a more regular basis.
Because our brains do not respond positively to seclusion, place yourself in social settings, even if you are among strangers. If you feel shy in public, try going online. Interacting on the Internet may be a good first step in giving you the confidence to express yourself. Fight hard against the critical inner voices that try to talk you into isolating yourself.
Practice Generosity
One of the best actions we can take to counteract the hopelessness we may feel is to think outside of ourselves. Generosity is a natural repellant against self-hatred. Believe beyond all doubt that you have something to offer! Volunteering is a great exercise in thinking outside yourself and often gives you the opportunity to connect with new people. Even little acts of generosity can have a significant impact. Generosity, as a principle, can lead to stronger self-esteem, which then leads to more social behavior.
To learn more about where loneliness comes from and how you can combat it, watch our Webinar on A Way Out of Loneliness
If you are feeling isolated and may be experiencing symptoms of depression, here are some helpful resources:
National Institute of Mental Health – Depression
Depression.com
WebMD – Depression
Helpguide.org – Depression
Depression-Screening.org
International readers can click here for a list of helplines and crisis centers around the world.
This is a free hotline available 24 hours a day to anyone in emotional distress or suicidal crisis.
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Thank you for these informations. I become isolated and loniless. I search solutions.
This is a great article about isolation and loneliness, very informative, thank you for posting it.
Thankyou so much for what you do X
I am home alone and it is night. I have no where to go at the moment and no one to really be around. I can’t sleep I just feel sad and trying to sleep isn’t working. I’m just lonely I guess it will pass. I actuely am popular and have great friends who love me but I still feel alone.
I feel so lonely. I am going thru so much. I have no car due to waiting for my bankrupsy to be discharged. I did everything right and there was no dispute. I need a car. Tomorrow is my birthday and no one remembered it and my kids seem hopeless most of the time. If i dont visit them, i dont see them for weeks and they live close by. I wishi could just move and go somewhere i could meet new ppl and never look back at my lousy family.
I have a chronic illness that has required me to file SSD.I got approved and it has hit me like I have been sentenced to life in prison.I had a HUGE social network.The few times I have gone out in the past 3 yrs I feel like a fraud because you can not look at me and tell I have a chronic disease.So I hide and die a little more each day.
I always feel like I’m the awkward misfit when at work or around groups of people. I feel like I need that one person I could talk to that relates to me
I understand you
We all go through it, some longer than others, but in the end, were all the same
This was very helpful i wont lie i was on the verge of suicided i thought things would never change and that i couldnt talk to anyone cause they didnt understand me but reading this has given me hope on life again
I am a mum of 3 with a lovely husband who is as understanding as is possible yet I feel so isolated and that I have no place in the world, it’s like a desperate longing to feel I am worth something – not as a mother or a partner or lover but as my own unique self.. Yet everytime I try to follow a dream I sabotage myself or things simply just don’t go my way and I descend deeper into my depression as a confirmation of my worthlessness.
I’m completely with you!! Everyone who meets and hangs with me says I’m cool or funny…but most of the time I don’t feel that way at all. Apparently I’m very good-looking…but I don’t feel that way either. It’s been like this my whole life and I’m in my 40’s now. I can be in a crowd with a pretty girl hanging on my every word and still feel alone, awkward and unwanted….after all these years I still don’t get it. I isolate a lot, I hardly keep in touch with anyone and the ones I do it’s very superficial. When I was younger I had a hundred one night stands when all I wanted was one love…but I ran away every time. The bottom line is that I just don’t feel worthy.
Thank you for this!! Thank you so much.
Like a lot of people here, I feel chronically isolated and lonely. I’m at home, with nowhere to go right now. I am 27, single, no friends and unemployed. I’ve had past experiences of bullying, rejection and ostracism (even at work). It’s easy to say when you’re lonely, hang out with friends. But some of us just don’t have any, and after being alone for so long, I feel socially disadvantaged, like its hard to connect with anyone now and even have a conversation, and new people don’t really care for me either way..
I don’t just feel isolated, I am chronically lonely. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Any conversation I have with strangers or family is brief and superficial. I posted a comment here, earlier, reaching out for help but my message was excluded.
Thank you for reaching out. We know it takes courage to reach out when you’re in distress, but it can be the first step to feeling better.
It is painful to hear that you are feeling so lonely and that you feel as though you don’t know what to do anymore. When we feel isolated and alone, we often turn against ourselves, which makes it difficult to reach out and break the pattern of loneliness. However, if you are feeling alone, reaching out to any friends and family (even by phone or online) can help to break that pattern. I understand that this feels very difficult to do. Even making new friends in online discussion forums can help you feel more connected to others, especially if they share similar interests. Some people find that they feel better being around other people, even just reading a book or going online in a coffee shop can feel less isolating than being at home alone. Dr. Lisa Firestone suggests that individuals who feel chronically isolated participate in volunteer work, because reaching out to others has many benefits for mental health, including helping people feel less isolated and alone.
Many people have found therapy to be incredibly helpful. If you are interested in pursuing therapy, here is good resource to help locate a therapist in your area.
If you need someone to talk to you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential and counselors are available 24/7. You do not have to be suicidal in order to call the Lifeline.
Also, if you are feeling depressed, I encourage you to read this article on 8 Ways to Actively Fight Depression.
Thank you again for reaching out.
I feel very lonely for no reason I have been having social anixiety I saw a few people on the city bus and became very shy some people think I’m stupid and I try to hard to fit
Hi John, Your post sounds exactly like me, except in the male form.
Hi Claire
I totally know how you feel except from a stay at home dad with 3 children point of view. I wasnt the most social person even before I had kids. My wife and I dont really have any personal friends. (my wife works) Through the christmas break has being tough and now feeling pretty isolated and feeling unworthy. Being a stay at home is tough even though I go to childrens playgroups its not like I get real close to other mums as being a guy theirs a line that is drawn. My wife wants me to go back to work to get back my self confidence mainly and well extra income as well even though we wouldnt get any further ahead as children daycare costs etc. but everytime I try to motivate myself I procrastinate then feelings of being useless creep in and Im not good enough, then I get depressed and you the story. Eventually it will happen though, I try an remain optimistic.
Great site. totally puts everything in perspective.
I’m currently studying abroad and its been a few months now. Since January, my sleeping pattern has gone all wrong, I sleep late at night and end up waking up at 4pm. I have been feeling very lonely and its like my mind is not looking forward to the next day so I just sleep it away. I feel sad soon after because I realise I’ve wasted my whole day. With the few hours of day I have left I go on youtube to watch some videos. I know its a form of escapism, but I just haven’t found anyone I can relate to. Plus the language barrier doesn’t help. And since my mind is still somewhat active, I end up sleeping very late. It’s just one vicious cycle everyday, everytime, and I have no-one I can talk to 🙁
I wake up in the late afternoon till the early morning. Since I was a child I have lived with guys, and I’m the only girl. Before I lived with my 2 brothers, my uncle, and grandpa. Whenever I fought with my bros, I can’t defeat them because I’m too weak. I’m basically feeling inferior. Especially when my brothers go out to have fun, and comes back for how many days without permission, they were never scolded. As a girl, I told them where I was going, and it was 8 at night, they called my friends parents to ask them where I was. I was greatly humiliated at school. It was unfair for me. It felt like I had no freedom. Now that me and my 2 bros moved to where our parents are, I got closer to my brothers.
Still, when I thought that finally there would be another woman in the household that I’m actually living with… well, turns out my mother has a live-in Job. My physical appearance change drastically… I gained 50 pounds, and gained pimples because of puberty. I felt more insecure and lonely also because of the fact that I don’t talk personal stuff with my brothers… because they are guys.
I have friends that are girls too, and I share some of my personal stuff to them. but for some reason… the fact that they are not my real sister, and they don’t live with me and my family like a real sibling. I still feel lonely and depressed.
Whenever my brothers or father invite a guy to our house, I feel isolated. I’m always alone in my dark room, and I could hear their voices which makes me more depressed. When my brother goes out to drink with guys friends, he would invite my other brother, but of course since I was a girl, and the youngest… I was never invited.
I started cutting myself out of boredom. It helps me suppress my urge to want something, and cry because of some food I want to eat that I will never get (for example). Whenever I’m alone, taking a bath or in my room. I talk to myself, laugh by myself, I let out my emotions silently that nobody will ever notice. Then, as it continued, I hear my self thinking about bad stuff. Thinking about doing something bad to my good friends, and to strangers or characters I just made up in my mind. When my oldest brother saw the cuts, he looked at me like I was some fuckin devil. I tried my best to hide it, and when I saw how he looked at me. I was deeply sad and depressed. I hated everything. I’m a believer of Christ, but I doubt too many stuff. I hate the fact that I can say I love and believe in Christ, when in fact I’m just being the worst hypocrite. I don’t pray much anymore… I have vision in the future for Christ. It’s still there. but I’m not motivated to do anything about my future.
I always ask God… especially, when we had bible study, I was still the only girl at first.. then only 3 girls out of 13 people showed up. It’s hard, and I feel like I’m being isolated. I want to cut myself right now, but there are visitors… so maybe later.
I’m an introvert… I don’t like mornings… Boredom kills me. I feel lonely…
We read your comment and know it takes courage to reach out when you are in distress. Often when we feel isolated, we turn against ourselves and find it difficult to reach out for help. However, we want you to know that help is available and there is hope. PsychAlive is not a counseling site, but we can offer resources where you can get assistance 24 hours per day. If you are in the U.S., the National Helpline at 800-273 TALK (8255) or visit the Helpline website to online chat. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ If you live in another country, you can email [email protected] and visit the Samaritans website for help. It is especially important to reach out when you are feeling isolated and have the desire to harm yourself. We hope that you remain safe and continue to reach out. Please do not do anything to hurt yourself.
MY CRICAL INNER VOICE TOOK OVER AND HAS WON CONTROL.
wow…i cant tell if your joking around or not but thats just messed up. what i read actually helped me a bit to understand that i am depressed and alone. i denied it all my life that i wasnt and here it is right in my face. i feel like i have no friends or anyone i can trust. only people i do trust is my family and im glad they are there for me. i love them and they love me.thats whats keeping me up.they tried their hardest to hlep me and what do i give them in return?nothing. i feel like im a disappointment sometimes but hey i feel like im not. ive actualy set a goal in my life, thats to join the army and hopefuly i can meet some people and become friends with them. i think that joining the army will make my parents proud of me, my fmaily proud of me.im a drop out, i got my ged but i dont think thats good enough. so my goal is to finish basic training and make my family proud and maybe some day find a girl that willl love me and i would love her…but being socialy awkward makes it tough. i see lots of cute girls that i walk past but i never have the courage to ask them out or anything. its not like im ugly or anything like that its just..hard..i dont know if anyone can understand me about that…girls at my ged classes thought i was cute… or so i think because they would smile and not have that ewww why you talking to me face. know what i mean? lol… but if you really arent joking around there are..hotlines or something that can hlep you out and disregard this post if you are. thank you for reading this post for whoever did and yeah… BYE! keep your head up, set up goals in life and if you cant…idk dream big 🙂
disregard if you ARENT.. -_- seriously this site is here to help people not make fun of
If you feel your Critical Inner Voice has taken you over, you may benefit from seeking professional help. You can find a therapist at http://locator.apa.org/, or call the National Helpline at 800-273 TALK (8255), or visit the Helpline website to online chat: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ You do not have to be suicidal to call the Helpline.
This helped a lot. It is amazing to see how many people face this loneliness syndrome. I for example have felt very lonely for years despite having a family and kids. But I never wanted them to solve my problems. I am separated now living in another state and when I go out, 99.9% of the time I am alone. I look good, exercise, eat right, have a job, am 50 now and it seems like I am out of touch with everyone else. I find it hard to meet people that have things in common with me now. Reaching to younger people and especially the opposite sex is a big waste of time and effort because I think they now see me as old even though I have no grey hair or look older than my age. In fact I look younger and energetic. I don’t smoke, dont do drugs, am fit, etc. I did start feeling like I don’t matter at all. I see everyone with friends, girlfriends, wives, all hanging out and I am the only person out there with nobody to hang out with despite several meetup tries. I thought that God just made me different than everybody else and not meant to have friends or company after work or on weekends. I spend a lot of time alone and live alone.
Part of me thinks that maybe evil surrounds us to make us feel terrible and that we have to break this thinking pattern and start believing that God can work miracles in our lives and changes these feelings of self-destruction. Maybe all those other people have friends because they don’t spend their entire day talking negative about life and about their own selves.
Today I have decided to follow the article’s advice and end the negative self-talk. Then I am going to accept being lonely and won’t engage in self-destructive, self-pity behavior. I am going to work out more and build my body stronger and work on my mind so it is stronger. Joining a church might help too.
I think that all evil feelings must come from evil and all good feelings must come from God. So why waste my life away feeling sorry for myself? Worst comes to worst, I will just become my own very best friend. Some very old people seem to have a handle on this and feel happy even at their old age so why should I be in self-pity mode all the time? No more. Today I will change for the better and never look back.
Best of luck to all of us lonely people who feel weird among other people. We are one. We are not alone. – Lonely guy in las vegas, NV.
I have a chronic illness too. I’ve suffered with it for the last ten years and it can be incredibly isolating. The worst is the judgment from friends and family who don’t understand why I ‘don’t just xyz’.
So, I get it, I really do. You are not alone. 🙂
Why did you have to mention pretty girl? This is part of the problem. Why do people have to be pretty
Sorry I am very lonely and isolated and I used to be pretty but not anymore
Linda omg I feel just the way you do. I want to run away but I can’t
This article is utter crap.
If you have a condition such as Asperger’s (not a single mention in the article) loneliness is a hallmark of the syndrome, consequently ALL of the advice on this page is irreverent, inaccurate & amateurish.
Co-morbid (at least in my case) with Asperger’s is “usually” alexithymia,, &/or solipsism. these last two ‘states’ make connections to others IMPOSSIBLE. The natural bonding is just not there. As a result my loneliness is real & physical not just some “critical inner voice” bullshit.
Did the author stop to consider the poor advice contained in this article? The words may work for people who like to pretend they are lonely, but you have NEVER experienced real loneliness unless you have solipsism.
This article should come with a warning.
Hi Aaron, what do you meaning your critical inner voice has taken over and WON?? please tell me a bit about whats going on for you to see if I can help!
Tnks
Thanks
Wow ! I am so glad to see this topic of discussion I have a critical inner voice not often representative of what is happening in reality, though sometimes these thoughts happen when a situation happens where it triggers me to question my self worth. I am 26, living with my parents because I can’t find a job, really want a girlfriend, and have friends but they are mostly friends from hs and we only get together a few times a year, I have one acquaintance from my church but other than that I feel alone. First off I really want a girlfriend and too get laid more often. I am 26, tall and told I’m very handsome even that’s should model as well as I have light brown hair, clean shaven and I exercise, go to the gym and run and I am a vegetarian. I also am Catholic and go to church am involved at my church but the parishioners are older and I have not met anyone. I have had sex in midlife and had a girlfriend a few yrs ago. For some reason I get these irrational thoughts that I’m ugly, fat and no one finds me attractive even though I’ve been Told I’m attractive and told I’m in good shape and women do smile at me sometimes. One of my worst fears is that I will be either living alone my whole life without ever meeting someone again or having sex again, or that ill still be living with my parents when I’m 50. I used to be painfully shy with women and im trying to overcome that by making eye contact and at places like the gym or coffee hour after mass making conversation, but I do get nervous when an attractive woman is around me as negative thought after negative thought fires up, that she thinks im ugly, desperate, gay , a rapist, stalker and from an outsiders view this would seem ridiculous and unreasonable. But inside my own head I start to get anxiety and these thoughts go. I also have a lot of jealousy issues. I am jealous when I am going about my business and see happy couples making out, holding hands and I’m alone, it’s the worst feeling in the world and I feel worthless, unattractive everything. People would never assume I had these thoughts of inadequacy and depression and thoughts of suicide, because on the outside I present a happy go lucky, confident attractive guy, but on the inside I feel lonely, depressed and some times like what’s the point in me living. Even though I know I could not commit such a horrible sin as my Faith guides me not too and I would not put that sadness on my parents who love me and friends and people at church. I am vain and I pray GOD gets rid of that sin as I hate it but I am extremely concerned about my appearance , my weight how I look. I feel sad because I want a relationship and I don’t drink but sometimes go to bars to try and meet women and it’s hard for me to ask them outbursts dance and I get extremely jealous when another guy takes the woman I wanted. At church I like some of the people but I feel inadequate because it’s an older clicking congregation and I feel like an outsider because these people are fromn richer backgrounds and have their lives together and when I try and engage them I feel like they are not interested in talking or getting to know me and that they don’t like me. I am looking for a younger congregation. I am also looking for a job but I capturing anything I’ve been filling out application after application. I pray that my life gets better but as of late I have felt like my life has become relentless, fulfilling, boring and when I nightingale steps to change it does not work, I feel like all my friends are happier then I am, my cousins are all married and happy and ill never have that and feel like my family dissent take me seriously. I know my parents love me and they know about the depression , but I hide it as much as I can, I am seeing a therapist but I only see him once a month. I try to focus on the positives but if my life is still like this when I’m in my 30s I don’t see why’D would want me to carry on being unhappy, not married and not employed.
Sorry for the typos my kindle chooses words.
I am similar to you only alot younger. It is so painful
I am so glad to see I am not alone in having these unwanted feelings. I have many issues like all of you in particular the whole being single thing bothers me, gives me anxiety and horrible thoughts. I am 26 years old and currently live at home with my parents and I am single. I am tall, brown haired, clean shaven and in fairly good shape , and I am a vegetarian. Some people have told me I should try out for modeling. Anyways I am insecure and feel very isolated at this time in my life and while some of it is truly absurd and unreasonable I feel like there are times I just can’t shake these bio chemical thoughts. Being single bothers me and I really want a girlfriend and I want to get laid more. The funny thing is I’ve been told I am handsome, attractive and all kinds of other compliments and women do smile at me sometimes, yet I myself can feel unattractive, and depressed. I often feel lonely when I see happy couples who look happy, or happy couples making out and the voices start going off in my head about how i am considered fat, unattractive and how ill be single and alone my whole life. I have had sex in the past and had a girlfriend, but I am shy and the weird thing is people on the outside would consider me an extrovert and yet on the inside I feel the opposite. I am Catholic and go to church and put faith in GOD and pray my life gets better. I am looking for a job filling out application after application and can’t find anything. I am still living with my parents and ashamed of it . I often have thoughts that I will live with my parents my whole life and that nothing will never change. I have friends but mostly they are friends from high school and i don’t spend as much time with them also at church it’s mostly older people who are clickish and I’m trying to find a younger parish. I am very vain which is a horrible sin and I care very much about my appearance and even though I’m given compliments left and right myself wonder why I don’t have a girlfriend. I sometimes question weather life is all worth it, my parents do know I have depression but I bottle it up when I’m with them, I am involved at my church and involved and outside in life, but sometimes I wonder if GOD truly wants me to live if I’m suffering so much inside. People except my parents see my smile outside and see this upbeat and confident guy, but I feel insecure and worthless on the inside often. The weird thing is I don’t know why I feel like this I grew up in a “normal middle class background” with a good childhood and loving parents I was always very shy with women and I try to fight the shyness bland make small talk if I can, but often I freeze up around beautiful women and I feel ashamed. I feel jealous of less attractive men who get laid every night. I could never commit suicide because it’s a major sin in Christianity but I feel like maybe GOD dissent want me to get a job, a wife or girlfriend and be independent, if I am still living like this when I’m 35 I think I’m doomed.
I run and go to the gym and I feel better doing those activities. That is a good way to work off depression.
Hey John, I think we would both be surprised to hear just how many others feel this at one time or another. We sound like we may have some shared experience here. I wonder if these feelings are a call from the universe to dig deep and attune with our inner selves. It has been said if there is a feeling sit with it quietly, breath through it and listen don’t run from it. I think much can be learnt if we do this. Mindfulness has really helped me. Happy seeking John from a similar soul.
Great article. Hi everyone. Listen it’s a different society out there now. Very isolated and anti-social. Very meaningless. None of you are alone. What I’ve found is that nobody I meet has the capability to have an intelligent conversation anymore. Its all surface crap and meaningless dialogue. I won’t waste my time with that (now in my 50’s). I don’t hate people, just a majority of them 🙂 American society especially has become inane, selfish and ignorant. Don’t let it get to you. Stay strong. I’ll tell you the media at large presses upon us the idea that people need people. Back in time when earths population was numbered in the millions there was a great deal of isolation. Without being to wordy I will add some things I find helps. Books, literature is quite awesome and a way to stay connected, nothing like a good book to engross you in human thought. Nature is spectacular, please spend more time in it. The search for self is also a wonderful thing. It never gets old, the questions, why am I here, who am I, what is important in what I think? Of course number one is I have found Jesus Christ to be about the best friend a person can have. Let me say this quickly…that empty house, not so empty anymore, that empty lonely life, not so empty anymore once one has a relationship with God. I can’t say it strongly enough, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, these commenters alone tell you that. We are not guaranteed a grand social life but there are many many things one can do if they can find the courage to face that they may have to “go it alone.” Find peace and harmony in how you individually relate to the universe, the stars are a wonder to behold and each of us is a part of it, each day is a gift.
I was in the grocery check out line on Friday, the lady looked tired, about my age, when she handed me the receipt I looked deep into her eyes and said thank you [Connie], have a great weekend. Her whole face lit up….someone had taken a few second to actually notice her. I think I made her day. Who says being isolated and lonely prevents us from affecting others positively. Ya know that interaction made my day too. Seek that and you will find it. Know that it isn’t necessarily your fault at all that you find yourself in this state, as we can see lots of us are in similar circumstance. Keep in mind that IMO 99% of the people on this planet aren’t worth the time of day now. It’s quite ridiculous out there now. Revel in your independence, there is a whole world out there waiting to be explored if only through reading and visual arts, media and entertainment. Don’t think that “people” and socialism is the end all be all. Being the best you can be alone can matter. Consider how strong you are for facing that challenge everyday. Jesus said I am with you, I will never leave you or forsake you. I have found this to be true. What an ear he has to lend…I talk to him often and I know he listens. Don’t forget about pets, highly recommended, unconditional love and affection. I have one friend, estranged from my family, divorced for a little over two years now, can’t seem to find anyone I can relate to or deserves it. Yet I don’t necessarily despise folks just would rather be left alone than forced to socialize with what I see out there now. Shame really but what can you do? You can be happy…with you, that we can control. Best to all
Nicely stated Sir. You seem to have a handle on it and I so glad to hear it as I relate so well to what you have said and if you look at my comments you’ll see this is so and I wrote before I read yours. Good for you and I wish you the best going forward. We can ever completely escape the negative or isolated thoughts that occasionally rush up on us that we are lonely. But…..each day we are given the gift of life and I think that is what the old people you refer to understand. Last summer I had two butterflies who apparently had taken up residence in my backyard somewhere. I would see them almost daily running around the couple of hundred square feet. I’d read on my patio and look up and see them constantly. I tell you if given the choice between a backyard full of meaningless conversation amongst people I might not necessarily care for (and I was in that very scenario many times with ex’s friends, good people but not my cup of tea) and watching those two butterflies while I enjoyed a sunny day out in back of the house I’d take that every time. Best of luck to you.
I can definatly relate to loneliness. I have always found it really hard to get close to people and maintain relationships. I am at a point in my life where I would really like to have more friends but it exhausts me just thinking about it. I have a hard time relaxing around people and I think people can take me the wrong way. I seem to have a lot of social anxiety and feel insecure around certain people..I have battled with drinking and anger because of it…..
Interesting article. I find myself lonely and isolated quite frequently. But it seems the author implies that all of us have multiple personalities:; I quote, “Literally tell them to go away and that you refuse to buy into their destructive message.” Well I would if I could, but the only reason that I think that way is, well because that is the way I think and I see it as truth! I believe that I am unlikable to most people, and I feel much better when I am alone, and not under the watchful eye of critical people.
I just got back from a vacation of being by myself. I was very lonely, but I loved it! Did I really want to be alone? No I didn’t, but it allowed me plenty time to think and evaluate my life in general. I am not happy with my life, in fact I hate it! But I am not suicidal, I just look for ways to deal with it. Being lonely is not necessary a bad thing, I think everyone needs some “alone time” to think.
I enjoy helping other people, I enjoy making other people smile. But too often, when I try to help others or make them happy, I achieve the opposite of what I am trying to accomplish. This only makes me want to isolate myself even more!
Joe,
I like the basis of your comment. I have no religion, so I will keep my views to my self in that regard. But I liked what you said; that you “looked deep into her eyes and said thank you [Connie], have a great weekend.” It seems that most everyone are so self absorbed into themselves to even notice other people around them. I do think that our society has become more inward and selfish.
But have you ever went anywhere in public and for no reason at all, to give a smile to someone. Anyone! Being a gentleman in public, and giving a smile more often rewards me with a smile in return. It makes me feel good when I can at least bring a smile to someone’s face, if only for a few seconds.
I’m stuck in that vicious circle and it is hard to break it. I got back from an 8-years long work contract in a foreign country about 6 months ago. I was excited for the first month after I got back, and then, I ended up alone 99% of the time because I feel I really don’t belong. Almost of not all my friends are now married, with kids, which is not my case, and being absent for so long made me “fall off the radar”. Even though I went to 4 birthday parties since I came back, nobody remembered mine. I also realized that when I don’t call, nobody will take the initiative to call me. If I found that normal in the first 3 months because of my prolonged absence, after 6 months, things did not get better inspite of genuine efforts I made to get involved in my friends’ and parents’ lives, and this weekend will be the sixth in a row being alone in my appartment. I’m started to feel like I am not able to get myself out of this, and it goes from bad to worse…
Hello to everyone. I just spent the greater part of the last 2 hours reading everyone’s comments and blogs. These sites are very informative and helpful. It provides a means to reach out and feel understood & connected with other people in similar situations.
I am over 50, the mother of 4 children, divorced after 20-years of marriage, Nana to almost 3 grandchildren, a military brat, finishing up a 2nd Master’s in Mental Health Counseling, I, too, have a chronic illness, ADHD, and clinical depression. I KNOW how blessed I am! But, like many if you, there are times when there are only feelings of emptiness, loneliness , and depression. I HATE having those feelings!
Ten years ago, I watched as my 19-year-old daughter was pronounced dead by the ER physician. She had developed a blood clot in her leg that escaped many doctors. My life changed forever that night!
I was diagnosed with having clinical depression at around age 30 however; I am certain I struggled with it as a teenager. At that time, it wasn’t uncommon to be told things like, ” you’re so sensitive!” The stigma of having depression was pretty strong back then.
I have been through the ugliness of depression…extreme sadness, feeling like no one likes me or understands me, the negative self-talk, the thoughts of wanting to die!
When I recognized that it was depression that I struggled with (and I thank Oprah for having that show on depression that I happened to have seen) …well, it was like an epiphany, and the next day I called and made an appointment to see a doctor. I started therapy and medication which, I am certain, saved my life!! Anyone who knows what it feels like to battle with depression can understand that, with the right help & education, you can feel almost reborn & alive …which is a feeling like no other!
My depression comes and goes, but I am very in-tune with how I am thinking & feeling, and I know what I have to do not to allow the depression to win! It’s an ugly, lonely neurobiological illness.
It is SO important to reach out to people…even going to places like this site. It can mean the difference between life & death for someone! Reach out…and for those who may not struggle with depression, look around you…there are people all around hurting every day. A smile or a sincere hello could make a big difference in a person’s life at that moment!
The professionals are so right in saying to do whatever you can to connect with someone…it will help you feel understood, accepted, and positive. That’s the spark one needs! All of you suffering with depression, addictions, etc., you ARE IMPORTANT, special, needed, valued & loved! Sometimes the good people in our lives don’t find us…we find them! God Bless you all. Please reach out!! I will make myself available to anyone as well. Please don’t give up! Thanks for sharing…you are courageous and strong, and more than likely, helping to save another person’s life!
Hey, I feel exactly like u. Actually I also suffer from social anxiety and am on a mental health care plan. And I also feel extremely lonely, and right now i am crying even while lying beside my best friend who is already asleep… I have always since a child also feel very depressed when I can’t sleep but everyone around me is already sleeping, it makes me feel hopeless and panicky. I don’t know how to calm racing thoughts when I’m out. We saw a friend today, and I could not stop feeling afraid and acting like I’m stupid. I feel stupid a lot… And i feel like people think i might be stupid but are just trying to be nice. I feel super sad right now… I really want someone to talk to, and to love. My best friend loves me, but we were together once and sometimes it still breaks my heart inside that we can only be just friends now, and i feel so attracted to her tonight, but all she said to me was please dont make yourself intentionally miserable, i have to get up early tomorrow for work u do love you… I csnt stop feeling so hopeless… 🙁
i feel just the same as you do. i am also studying abroad and feeling lonely and can’t organize my day. And felling nervous of wasting the whole day because i sleep late. maybe we can help each others 😉
It is always wonderful to have a loved one to share your life with.
hi
I think you should embrace the things you like to do. Great way of finding one’s self-worth! Spend some quality time with yourself, or take up some hobby you used to like but haven’t done in years. Or challenge yourself in new ways – learn something new, step outside your comfort zone. Those kind of things may feel awkward at first, but generally boosts your self image and confidence after a little while! 🙂
I am also on an exchange and experiencing strong feelings of isolation and like nobody is ‘on my level’.. Just now I watched a video that started making me ball my eyes out (it was about a guy who lost his wife after 70-odd years) and that just triggered a whole lot more crying, proper chest heaving/aching stuff. I don’t normally cry like that. I feel this constant source of insecurity and panic that I’m not going to be successful in the future (in my own definition, which just means being happy). I know uncertainty is a reality for everyone, but it really shook me just now.
I constantly feel unworthy to be in this position and often feel like the outcast in social situations. I am always awkwardly self-deprecating myself and blurting out my worries/thoughts/dramas to people and then feel stupid for doing it afterwards. But when I’m nervous in a social situation my main concern is to keep talking, not relax and be present and think calm and evenly about what I’m saying. All this social anxiety/feeling of isolation is exacerbated by the fact that I’m in a foreign country, whose language I do not speak, but it’s also stuff I’ve used alcohol and drugs to forget about in my normal life back home. I feel especially bad tonight because I’ve been hating on myself, in fear I’ve put on weight and am going to put on more – I find it so hard to motivate myself to exercise though (and I’m an incredibly chronic procrastinator. I have mastered the art). I had an eating disorder (bulimia) in varying degrees of severity (sometimes not for a couple months, but I would be taking a lot of drugs) for 5 years, but that ended about 18months ago. I’m really worried though because I’ve self-induced vomiting twice in about 10 days (including today) and I’m scared I’m going to fall back into old habits. Not having drugs and alcohol and turning to this old form of self-abuse is making me think I legitimately have a mental health issue that I need to talk to someone about. I wish I could access a counselling service here like back home! In the meantime I hope this post acts as a cathartic practise and I know I need to start meditating and building up my self-worth (third chakra or whatever you want to call it). Hopefully then I will feel more comfortable with myself and stop worrying all the time!
Thanks for reading if you got this far!
It seems to me there’s two kinds of loneliness, loneliness by separation, and feeling alone amongst others. The former, loneliness by separation, just makes plain common sense. We are wired at a very primitive level to not be alone too long, probably for survival reasons. The other seems puzzling but probably not when you consider how much artificiality goes into most social convention. I’d say both are very real, but are amplified by a lack of meaning and purpose. When we have both of these when alone it is called solitude, when amongst others it is called community.
I’ve suffered for a long time from what I call depression, social anxiety and chronic fatigue. I’ve been seeking out mindfulness as a way to deal with the resulting loneliness. I have a fairly comfortable life, but I question this as well so try to find ways to live humbly. I volunteer, and I would tell anyone volunteering is very rewarding but it is not an answer. I’ve kept myself healthy and fit, but think I’m kidding myself that it makes a difference after a certain age.
Perhaps our civilization is at fault, after all look at what and who we worship (actually, don’t, if you can possibly avoid it). Though as has been said here, having money, good looks, or even lots of relationships is no barrier to feeling lonely.
Sorry I ramble. Perhaps, as Joe says, the feeling of being unworthy is a message we get from society. And we know how often those messages from society are healthful and totally concerned with our well-being 🙂 Kudos to him for finding ways around it. I will still be searching for some time…
I, too, feel something may be wrong with me because suddenly at age 61 I have become more hermit-like, though I am deeply in love my boyfriend of two years. But he’s all I need, pretty much. How long that will last I don’t know.
I think Joe below is right when he says its harder than ever to connect with people, to even like them anymore! Yes, many are still wonderful, but more than ever people are VERY self-absorbed, too busy, overly busy so they will feel important and/or simply NOT THINK, selfish, grasping because it’s so hard now to make a living, etc. I understand the reasons, thank God but the end result is after 61 years I am out of steam and find myself avoiding most people because their energy is mostly negative or self-absorbed or clueless.
Also, I have always been very sensitive, but gregarious usually, popular even mostly. I am considered very pretty though 61, highly educated, thoughtful, kind, hyper-aware of everyone’s feelings about 70-80% of the time. Long ago my family started taking me for granted and not responding when I was in emotional pain ’cause “Ellen is strong and will survive. No need to worry much about her. She’s a survivor, etc. , etc., etc.”. So that sort of neglect, despite ministering to THEM for years and years left me a little bitter I must say. Still and all I am somewhat involved in everyone’s life (family) except one brother. I prefer my nephews to my Boomer brothers! I prefer my first cousins also as they seem to stick together thru thick and thin and I admire/respect that. So I now talk to them on FB, not my immediate family much.
My feeling about this is at some point maybe it’s ok? to be bitter. OK to want to keep your own company or just that of a boyfriend, say. It’s OK. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed and I refuse to believe there is anything psychologically wrong with me.
I plan to bring it up with my therapist soon, but I just wanted to give my thoughts here in the hope they help others in some way. Good luck to everyone and God bless.
PS
In order to grow spiritually, many years ago now I sought detachment as much as possible. I also worked hard and still do, to reduce my ego, not feed it. Maybe those two spiritual practices, though beneficial in many great ways, well maybe I took it too far. But all I know is I am more superficial with people now (keep my interactions mostly superficial with most) and prefer it that way. It may not be mainstream but I feel it is MY “new normal” and OK. My path now. Few would understand so I don’t discuss my path or my spiritual influences much.
Nearly everyone on this planet now seems to think they only live for the moment, for money, for their families and friends and petty politics or interest group and everything else be damned- God, the world, the environment, your neighbor. It is a bleak time to be in the body, I will say that, but it will get better. We are on the cusp of a spiritual rebirth believe it or not. Now if I can only convince my bf of that as he is the world’s biggest pessimist and paranoid! lol
I am sorry that you have been experiencing such strong feelings of isolation. It sounds like you have overcome a lot, like breaking your self-abuse with drugs and alcohol. It would be great to find some form of therapeutic support while you are on your exchange. This website can help you locate a therapist internationally: http://www.therapistlocator.net/ You could also email [email protected] if you are feeling depressed and need someone to talk to.
Great article. Also I think this method worked wonders for me. read this article and it will make you understand on how to feel alone instead of lonely >>>> http://www.contrast007.com/how-not-to-be-lonely/
Hi Ellen, you sound exactly like me. In a weird way it’s comforting to know someone else feels as I do. I hope it’s not misery likes company. I don’t want to be unhappy, nor do I want you to be. There’s at least one other that feels as you do. Great luck to you. Please be happy, you are worth it. This is a tough world to be sensitive in. Good luck, Jim
Everyone here says they’re lonely, but sounds like many of you guys have got a lot of support. I have no friends, don’t get phone calls, Facebook, messages, nothing. I’m 28 and only have my family. I’ve tried to connect with new people but I don’t have anything to talk about and it doesn’t last. I’ve been lonely for years.. I feel like no one likes me.. Please help I don’t know what to do
Excuse me “Pretend they are lonely” who are you judge anyones experiences or feelings? Are you an expert or a Doctor? Stupid comments like that are the reason why these problems go unresolved. How dare you judge anyone elses feelings.. just because you found a name for your condition and probably went to a doctor dosent mean anyone elses experiences are bullshit or pretend.
Learn to have an open mind and heart and know that no one is right or wrong in there experiences.
i have isolated myself for almost three yrs now. The only time i leave my small apartment is to go to dr appointments and too church. i get my granddaughters every other weekend one at a time for a sleepover. I have no friends and my children are grown and have their own lives they really dont spend any time with me anymore. The only time I show signs of life and happiness is when i am with my granddaughters. It was important to me for them to have God in their lives for the simple fact my daughter struggles with the exsistance of God and faith. Her and her boyfriend came along with me at church a few times. my church has a strict policy with our children their and you sign children in and out of sunday school through fingerprint. Since I am mainly the only one that takes them my fingerprints were the only one they had my daughter works alot and is hardly ever off on sundays. Well she attended with me and my oldest granddaughter recently and had a attitude cause she wasnt able to sign the girls into class so she had her prints done and took over what i took very proudly away rom me. Little by little everything is slipping away from me. Most of all the only thing that gave me happiness and peace. Im even told i am not even a good grandmother cause i spoil and show my granddaughters attention. I am considering moving several miles away alone away from everything and everyone that hurts me. Even if it hurts my oldest granddaughter that i raised for the first year and a half of her life. Cause obviously i am ruining her life as well. Talk bout being lonely and alone i have been for quit sometime. I cant stand to be away from my apaprtment for too long i dont feel safe and i feel out of place everywhere elses.
I feel the same leaving here going some place new meet new friends and start over buy feel trapped I’m getting fat sad and safer everyday i want to do things but can’t face them even walking out side to walk to the shops is stressing and think I can’t go because I’m all alone
Cj I hear you, and know your loneliness, you must be patient and wait, find hobby, distract your thoughts, start to think positive about yourself, tell yourself f… all i am going to enjoy life and I deserve happiness. Be grateful for what you have now, not in future because it’s all now. Don’t miss opportunities greater force give to You, if you look long behind you won’t see now. Take care.
This is one of the most relatable articles I have found on this topic. I still don’t know that there is anyone who feels quite like I do though. I’m 24, working 2 jobs, and trying to get through college. I live a vicious cycle of procrastination, very low self confidence, anxiety, depression, and who knows what else. I look around and see my classmates graduating college, happy in love, just MAKING SOMETHING of themselves and looking truly happy. I feel as if I am still looking for true happiness but I don’t have the drive, motivation, or mindset to do so. I know I have potential. I started college with a full scholarship but for some reason I ruined it for myself. I watch myself skipping class, putting off assignments, sleeping until 2 or 3 pm. I want to change, but I don’t. I also constantly worry about others’ opinion of me. My appearance, my personality—–I feel weird and awkward, even though I know there are people who like me and enjoy my company. I just can’t help feeling like no one truly knows me, and I will never be a “normal person” who knows who they are and excels in life. All of this is random and hard to follow, but it felt nice to rant. Hugs to everyone.
It’s very effortless to find out any matter on web as compared to textbooks,
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I’m so sorry I am writting this. I feel so alone. Back about 4 or 5 years ago I was a happy person, who would engage in some hard anxiety problems in the night. It would only happen some very few times. Now it happens everytime. I can’t bound with people, I always feel socially awkward. I think I have embraced my own misery, because it seems people try to approach me and I’m too selfish to care. I isolate and end up more depressed than I was before. I don’t know if I’m depressed or just spoiled. This kind of doubts lead me to self judgement every single second of my life. Sometimes I try so hard not to tell anyone how I feel, even though I really wanted to. But I never do, because I don’t want to deal with myelf after bothering them with my problems. Only leave the house to go to college, but that’s pretty much it. I feel like I had no friends, and really had to share this in some random place, and see if it gets me going.
Yep. I get it.
Has anyone noticed how empathetic, helpful and warm everyone here is?
I read somewhere that what we experience as adults mirrors what we experienced with our parents. If you were abused, you maybe a target for bullies or mean people. If you were neglected, you may experience being ignored or excluded. These experiences make you want to retreat and stay away from people. I don’t know that it gets better with age,
But I do know that you beautiful, sensitive people deserve to exist and deserve a good life that you enjoy. Until you figure out how to do that, don’t be like the others by criticizing and belittling yourself. Be patient and speak kindly to yourself, and if you just can’t leave he house, accept that for today and find a way to enjoy your living space. Take good care of yourself first and other things may come out of that.
Hi John,
Your feeling almost same like what I am having. I am the only child in the family and I was feeling lonely since from my childhood days, but it was disappeared when I was at my 25 to 34 but it is coming again in my life and feeling worst now. Having with some friends or with hubby but still feeling lonely and incomplete. Fearing about future is making me worst like how could I stand this feeling at my elderly age later since I am feeling that lonely at my late 30 now. Visiting friends home made me more lonely and feeling incomplete…as they have kids and their life is completed with family charm while I felt like I don’t have. As you mentioned, I hardly make calls to freinds and relative but it is superfacial, I know my self and I am forcing to make a call but it really don’t work. I am trying to be more connected with friends where my somewhat inside of me is reminding but in reality I don’t really like to do so and still makes no different.. :(. At least good to know that there are many people feeling same like me in this world.
Hi i have been reading all the comments on this site. I cant believe i have so much in common with most peoples posts.
I am 49 years old, live in a small village in South Wales, i recently moved here to be closer to my partner, and to try and find work. Due to claiming benefits it was the only private landlord i could find to take me on.
Well sinse i have been here 6 mths, i have become very isolated and lonely and getting more and more depressed.
I dont go out much as i dont know any one, i only leave the house when my other half comes to see me(he is full time carer for his mum and dad, so dont see him alot) I have tried everything to find a job, no luck, i dont drive so have to rely on public transport.
I have also tried to do voluntary work but they dont need me often enough to be out the house. Both my children have now left home for some years my son is at uni, and my daughter live abroard.
I am currently looking to move and try and change my situation but as still on benefits no one wants to take me in a new flat or house, due to all this bedroom tax and benefits cap. Its not for the want of trying to get out its just not working, and lack of money doesnt help. I have no friends or family close by, and as said partner can only come when he is free.
So i am at a loss what to do??? can anyone please help???????
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I understand you Michelle. I came from Europe to US. Prior to coming to US I was struggling, maybe more than you do, but now even if I have everything that I ever wanted I still feel alone. I have a husband who loves me and a little girl but I still need friends, true friends with whom to do things. So, like you I thought that having everything will make me happy but I am not, at least not always. We need this balance, financial security, family who loves us but also friends. if one of these is missing it’s not working. Plus, in today’s world people are so isolated, everyone’s minding their own business, as people said it here it feels very superficial even when you go out with someone. I had the chance to experience a different life style in Europe. I miss people caring about you, getting together with cousins, neighbors coming to your house and looking in your fridge or borrowing things. But when I was there all I needed was to have financial security. I thought that this could make you happy but is not like that. We need all of it to be happy. I live for my little girl and I really hope that she will not be like me. my heart breaks thinking that she might feel the same. I am hesitating to talk to strangers and if someone talks to me I stay away. I became to trust no one and I am thinking that I am just not clicking with anyone and it’s my fault. and meanwhile my life passes and I feel that is so empty of emotions. Hang in there Michelle and try to find your hope somewhere to help you feel a little better. this is what I do now on this website. looking for solutions on how to improve my life quality. I feel better that I am not alone feeling like this even if this might sound cruel. I genuinely want happiness for all the people in the world.
I feel the same and I blame myself or the cultural differences. and my husband, to make it worse, tells me that it is just in my head.
glad you did that. It happened to me too but God gave me hope. I swear, hope saves you from anything, you just need to find it.
wow… and when I thought that I am the only one feeling like this. same here, only my husband is telling me that it is all in my head and I should go do things. so many times I plan to sign up for some mom’s club or do something that will get me out of isolation, yet, I always end up staying home and burned up by the end of the day. then my husband comes from work, tired, (he is a pretty quiet person ) and there it goes, no one to talk to at home either. sometimes I take my frustration on him. I tell him that I always have to fish the words out of him. I am so tired of feeling like this 🙁 that’s why I am here, looking for solutions. I want so much a better life quality. for my little girl, I don’t want to be a depressed mom. I want her to be happy with me and not inherit this behavior from me.
Hi CJ
please don’t feel like this. I know it is very tough. try to reach out to family at least, if you have any. I have a sister and even she is far away from me I talk to her on skype and she always encourages me. by reading these testimonials, you and I are not alone and this make me feel a little better. I know it’s hard but, hey, here you have someone who associates with you, feels your pain. Please don’t give up and look for hope. This is what I do, I want to find peace, and be strong for my little girl. I know, I feel the same. every time I go out with “friends” I feel that it is very superficial so I already lost hope in finding a true friend here. at least for now. but I want to find personal satisfaction in doing something else. try to do the same. maybe volunteer, or do some hobby ( I like drawing, it relaxes me so much) or join some clubs, or go to church. these are my intentions now, hopefully I will follow through this time because I can’t take it anymore. take care and try to be strong.
Hey CJ
I understand your struggle buddy.
I am also an only child.
I am actually also 27.
The older I get.. the more I come to realize that people with no siblings are forced to live a walk of solitude that those with siblings could never understand unless they lost their siblings.
I feel you.
Rainer Maria Rilke once said that to confront our solitude is very difficult.
For something to be so difficult is one more reason for us to do it.
The benefits of doing something we would rather not or fear doing can be vast in self accomplishment.
Even if it is something as hard as spendin your time with yourself.
I hope this message makes it to you in time brother.
The stream of consciousness that runs throughout all of us is strong in me.
And I want you to know that god or the universe or what have you wouldn’t have me wanting to reach back to you so badly if you weren’t likable. Or if your life had no purpose.
I’m a complete stranger to you.
Yet I love you. 😉
“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others.. and the delight in the recognition”
Much love to you and anyone else reading this who is experiencing the same gut-wrenching solitude that I have experienced, and continue to feel everyday.
-Gil
All of these stories are so touching and helps me know that im not alone. I have always felt secluded, socially awkward and the list goes on childhood through adult years. I feel like theres no hope. Im 28 years old woman and just now getting my first apartment from living with family. My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. I know its soley because I have social anxiety and can’t hold a conversation. Sometimes I get so nervous that I just start laughing or can’t make eye contact. Part of it has to do with very low self confidence. Im so hurt that he left me and feel that no one will take me serious. I really need to get out and interact more. It’s just so depressing going through all this
Kelly, I know what you mean – it’s so hard getting older and feeling more isolated from people. I feel sad for you that your children don’t visit very often. Is there anyone whom you can talk to at church who could counsel you? Or could you talk to a Christian therapist? Maybe a counselor at church or a Christian therapist could help you find a support group of people going through something similar to what you are experiencing. A counselor also might be able to help you learn skills on how to make and keep friends as well, if you feel that you struggle in that area. I will keep you in my prayers.
@Whitney – OMG I am going through the same thing and have no family. I was always independent financially and the illness ruined me. From the outside I had it all, but on the inside I never did.
@Cj Major hugs to you hun. You hang onto that hope forever. If you don’t find spiritual satisfaction then get your hope from here or a clock! It could even be a happy memory, even tho I know those are hard to think of at times like this. Deepak Chopra has a saying I like “Every time you are tempted to react n the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or…a pioneer of the future.”
Hi Dawson. Have you thought of part time work? Or volunteering? You really need some guy friends which is hard to do when you are stay at home dad. Even if there are extra costs associated with childcare, your mental health is worth more. Or perhaps you can trade with a mother of the classmates where you look after her kids one day and she does the next. I’m sure a mother would welcome a few hours of peace & quiet. Baby steps huh. Just baby steps.
{{{{alina}}}}, I bet there are so many moms who feel just like you do. Where do you live? Sometimes men and/or husbands say stupid things like ‘all in your head’ b/c they don’t know what to do or say. Men like to fix things, solution oriented. But if they don’t have solution then they don’t want to see the problem. Even so, he can’t be all things all the time. That would be unfair burden. You have luxury of not having to work (or maybe you would like to work?) so that suggests it is your depression holding you back, not your husband. Have you tried any AD’s? They have been life saver for me especially since I have worsening chronic illness. Like Dawson and all of us, baby steps. And don’t worry if some days they don’t come. Next day, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. There are no rules or failures.
WOW JustMe, I think you got it! Please check in and share how you are doing. I need to do as you are but can’t wrap my head around it. I know I am allowing little things and annoying people get to me, but maybe it is a good thing. I have such pent-up emotion, I need to release it before I explode. So I am trying to look at it as positive. On the other hand, I may only be fooling myself. I sure hope not!
Andy, I think you are a tad harsh. I know a little bit about Asperger but not enough to totally understand the isolation you must be feeling. But on the other hand, people can feel lonely, or depressed, or both w/o having Asperger’s as well. There are no requirements or specific place one must be on the mental health scale to feel lonely & depressed. They are feelings and EVERYONE is entitled to their own feelings. I’m sorry you are having such a tough time with yours. I know it can’t be easy.
Hi Sue
Sorry to hear you are lonely and depressed. I know the feeling.
You say you have ‘recently’ moved … Where are you originally from?
May I ask, when you were raising your children, did you work?
Cath
All i want is more friends, but i know that will never happen, im just a boy who was out grown by society, left in a room for 14 years, i broke free but seclusion is all i known, my mother died and my fathers a, lets just say a bad man, but when i did break free, no one likes me for who i am, so i stay forever in seclusion, i have a fake personality to look like im normal but, im not.
hello everyone here ! This is raj from India and I am 19 years old and my father was seperated with my mother and i hate him becuase he was gone away with another lady before i was born and right now I was away from my family and for my carrier and studies it was six months ago back on November 2013 and I was never been alone but now i have to be alone to achieve my carrier goals and i have to manage myself everything in this teen age even though I have enough friends but they are not too close and I feel like some people are trying to avoid me but I don’t know why eventhough I am good and honest with them and some friends being busy in their works and they are too far away from me & i am single i dont have girl friend and my profession is information technology but unluckily I don’t get some good friends in my office because of age factor and now presently i am feeling alone and feeling like depressed and I don’t know with whom I can also share that and I had enough confidence that I can achieve my goals but now I am feeling lacking of self confidence because of a loneliness and being depressed and planning to continue my higher studies in Australia when I got financially good for that and wish to get some good friends who can share my happiness and also my sadness and i do see some people being friends only for money & I hate that kind of people and I do see here many people posted here and I wish everyone will get out from loneliness and depression and have a happiest and peaceful life soon and I will pray to the god for the same ..
Hi Gil,
My son is an only child and I am worried sick. I have family but they can care less about me and my son. It sucks so bad. We are always alone. He wont have anyone when he’s older. Someone please help me. I am suffering everyday and don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what to do. I have no friends – partly because I am painfully scared of social interaction and partly because I’m a very unattractive person (inside and outside). The only person who really cares about me is my mother, who I am infinitely grateful for, as she is the only one I can talk to, but I am tired of burdening her with all my problems. I have a sibling who has more serious psychological problems than I do, so my mother already has too much on her plate. I am naturally a loner, but I really wish that I had someone to talk to. I am not a good person in that I am very selfish and always feel jealous of everyone else, so I don’t really deserve friendship, but I still wish that I was capable of it. Writing this post was really scary. If anyone is out there, could you please give me some advice?
That self help stuff is all well and good, but what would really help would be if someone would just care that I am hurting.
Sandy, mine is the same story as yours but I’m only 26. I was always a loner at school. Not that I never had any friend but I never wanted to be with them all the time. However, at home I used to be a very naughty and fun-loving kid, popular with all of my 27 cousins. But that was until I got married 5 years back. There’s no one at my husband’s place apart from me, my husband & my mother-in-law. And I feel really lonely and I crave to go back to my days before marriage. After 5 years, I still don’t have a kid although I was the first one among my friends to get married. I don’t even feel like calling my mom or my best friend and when I have to visit someone’s home, I fright the thought.
I feel very sad and depressed whenever i have my family around me…..i am unable 2 express my self and how i feel I only feel better when am alone and then no one cares 2 know y behave that way they take it as i am just been a junky and it’s killing me inside although I don’t have my mum around its just stepsmum and my father’s job doesn’t allow him stay with us he only comes and goes…….wah do you think is wrong with me?
I am 57. I am an only child..I am married to a wonderful man,,but do not have children. I was epileptic all my life,and married late..My Mom has had dementia now for 7 years and my Dad lives with us..My parents moved in a year after our marriage,my husband thought it proper where i was their only child we should be there for them..We all got along great..Mom is now in a nursing home,and my Dad visits everyday.We were always very very close,,and i can’t imagine what i will do when they pass away.I cannot work,due to my back,i no longer have the seizures….But all i see is a grim future..No more new memories. I never minded being an only child,as i always had many friends and cousins..Many of these have moved away and some have lives with their grandchildren and children..I am depressed all the time..I am worried about money as i can no longer work,and am working on a getting disability..I worked all my life with up to 2O seizures a month and even got promoted..I refused a pension twice,,and not sorry I did..I wanted to lead a close to normal life..I fought all my life to be strong..but now what is there to look forward to…My husband is great,but i can no longer do many things..I sometimes say what will there be to live for…I feel alone, lonely,depressed scared…People say ..well you have your husband,,yes i know,but so do many others..Who do i turn to when i have no direct family left
Hi, lately I’ve been feeling like my parents don’t have any time to help me with anything or evern just spend time with me. I’m 16, I have four siblings, one of which doesn’t live with us anymore, so they’re attention is divided anyway but lately, there has been much less one on one time with me and them. I come home at night about to do homework, I go to ask them something, then my immediate reaction is, “they don’t have time. Don’t”. They seem to always be working on something and they get frustrated when I try to tell them something but I’m not sure whether it’s all the time. This article helped a bit but my situation doesn’t sound the same and I don’t know what to do.
Hi Maddy, I am sorry that you feel like your parents don’t have time for you. Do they know that you feel this way? If not, I think it would be a good idea to tell them. They might not realize that you’re feeling like this. I understand how you feel when I was your age my dad wasn’t around and my mom would always go out with her friends so I felt like she never had time for me either. So I told her how I felt and she started spending more time with me. I think it would be a good idea for you to tell your parents as well.
People say go out and have a drink somewhere, talk to people. I have no problem talking to people for work, but when I’m not working, I am so lonely and isolated. I don’t want to go to a bar alone as a single woman, I guess because men will think I’m there to get “picked up” and most people are coupled and I stick out. My mother died 26 years ago when I was 22. I’ve been divorced for nearly 12 years. All of my “friends” are married, in relationships and don’t have time or interest in going out without their partner. I hate feeling like this. I’ve never felt like this before. I even tried the online dating thing, but no one piqued my interest. I’m 48 years old, I have a pretty successful business, my son is 18 & independent. A good kid.. I’m very proud of him. I hide my lonely feelings from him because I don’t want him to think that he has to keep mommy company. I just want to feel better.
I love all of u becuz we are all experiencing the same feelings. The root cause of it all is fear and lack of love. So if we can get eliminate fear and hear the phrase “i love u” on a consistent basis then we all shall be ok, okay?
I’m a guy, aged 22. My girlfriend recently moved abroad for summer vacations and there she would get engaged to her cousin. None of them are in the favor of this marriage and the girl told her mom about the guys disliking too, but her mom wouldn’t listen. The parents want some legal marriage documentation sort of thing done there in Australia so that she gets her visa soon once she comes back to Pakistan. She has left for almost 40 days and it is probably her 2nd day there today. The girl even told her mom about us, liking each other. She knows me as i have been visiting her place for exam studies etc. All of a sudden her mom changed her mind and decided to get her Nikkah done( a muslim custom performed right before marriage). I have been feeling extremely depressed these days so much so that i often ended up crying, something that i am disappointed of being a guy but i couldn’t help it. My mom is aware of my situation and she often tries to calm me down and cries too when she watches me depressed. The girl’s mom thinks that since we belong to different sects in Islam we have no future, cuz even if we had a future it would be marred by problems. We really like each other and we are in the fourth year of bachelors degree and having been in a relationship. We were best friends and we are too. But the thought of her living with that family and interacting with the guy is killing me. I try my best to get my mind off this but that’s of no use. She is a really nice girl and i have full faith in her but i sometimes start getting pissed at her as if she’s happy and doing nothing to protect the relationship. I have been pretty upset. Please help me someone. I am also planning to move abroad next year for masters and i’m pretty hopeful of getting a good job too to secure her future. But i fail to get why her mom is not listening even though she knows her daughter is not happy and cries day in and day out. The guy told my girlfriend himself that he drinks and can’t give up and his family doesn’t know about this. Whenever i discuss with my gf she ends up crying cuz honestly speaking she did try a lot. But we are still trying and praying. But there seems no way out of this depression. She tries to explain that i can not tell the guy and his family that i like someone else but i can stay quite if they ask me if i am happy. She says she loves me more than anything and she would keep on loving me and we will remain best friends and talk forever and be there for each other, i trust her and know shes saying the truth. But once she gets married, she would be busy with her life and house affairs, how would she have time for me. It would be unethical to ask her for a similar relationship because now she would be someones wife. It would be unethical on both of us. But the thought of her living with another guy and making a family would kill me. She says the guy is afraid of having kids with her and says she would avoid physical contact as long as she can. But i know one day or the other the guy would be pressurized from his family to go for a baby, or he might even want to do it out of his own will, even if it is not for a baby. My life and hopes would be over. She would be back after 40 days for a year or so but i won’t be having the same time with her if she gets engaged or nikkah-ofied. Please guys help, i know i’m being a girl here but i am so attached to her that this situation is getting out of my hand. thanks.
Thank you so inspirational, I am 54 3 wonderful kids and 3 amazing grandsons. Been on my own now for years, everyone seems to get on with me. I get told I am so attractive. Yet I feel so lonely and ugly. I am scared to go out now as I have put weight on, and I think no one could love me that I’m not worth it. I have tried dating sites but I never have the courage to speak to anyone. When they speak to me I always feel that they think I’m desperate. Everyone exercises whilst I don’t so they would not want to know me. My friends all say the lovely thing about me is that men drooled over me when I was out anywhere. Yet I never seen that I was always so timid and never felt good enough. I would love to meet someone who would see me for me. I am so low and feel I am just going to wither away and don’t know what to do about it. The relationships I have had, the men seems to treat me like a idiot. I would do anything for them yet they always treat me bad one way or another. I give up on finding Mr right as I really don’t think he is out there. I am a very caring person I work as a carer helping other people. Never stop and think what I would like to do, as I never have so have no idea what I would like to do now. My kids have grown up and have their own life’s and I don’t want them worrying about me, so I put on the fake smile and pretend that I’m ok. I can understand what everyone on here feels like. It would be great if we could all find solutions to this feeling and start to feel happy like most people.
I feel alone everyday scared to talk to ppl cus idk how there going to act wishing i had a gf but to scared to find one because im affraid of getting hurt or used i wish there was a dark hole somewhere i could just go there and stay alone
Hi, I m 22 yr old guy. I hava no friends since childhood. I tried many time to make friends among the classmates and neighbours but I always found that they never like me as friend, I don’t know what is the reason behind this? This is either my shynesss or dullness. Due to such I started envolving myself with TV & net surfing, that converts in watching po*n sites & some bad health destructive habbits. But I never like such things, I just tried involve myself. At present I don’t know, what to do to overcome my loneliness and such bad things?
I have quoted such matters on many sites but reply never came.
So, plz help me.
exactly james…but once u here i love u phrase dis is once again a initial start for lonliness….u wil b happy until u here dat phrase once u start missin it from d one who u r expectin it….den u r back to same mood….its a cycle…wat i think…..wat i think to overcome dis is….1: keep urself busy everytime….2: if u get sum time to tk rest….jst play any outdoor games…3: bcom tierd nd hv a good sleep…….maintain dis cycle…..hope it may help d ppl like us facing all such things……i m nt older as u ppl but stil facing d same problem as u ppl…
Hi,
It most of my life Ive been overweight and even my own mother made fun of me for it. Ive worked hard at a job for 25 years and they went bankrupt. was married and he left me because I couldn’t take care of him anymore the way he was used to, obviously he didn’t love me he was using me. I have 2 kids that are grown now and they do their own thing on the holidays. Mom and I never got along, even when I was a child. Ironically she was dying in a nursing home and begged me to take her home to die. I didn’t have a home anymore because of my job loss I lost my home also. My brother lives in a half million dollar home in Tn. said he would help me and that was a joke. I was told she had 6 months maximum to live and got an apartment, am paying for part of all her medical, oxygen, hospital, ambulance etc… expenses while on ssd myself. Well, it has been 6 years now im in my late 50’s and cant leave the apartment. I have no life anyway, and when I do go out people look at me like Im an alien. somehow I feel like im here as a joke. No friends, no men will even look my way, im in pain all the time and taking care of a woman that I felt hated me even as a child. where do I go from here. Went to therapy and when I talked about It they put me on medication and I had a nervous breakdown. I wish I had a friend to talk to. but a true friend, one that wont tell me Im just a whiner. because Im not. I am a good mother, grandmother and the best friend anyone could ever want. I was even an excellent wife. What have I done to deserve this. Am I the only one feeling like this?
sorry my last name is Blair not blairot.
I too feel lonely. My son is heading off to college today and he is my world. He is only going to be a 1 1/2 away but I’m going to come home to no one. My family is 4 hrs south of here but not really too involved in my life. I know they love me though. We just had went down there to visit for the holiday but I felt like I’m still alone there and don’t really belong just a bother. I am a believer but still it’s hard.
Life has been very tough since I’ve been 13. My mom works 12 hours a day and I have to iron all the clothes and clean the house and cook food. Now I’m 16. My mom had a baby about a year ago so I have three brothers now. It’s been very tough to go to school and come home to take care of my baby bro and not being able to start homework till 9 or 10 at night. I’m exhausted. I don’t have many friends because I am always home. It’s now summer vacation and I feel so isolated from the world. It’s so hard. I can’t remember the last time I was able to have a day to myself and not have to iron or cook or worry about my brothers. I am so stressed that it’s hard to breathe. I hope that this is worth it one day. That what I’m going thru will make me stronger for wat will come. Im just gonna have faith in God.
I’m like u Dalton, 12 years of being tortured, he tried too kill me but it didn’t work, i hope ur fine now, i know ur not though, be happy somehow, I’m trying too, Lord help us all, i love u and everyone on here, I MEAN THAT
I care friend
I l ove u all, we are sad lonely BUT WE ARE SPECIAL AND U ALL KNOW IT
Hey everybody, man i was lonely when i came on here, then i read everyone’s comments, now i feel like ur all my friends and I’m happy with that, love wayne, not straight
This theory about depression and isolation only has so long before psychologists won’t throw it around casually. Self-hatred isn’t the only reason people avoid others. Some people who like themselves just fine have an aversion to social situations. Some people with high “self-esteem” and lots of self-respect are depressed. CBT tends to use one-size-fits-all psychology, and it’s just one more way that the mental health industry dehumanizes people suffering from trauma and mental illness.
Allow me to say I think you’re a very, very brave person to do all that you do, and try to accept the worry and misery that sometimes goes with it. I realize it doesn’t help very much for some stranger to say that, but in my book, COURAGE is one of the most valuable things a person can have–and Lord knows, you have a lot of it.
I have no great thing to offer, but I do hope as time goes on that your life improves in all the ways you want.
Hi Emma,
I understand what you are going through. I know it is hard and life is unfair. Just hang in there. Better days will come. It’s a blessing if you are so responsible and strong at only 16 years old. You should feel so proud that you are helping take care of your family and are a capable person that your mom can rely on. Just don’t lose sight of what’s important for your own future, like doing homework, getting good grades, developing yourself and your talents. You have to take care of yourself, too. If you overcome these challenges, you will be well prepared for the future.
Think of life as a gym, and everything you’re going thru is making you strong.
A lot of teens who grow up with easy lives have no problem getting good grades, etc. But then in the real world, when things get hard, they fall apart and fail. You will not be like that. You will have a tremendous capacity to take care of yourself and others.
While you are cooking and doing chores, maybe you can use that time to help yourself also. For example, you could listen to audio books or helpful stuff on YouTube, or audio lessons, like learning a new language or about art, history or a career you’re interested in. Or even inspirational or funny videos. Whatever you’re into. It may seem pointless if you only have a few minutes at a time, but it does add up, and everything you learn makes you a more interesting person. Try to do it even if you don’t feel like it. It’s a way to make the best of your situation and use it to benefit YOU.
This is the first time I have actually confronted my lonlyness in any shape or form.My only defense has been denial.
I.m a 44 year old male who is now completely alone after years of watching friends ‘move on’ with their lives.Get married have children,enjoy life .While my stagnation became more evident and quite frankly more embarrassing.
It has created in me a profound sadness .This in turn effected my self confidence years ago.
Not being confident is something women can literally sense.So with this comes a circle that is self perpetuating and spirals gently downwards.
I don’t use drugs and don’t play games ,I,m not egocentric or narrccisstic.I can’t stand loud obnoxious people who feel the need to push their opionions down everyone’s throat.So I guess I,ve isolated myself for the last ten years.
The sadness of my life has now taken its toll and I,m finding it very hard to ignore.
I don’t feel anyone owes me anything,I don’t feel sorry for myself-I just feel empty now.
I have felt this way for over 10 years.My only wish is that people here reading all these peoples stories and finding themselves relating should do something about it.Dont deny it..confront and do something about it before you hit your 40,s….wish I did.
Hi! Am 34 this coming oct. Eventhough am married and i have 1 son, am still very lonely and getting depressed every second of the day. Sometimes when i go out to buy groceries, i dont want to go home. My husband has a stable job but all he thinks is his work and when his home he always play games on his android or he always on his laptop. dont get me wrong, am greatful because his a hardworking man. But he just ignore me. when his with his officemate he is always happy and smiling. I always spend my time with my son. I love my son so much but im still lonely and depressed.
… Alina I am completely in the same situation you are in. I moved 3 years ago from my hometown to the US and it was extremely difficult. Making friends here is just not a natural thing to do. I am not sure if it’s me who build high walls, or have high standards… I just think I can’t invest in superficial relationships. I tried so many times to get closer to people in the U.S. but the most people can do is a cup of coffee once every two months… and then never hear from them again. I came to realize that even thought I ran from my problems back home, I didn’t feel this isolated. I had friends I trusted and loved, people who cared about me… my family issues are never ending because of my sexuality, and when I decided to come out hell let lose.. I know leaving was the best thing I ever did… but yet.. why does it feel lonely and isolated…? is the way to the truth that dark? A lot of people tell me it has to come from within.. I honestly can tell you because I started relying on myself .. I thought why do I need people? I have an extreme trust issues… and I need to overcome it.. I don’t believe in therapy.. I just think I need friends and a life that has meaning …
I know exactly what you mean. I have great friends they are like my brothers. In fact as i write this I’ve just came back from chilling with them and a few other close friends… I guess i don’t really have a reason to be lonely, but sometimes i just get lonely.. It’s weird… I feel like i wanna cry.. But its a good cry.. I hope this makes sense :/
This article is full of shit!
I m 23 yrs old. Done graduation n job for one yr. But i always think that i will end up my life only crying. Even when i am popular in my cousins.
In my family my dad was depressed and isolated, he never talked to anyone much. My mom is angry lady,whenever i tried to communicate with her she always ended it up shouting at me. From childhood i heard bad about me so i always try to please people. I have a elder brother who stopped talking to me when i was 6-7 yrs old. We still dont talk, besides living in a same house.
And now i have atmosphere in my home like my brother dont talk to me (said earlier) his wife (sis in law) dont talk to me. I lost dad 2 yrs ago. My mom talks to my brother n sis-in-law. She dont bother about my lunch or dinner. Never ask me for anything. She roams with bpth of them n dont even think to tell me. They come home late in night n never even inform me. No one talks to me in my house. May it sound fake, dramatic,may you dont believe it but its happening with me right now. I am crying like hell but noone cares here…..
I am lonely quite a lot, but I feel that the presence of an animal in my home makes me come alive again..
This evening I was feeling tired and of course tiredness plays havoc with ones mind! My back door was open and suddenly a beautiful cat walked in and ‘meewed’ at me. My soul and being came alive again and my spirits were recharged.
People and ‘friends’ can be very superficial a lot of the time., and there are many good people out there. Unfortunately they are very hard to find!!
What I am trying to say is that, for me, I can relate better to animals than people. The saying ‘a dog is a mans’ best friend’ is I suspect a very true one.
I completely understand. I’m a Stay at Home mom to my 17 month old daughter. My husband works full time and is an excellent provider for our family. I am lonely and depressed and suffer from anxiety. I was diagnosed with a chronic illness in 2009 which does not make things better. I feel like I have lost myself. My husband has an outlet by working and always talks about his colleagues. We’ve known each other since 2009 and have only been out on ONE date. Doesn’t look like it’s gonna get any better. If it weren’t for my daughter, I wouldn’t have any interaction with anyone during the day. I love her and thank GOD for her! She has saved my life many of days.
I’d like to point out the blatant and negative misuse of the word introverted, in the first paragraph.
Hi,well I’m a 44 yr old housewife with 11 children,so how can I be lonely?? Well my husband is a truckdriver of 3 yes and its 4 kids at home,I’m use to us all being together but everyone’s getting married and the son and daughter in laws allllllll seem to be so jealous of how close we are so I back off I want them happy as I was.or am?? I always thought my husband went on road to run from his responsibilities but after a trip on road with him I now believe he’s truley driving to help financially!!how can I have so much luv yet be so lonely.i m also the oldest of 15!!!!I luv being needed and stressed cause no one seems to need me anymore I’m a very strong woman.but I need to learn how to find self and be alone…its hard
Hi well I’m the oldest of 15 with 11 kids a mom grandma and lots of aunts cousins and uncles.I’m still lonely inside.II’ thinks it oneself we gotta be OK with ourselves!!!
I am a 23 year old who for most of my life feels isolated and not wanted. I was rarely ever told the words “I love you” by anyone. Although I was always a competitive student, throughout my secondary education, my teachers and classmates picked on and bullied me. I felt like the object of mockery wherever I turned. Forging friendships was a remote possibility since I could not invite friends over to my house. I went on to college and earned a bachelor’s degree in Health science and was admitted to a master’s program in an IV league university. I did not foresee my inability to obtain a loan and was, therefore, dis-enrolled. My first relationship began at college where I got involved with a lesbian girl. After recognizing her unhealthiness, I forced myself to leave and never contact her again. Ever since the break-up my loneliness and isolation got much more intense. I have been spending years in therapy, but I don’t see an end to my plight. Conversations are a burden, because I feel so distant from the other party, this includes dating. I hope someday soon I’ll find an answer to this perplexity.
I feel you. Me too, left the man i love because of mental, emotional abusive. Unloved and tremendios degregstion day in and out. With hid friends, family and strangerd who told him, he shoild not talk that way about your wife and avoided him.
Since i did not have the courage and strenght to leave him, as every one told me over and over that i deserve better and can do better. My children took me away and desided it is time they take care of their mother. And here i am being loved and care for. Missing him and dont want him at the same time after being with him for 18 yrs.
Almost 2 yrs now. Am lonely, sad depress and yearning to be in the arms of a msn, which have yet to do. I am a beautifull pracefull new city. The part i live it is upscsle. No one around to interact with. I forve my self to go for walk, it is so desolate i feel like what jail inmate say to one going for execution “dead man walking.
Working on self help via internet information.
I stop.talking now too much more negative information, i could talk all day not repeat a word.
I agree.
I wasn’t saying that others do not have loneliness, what am I am trying to express is that loneliness is qualitatively different depending on the person. There is loneliness that is the result of being isolated from other, and there is loneliness which is the result of being separate from the self. This second state is irreparable and cannot be undone by social contact. I posit that this second state is far worse than the former.
Hello to all, I am in my 40’s and have always been competent and independent and intelligent, but even though I am my very own father has betrayed me by petitioning a forced guardianship on me, and this happened in 2011 and I’m still trying to get out of it because it isn’t doing anything for me except making me feel like a piece of you know what, no one can possibly know what I go through morning,noon and night because only we ourselves can walk in our own shoes, my life is being wasted due to an overly protective father but what he fails to realize is that he’s doing more harm to me. that isn’t love at all that’s emotional and verbal abuse. so do I feel isolated and alone yeah I do. so my heart goes out to the others on here. but I am doing everything I can to defend my human rights.
What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness oof valuable knowledge on the topic of unexpected feelings.
Great article.
Hi Taylor I’m exactly like u
I enjoyed this article very much but more importantly the responses here. I got through most of them but not all. Some from young people and not so young.
I agree with what Joe said (earlier this year 🙂 And very well said it was. Imho, our modern western society seems to go out of its way to be non-enriching for the human experience. As a matter of fact it ignores it all together except for indoctrinating children at school.
I’m not an introvert. I don’t have major issues. Been divorced for almost 15 years. That’s when the rug was pulled out. It took a while then I was okay being alone for quite a few years but now it’s getting to me. That’s a first. There were a few relationships after that but nothing like a marrige… However…
The world is drastically different now isn’t it, and I think that is the whole problem. It’s way more than just “us” questioning ourselves and our worthiness. I know I have something to offer.
. I love hanging out with good people. I love being in a good relationship. Yet I’ve had to back away from most for the sake of my sanity. People are crazy and shallow. People are busy, which is totally fine, I used to be that way too!
I’m still busy because I work lol so I don’t have a lot of time either, ironically.
Whatcha gonna do. I take my comfort in nature and my pets. I’m fortunate enough to have a home with a little yard and wildlife. Good friends too but they have their own lives. The world has almost no opportunities for like minded people who don’t fit into the Walmart mold, esp. when one is not young anymore and has no children.
I study the Tao to get wonderful perspective, yet alas I stilll yearn to share life with someone. Doesn’t have to be all the time. Just now and then.
Thank you, much love and luck to all the posters here 🙂
Hi Sandy,
I am reading your article and I am smiling alone, because that is axactly how I feel. I also have tendency of thinking that some od my friends are discussing about me and they just pretend to like me by fake smiles. It makes me uncinfortabke around people. I don’t really like going out, it’s a big challenge for me to go out join friends.
Hi,
I feel alone most of the time, but with a lot of people it’s just feeling alone not being alone. I have been a loner for most of my 17 year old life, mainly because of how shy i am. I act awkward whenever i have to talk to someone, even if its simple talking, and to me that’s what puts people off getting to know me. I have two sisters and a mum, my dad and the rest of my family on both sides doesn’t bother with us, so i have been ”rejected” from a young age. I don’t have any friends either and didn’t bother going to college after school so i’m really depressed and failed my Gcses’s , but i’m trying to get in for this year (thank goodness). I’m really negative, it has gotten worse over the past 2 years i’d say, due to being deliberately socially isolated at school by people and by criticizing myself and severe bullying that was going on since being 8-9 years old. I know why i was bullied-because i’m different, shy, sensitive and over the years, anxious, intimidated, angry. I also am too nice to people to pretended to be my friend because i didn’t want everyone against me, but that never worked in their eyes. I still can’t get over being bullied, even now as it’s not been that long since i have been harrassed constantly in the street, i feel really low like someone’s buried me six-feet under and can’t get up, i feel angry towards everyone and i’m driving my family insane and they hate me. I cannot sleep at night because i have no one to talk to, nothing to do all day. I have a best friend but she moved away 3 years ago, and have only seen her twice since. I talk to her rarely (once a week) because she’s busy with college. I have been told by various people that i have ”low-self esteem” which i know, it’s worse than that, it’s severe loneliness and depression. I have been to school counselling but they are no good, and do not help at all, i’ve been to the doctors but only got told i had ”anxiety” which is caused by stress and depression and been transferred to CAMHS but i have to catch a bus, and couldn’t get there, so now i’m stuck. I have tried changing my life-style, trying to be ”positive” by volunteering, finding jobs etc, but i end up giving up on jobs because i have been turned down after giving 2 interviews at the same place, which i’m thinking it’s me, because i’m negative and they can see through me or some other bizarre reason. I even tried dance for a couple of months but ended up giving it up because i only had one friend there, and was convinced no one wanted me there. I suffered from an eating disorder after being bullied for being a little ”over-weight” 6 years ago and to be honest, i don’t even think it’s totally gone because i had no support, or counselling. Also, my family doesn’t want to me to go and get help for my low-self esteem, anxiety and depression because they are convinced i’m ”showing them up” or ”embarrassing them” which it’s all confidential. No one seem’s to care about me (not in the attention-seeking way) in reality, no one has, so i don’t either, it’s really sad to be honest. Please can someone get back to me on this site, because i want a solution…
It feels a little better knowing that i’m not alone…i am always wondering and asking myself, why am I lonely and alone? what have I done wrong? What have I said wrong? Where are my mistakes? How to correct them? I reached out, but it seems that all of my friendships fell out.. it is tiring always reachingout for something that will fail anyway..
I have been alone and lonely for more than 10 years, and its tiring to reach out to someone or so-called friends..These days, there are no friends like we used to have when we’re 12. No one is genuine enough.. Everyone is waiting for you to make a mistake, then laugh and gossip about you. i wonder if i’m over sensitive in people’s words/actions…. i keep evaluating myself, but always end up alone… nothing has changed.
OMG……I feel the same way. It is horrible……and I feel like i have painted myself into a corner. What can we do. It feels like I am slowly dying……………………..
You may have found this unhelpful, that is fine, but to outright say that it is “shit”, as you so eloquently put it is a tad unfair. Many others have said that it is helpful, and that is fine, if you disagree with what was said, maybe you could bring up some points, and use them to discuss instead of being so negative?
Just an idea
Amber,
You should seek counseling. Your family’s approval is not necessary if they are not supportive. Perhaps your Mom or Dad would accompany you later.
Best Wishes,
Kris
Hi, I’m 25 and I totally relate to everything you just said – like almost too much. I get very jealous of others too, even just random happy people I see, groups of friends, couples, you name it. Iv lost all my friends and I sm so insecure and lonely it’s driving me insane. I am attractive, but feel undesirable still. I fear that I’ll still be like this in my 30s :(( hopefully not. This is really quite the rut to be in.
I feel alone. I moved from Asia to US 2 years ago due to marriage but my husband’s not with me as he is working in the military and is currently deployed. We have limited communication while on he’s on deployment. My parents and relatives are in Asia. My current work is work from home though the internet. I feel far from my friends, reaching to a point that it has been a chore/drag to make the first move to communicate always and the sincerity/genuineness has been lost. I have a few friends here in the US but not the close friends I could continuously hang out with. I’m not sure if there’s something wrong about me.
SAME HERE AND IT KILLS ME DAILY. NO
FRIENDS NOR FAMILY AND VERY VERY DEPRESSED. VERY. BEING SO DEPRESSED SO ALONE IS PERFECT RECIPE FOR BAD OUTCOME…ENDING LIFE.
Dear Anonymous, We read your comments (some not published here) and are concerned about the feelings you expressed. We are concerned for your safety and would like to offer help. Reaching out, as you did, is an important first step. Although PsychAlive does not provide therapy, treatment or advice, we want you to know that help is available. If you live in the United States, the trained counselors at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline are available 24/7 by calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The call is free and confidential. We hope that you remain safe and continue to reach out. Please do not do anything to hurt yourself. You can visit the Lifeline or chat online with them here: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
If you live outside the USA you can email [email protected] for online help.
this days i believe to be alone more safe , and more peace and less trouble and more focus .
i wish if i can sait and read a book with peace
i wish if i drink one cup of coffee in peace .
i wish if i am in room listen to bob marley without some one tell me make it slow
i dont know in my environment (may be i am not Lucky ) is jus another problem to know some one
zack from Malaysia
While reading this article, I felt like I was reading myself. I am a housewife and in a foreign land. I know that I will have company if I just go out and see my neighbours, but I feel shy and awkward. I have not made a friend in a year and cry by myself when I feel too lonely. I now recognize the civ mentioned in the article. Still that voice is telling me that I may not have enough strength to overcome it…
John i have felted that way my whole life and i am 46 now and still feel that way. but now i feel that my life is over because my children are grown and i am alone not married and nothing that i thought i was going to have from life and that i dreamed of has ever happened other than my kids but at the same time i never gave a minute thought to that they would grow up one day and leave me too. all i ever wanted was to be happy at least some part of my life. i am sorry i really dont know how to say want i am trying to say other than i am empty and lost. afraid of what life ahead has waiting for me. i used to write down everyday my feelings and what i done that day in hope that one day it might help others cause i felted like there wasnt anyone else who had a mind like mine, but one day my therpist told me to burn it and it would help me now this was like ten years of writing but i did and guess what it didnt help to be honest it really made me sadder that i got rid of all of that cause i hoped that a scienist would read it and it might help some one some day because i am the type that loves to help other and forget about myself. sorry to take up your time to those who read this cause i know it sounds crazy.
Wow. Ain’t that the truth!
well you didn’t sound crazy to me joyce
I have read so many articles on websites..But still i cannot stop feeling unloved… its horrible to be lonely and when there’s no1 you could say how u feel as you know deep inside that they wont understand..
I’m so glad I found somebody who could explain the way I feel everyday the way you did. I understand what you’re going through and I hope things are gonna get better for you eventually. I know it’s bullshit because stuff never ends up well and fairytales are fucking stupid and unreal but I do hope that you find a job, friends and someone who’s gonna cheer you up when you’re feeling down. As for me, i’m still unemployed, single and socially awkward.
Hey Sandy,
I don’t know how old your son is, but since I’m 17 and still pretty young for some people, I feel like I could maybe help you with your son who- I’m pretty sure- feels the same way as I, and others, feel everyday. I don’t think that there’s a permanent solution for chronic loneliness, or, at least, haven’t found one yet. But I can tell you this: we just wanna feel a little less scared than we already are and even though that’s hard to do, I think you just gotta push your son to get out of his confort zone by going places with friends or even just alone, just so that he doesn’t end up not wanting to leave his bed anymore. But most importantly, he just wants to express his feelings by talking to someone- anyone- or writing down how he feels. Please jst let him know how you feel about him and find him something that can make him forget about his bad thoughts. I’m here for you.
I feel lonely and isolated also. Don’t know why i do I got great friends and family, good job and 3 beautiful kids. I love my wife and kids but i always find myself feeling like i don’t want to be around anybody I avoid going to gatherings if possible. I recently quit drinking because i felt it was hurting my family and yet i still feel the same. today i decided to look online and see whats wrong with me and stumbled onto this article which in a way made me feel better just to know i am not the only one that feels this way.
i would be interested to know…how are things with you now? assuming its more than a year now, things would have worked out one way or other
Wow. I just came here for the liuttle advice bit, but ended up reading most of the replies from readers.
I am now crying, both sad and happy that I am not alone in this gnawing, almost ever-present feeling.
I am 26 ysef and at a time where many of my friends have settled with partners or married. I’m single and also the only one of my colleagues who is single… It is not that I do not have friends, but other than say in collega, you have to arrange meetings with friends and I see less of them. I find it hard to date or meet new friends, and also I like y own company, but lately, and I guess because autumn is here… I’m so down. Down enough to friggin google ‘ho to stop feeling alone in the world’ lol. If only people knew. But we are ashamed of feeling alone. So we hide it.
Is there a good forum or place for people like us to talk? …maybe I’ll google that next. Take care everyone here. No matter what you think, you are NOT alone 😉
information*
I am an introvert and throughout these many years learned to live on my own. I love it and go to places till later it’s so cold and I don’t know I haven’t slept today and I’m feeling isolated and cold. I don’t know if I’m in need of friends or boys in my life. Men and women here are unreliable and I don’t often trust as many of you said here it’s hard to trust someone.
And just be friendly.
It’s just a world of you living or work and be friends with co workers but I don’t have a job, the ideal job for me to talk to my co workers.
I’m so isolated and lonely but it’s not because I am but I’m longing for the same people like me.
Hi, I even dont know why Im putting this comment right now, Im a guy, 28 years old, feeling terribly isolated all my life, i had girlfrind , i had sex , but each year i feel Im more hated and more separated from society, All i do everyday is just working out and making music … Poof I dont know how to enjoy life, life is so dark for me , is it gonna be like this ever?
I tried to find new girlfriend but they reject me and cant handle rejection , Im not like other guyz, all day long my phone dont ring at all …
Ever since I was a young girl I was very shy .
I am now 53 years old and feel more alone than ever.
My daughter is grown & gone I am single & all my friends are married . I just feel like I am going through the motions of life working & going home to an empty house night after night . I feel as though I am stuck like I can’t get out of this rut I’m in when you are shy it is very hard to propel yourself out into a social life . Also when I do something social I find myself at people can be so rude or inconsiderate or just talk only about themselves that I don’t even want to try any more . I would love to meet a new man or possibly get remarried but just am too shy and don’t have the drive like I used to in order to even try . My sisters & I don’t have a relationship anymore and that weighs very heavy on me every single day . I haven’t seen them in years .
I didn’t think life could become this sad and lonely . My worst fear came true I always said I didn’t want to end up being single & living alone the rest of my life but like my mom but here I am.
Dear Wendy
It is so hard . I have gone through the same thing .
Life can get harder & lonelier . Being single when your kid leaves the nest is just torture nothing can prepare you for it . I am trying to keep busy but living by yourself especially when all my friends are married is so difficult . I hope things will get better .
John I know exactly how you feel everyone that I know says that I’m funny smart and likeable but I don’t feel like any of those I feel like I’m alone and like no one loves me I’m to afraid to ask this girl out because I feel like I’m not good enough for her so I haven’t asked but I’ve liked her for 3 years and still can’t talk to her without joking and being immature
Thanks, Trace. I wanted to “say” that, but bit my lip instead. I keep reading blogs and articles on loneliness in which people go into these heart-rending descriptions of how they’re isolated, lonely, sad… And I empathize with everything they describe, like I did with the poster above whom we’re discussing who was detailing how lonely he feels at home at night. But then the commenters go on to lament that they can find the right kind of company–someone who’s attractive enough, or wealthy enough, or well-connected socially enough, or has the right kind of job, or is cool enough. So we’re lonely, but we’re willing to exclude very many people who might alleviate our loneliness because … they’re not good enough to be our companions. If that’s how we feel about other people, maybe we should be lonely.
For the record, I’d be happy to be friends with anyone, so long as the person doesn’t attack me and is sincerely interested in developing a friendship. I’m willing to learn about others’ interests, and am happy to work with people to explore how/where they’d be comfortable finding commonality. But that’s an issue of another sort.
Sorry, in the above I meant to say people lament that they CAN’T find the quality of humans they’re seeking as companions.
Hi, so im 16 years old and im in a long distance relationship for 11 months now. but lately hes been so busy and he barely spend any time with me. hes changed and hes constantly telling me im a bad girlfriend because i have trust issues because a relationship i had awhile ago where my best friend and my boyfriend of 2 years were talking and he cheated on me with her. now my best friend has a boyfriend and spend no time with me because they’re always togther. my parents are split up so i barely see them because i live with my grandparents. i used to try and tell my parents how i feel but they dont understand and i cant talk to my grandma because i dont feel comfortable enough. i feel so alone and its really starting kill me, and me and my boyfriend fight a lot, but i cant leave him because i really do love him and it would just make me more depressed and when were not fighting, its good and we usually have a good time but we fight mst of the time and he says the most hurtful things to me and im starting to get really tired of. i try to tell him how i feel and he says hes sorry and he love me and stuff like that but literally hes there the next day doing the same exact thing. I go to counciling but that doesnt seem to work because im not comfortable enough to talk to her and tell her my feelings because im very shy, and i find it hard to talk to people im not comfortable with. i feel very alone and im also very depressed and sad all the time and i need someone to talk to but i have no one.
But it doesn’t help with the overwhelming sensation of being isolated and alone from the rest of the world.
Dear Girl121212…
I am the mom of a 15 yr old girl who is also having a tough time with the crap that happens as a teen. I am not able to get through to her quite yet, since I upset her not too long ago. Kind of like strangers in the same house right now, but I make sure she knows I love her and have her happiness at the center of my being, no matter how much she may feel she wants to hurt my feelings. I am now letting her cool down some… Regardless, I am hoping that you have been working on yourself more than worrying about a long distance relationship with a guy who seems to be hurting you more than trying to ease your insecurities and give you a “safe place”. And it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders to see that things are “off”. As a runaway from many years ago, I have had extreme trust issues from the age of 15 to now (due to a couple of guys throughout my teenage years whom I thought were the love of my life at the time I dated them) – and I am in my early 40s now. Trusting anyone can be difficult, but please try to get yourself on track for all the wonderful things life can offer. For example… I am (mostly happily) married for over 20 years now and have two kids that are stronger than they can imagine (and also have big hearts). I have made a living at the same job for over 20 years as well (after high school plus additional schooling were completed), with the satisfaction of having been able to provide a great example to my kids about the rewards of hard work. I have been so blessed. Therapy is a great place to start by giving you the tools you need to cope and work through any bad thoughts, even if it takes some time for you to trust someone. If the current therapist is not working for you, please consider asking your grandparents to help you find someone you would be comfortable with. It’s very hard to get past cheating and lies from others you were close with. But, please keep trying to find a better, more constructive way to get your feelings out. All good things tend to require some hard work. Kinda like not being able to grow a beautiful garden without throwing some fertilizer on it and picking out the weeds. Life is about choices and the choices you make can change the course of your being. Don’t ever think there isn’t help or someone to listen and try to relate to what you have been through. You must remember that you are as strong as you tell yourself. Blessings to you and your family.
I do not think I am unlikeable at all! Surely there are other reasons for loneliness?
My CIV does not tell me I am unloveable or unlikeable. It tends to focus on my performance at work (you could have done that better etc.) but I believe strongly that I am a likeable person.
The reason I feel lonely is more because I feel like I’m an alien – or perhaps all the others are aliens – in that I feel like I come from a different species. I get on with people fine. I’m not a sociable person but I can put it on when I need to. I have a lot of friends but I do not see much of them as I lack motivation to do so. I feel alone more because I feel that no one will really be able to relate to me, but I do not feel bad about myself whatsoever. There is nothing wrong with me.
My story is like that bit i realy will fell alone even though i have friends but not Many but this things make me feel alone
I can uderstand what our feelings is because we are same
We have same thing in common people and my friend will avoiding me its make me realy sad
Maybe we should create whatsapp group because we are same we can be here for us
It’s comforting to see other people going through the same thing. I was just crying and now I feel a bit better ?
i know that hurt
The irony is that when I was at my best it was people like the author of this article and many others with a similar mindset that were terrified of a happy individual with self-esteem (that took 18 years to achieve); and thus began to attempt to dismantle and or destroy my efforts at every turn both directly and indirectly.
The reason why we feel isolated and alone is because we are living in a society that is cut off from the true nature of reality — and it is so-called professionals or psychologists etc. that claim a ‘divine’ or all-knowing status and thus dictate to people what they [the ‘professionals’] have collectively agreed reality is (hence the lack of true healing in society; this preserves the old order — new therapies, same order, no true results).
The fact is that the nature of the system we live in keeps people feeling separate by default and thus is a breeding ground for isolation and despair. Technology (systemically dependent) , rigid mainstream belief systems. and mass ignorance are not an enemy of the psychiatric establishment rather they are the means in which they keep their positions of power and control over the individual.
Once someone recognizes (experiences) that the label of mental illness is a farce, that the laws of nature or God (whatever the philosophy); that natural law trumps aristocratic, contrived, dogmatic law, he/she instantly is on the road to full healing and interconnection. The answers lie within each of us.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
Ditto
I feel very lonely and empty as if something is definitely missing in me. I’m married 36 years, I have two married son’s, two grandson’s, two dogs, friends but I will admit they are hard to get together with, without arrangements. I have 4 siblings I am the youngest of the 5 of us.
I was very bullied in school for 2 years when our family moved to a new area. I have managed to remain friends with two people from those times. But I can go for day’s without hearing from anyone. Yes, my husband is sitting in the same house, but it’s just not the same thing. I get depressed, sad and lonely. As if I don’t matter. I feel very isolated from enjoyment and laughter. It’s very heart breaking. And I have never been one of those people to feel sorry for myself. So, it’s upsetting me also.
Can i get who wrote this article and the year it was posted
This article was written by Carolyn Firestone and posted in 2009.
So many of the comments here resonate with how I am feeling. I also felt the best when I was truly myself. I was a very social, excitable person who enjoyed being around many people. Suddenly it seemed that people were withdrawing from me. A close friend said that everyone is very busy but i think it is more. I moved away from my family and friends to where my husband lived and where we currently live. My husband’s family is large but getting the together is a chore – not for me as I love to plan events but for them. They always say “haven’t we seen enough of each other” – this in response to trying to get together after the last event that would have been 2 months prior! I don’t understand this. Also, to Rose’s point, I am also in the house with my husband who is there, but not really there. I am not complaining but feeling very lonely.
Yes agree with u. Sometimes I think I can get a help or can help myself, but it’s nowhere.
There are so many people living in social isolation – millions in the U.S. Would you sign up to help another, who has the same problem? And, in doing so, help yourself on the road to revitalizing your social contact? Check out [LessAlone.org]. Membership is free, and members are nearly anonymous to each other – but when paired, they both help each other. And we’d like your feedback regarding our program, too, using the contact form at the bottom of the homepage.
JOE*, Thank YOU! you’ve made me smile. I don’t do that very often, lately. I’ll pray I can meet your challenge, to get out, meet others like you did. I used to do this, with that intention. And then, started wallowing in my own after such isolation. But I remember being this way, you’re so right. Helping others, did indeed make the day completed. The great commission. Thank you!!
I am used to this feeling, it is very hard to make it over a bit. real me did not like drugs, my feelings did….
so so so no jobs in my home town, & haters of peoples.
nice article
“…we should take that as a warning sign that we are turned against ourselves in some basic way.” This sounds like it’s our fault. Sometimes isolation is not voluntary. There’s already enough self blame.
I’ve always feel like I make wrong choices… I try socializing, but I also feel I never do it right! I hurt my friends feelings by rejecting a gift! I’m so sick twisted inside I need help. My other friends ignoring me probably because of my one horrible mistake! I just feel lost and tangled inside. I’ve waited too long to apologize, and it seems it cost me my friends… However I also think… Were they even my friends in th fist place!? They didn’t text me, and every time I try to talk.. I feel like an outcast. Please please…. Help. I’m stuck in this stupid self pity! I just want her to be okay! Yes I know she doesn’t have to talk to me or even forgive me, but I feel so alone. When I think of my past relationships… I feel like I’m always last one to pick. Was I putting effort I into my own relationships? Sure, I wanted to hang out with them, but I feel like I be the same there as well as back in school.
I jst need a friend to make me happy always
When I was 3yr old, my dad took me away from my mom actually the case was taken to court and I went with my mom as innocent as I was and that day in the court room, the judge ruled in favor of my dad. I was taken from my mom immediately and was sent to leave with my grandparents whom I’ve never met until that day. I leaved with them till I was 5yr old and was brought back from the village to the city by then I couldn’t speak English anymore apart from our local dialect.
I passed from one step mother to the other and as I grew my dad’s loving attitude changed towards me, sometimes he would call me a prostitute other times he would throw me out of his house but I’ll plead with him or call someone who can for me.
As I got to my final year in high school, I was abused by my dads friend and my mom had come to school to also call me a prostitute because my step mom made everyone believe I was sleeping around and my mom fell for that. But since then my teachers all started looking at me differently and my name was cancelled from the price list that year as the best student, I didn’t cry for the price I lost but cried because my comfort zone is no longer my comfort zone its been destroyed by my own mother, she wasn’t leaving with us I expected her to trust me but clearly she didn’t those were things that killed me inside but I could share with anybody.
Many times, I tried to proof to my dad, my mom, my sisters and even my brothers that am not a prostitute and will never turn out to be one but failed because nothing I did was ever enough, I was constantly been compared to my other sister’s and no matter how much I try to talk to them, they never listen to me.
I grew tired one day and decided to leave home at the age of 21yr then and by this time I was now leaving with my mom and running a diploma course in law but my sister refused and hid my things .my mom even fought me together with my sister and when I succeeded in taking my things from her although she took my money I didn’t care I just wanted to be gone far away from them and have my peace of mind.
Today after four years of that incident I still feel hurt for what my mom did and I never felt like I belong in that family, whenever am around them all I feel is tensed and out of place and sometimes I get depressed added to the fact now that I have a little baby girl who happens to be autistic all I feel is God doesn’t care about me and hapiness is just an illusion for me.
Brilliant article thanks SO much ,this is the way I have felt on and off for years though usually when out in public I am better and more social than I give myself credit for so few understand my secret pain.
What you described above helped perfectly destroy my last relationship and lose the love of my life at 52 years old.Now I am happier about most aspects of life except losing her not sure I will ever recover.
Thank you so much for this article. I’m in the military and have felt like this for 3-4 years. All my friends say shake it but they don’t understand. I feel abandoned and useless
If you look up dr sebi electric food list on his site…Imaybe you can try to change your eating habits and get some suppoements that may help. I posted this for everybody with your issue to at least give it a try. I wish you and everyone else well.
I think loneliness and depression must be one of the same. I am completely alone, and, lonely. It’s a ‘long’ story, everyone as heard that before, I know so I’ll save you by cutting it short. Anyway, I have found myself 62 now, and live alone in my own flat in this village that I moved to 7 years ago. I came from a family of 2 other brother’s and 2 sisters. One brother died about 25 years ago, the other is somewhere in New-Zealand, and my sisters are in Hampshire Uk and Australia, I think so anyway? I haven’t spoken to them now for 20 years since my parents died, around that time ago. I never married, or had children and have had quite a few relationships over the years, and, jobs. I was extremely close to my father, for some reason, went everywhere with him, and when he died when I was 40, it’s as if I had just lost all purpose in life. Fast forward, I’m now living as a recluse, just listening to classical music which I love, pass by people when I’m out shopping for instance like a ship in the night, don’t even want to say ‘hi’ and just have very little motivation to do anything. The strange thing is I don’t beat myself up by believing that I’m strange for instance, or incapable, or lacking in confidence, in fact, I think I have developed a kind of social phobia ‘but’ adversely, I’m as lonely as hell, depressed and can’t raise any effort or motivation to do anything about it.
I am lonely isolated and depressed. Four months ago I was positive up beat person going on day trips, reading, and enjoying life. I was with a partner for 9 years and we went our separate ways. I know if i were to text him we could talk but i don’t want anyone to see me like this. I should be grateful that my family hasn’t thrown in the towel. I honestly feel that none of this is real and I have no grounding to reality. I look back at pictures from a couple of months ago and I don’t believe that is real. Its like I can’t or wont remember what it was like before this. I see a counselor who I meet with every week and am on medication for depression. I have people that want to connect with me and want to see me and be around me. When i am with them I don’t talk I listen to them and at work I do not talk. I want to be better I feel lost and not able to focus on today with out these thought getting in my way. The more I look inward the worse I feel and the more I look outward the stranger the world feels to me like the conversations that are going on around me are in a different langue. I think and feel like this a good portion of the day. I mentally beat myself up I feel that I have no value to this world and don’t know how to take charge again.
same er i feel the same way just have to make my own fun somehow sometimes i dont know what to do with myself wasa1634
Was feeling exceptionally lonely and found this…not alone in my angst, the world is full of lonely people especially in today’s world.
What triggered this feeling which I have come to have alot…
I’m in my 50s and am finding that I, as a person, am not seen as truly significant by the few men I’ve met. Evidently I look young for my age and attractive…just seen as a younger looking woman on these men arms.
One is addicted to golf and has no spiritual leanings. I invited him to service on the unity of humanity, and he can’t go because he plays golf on Sundays. I have never asked this before, it’s not like I’m asking him to spend every waking moment at church.
Guess I’ll go by myself. it should be a wonderful service. And who knows, I may meet someone who views life similarly to mine.
Hannah
Helo all..
I am men. I am 33 years old. I am my life is no good . No happens . I like a meet a one people .with my all life me and you living . I heve been notmamy. Dady.. me only. My life is hhelp us a not a king.. i like nomaly life.. please joint me you or your family member . God bells ..
This is a great article and I can relate to a lot of the info here. I have been struggling with personal issues for 10 years and have found reaching out online to seek the advice of others has helped me through the good and bad time. I have always had relationship issues and have started to follow the advice of Dr. Robi Ludwig. I saw her on a tv show once and I really appreciated her take on current psychological issues. She has written two books but my favorite book is “Your Best Age is Now” I have read it and loved it! I highly recommend it to anyone out there struggling. Here is a link to her book: https://www.amazon.com/Robi-Ludwig/e/B001HD07NE
I know what you mean, I feel alone and I used to be very attractive but now I am ugly, I can’t even look at myself in the mirrow
People who become lonely just want to talk to someone. I have felt lonely for some other reasons like when I play by myself, I want to play with someone.
What A meant was that by occupying ourselves fully and devoting all our energies to our hobbies, we would think and feel less about being alone. This will distract us from focusing on our Negative Inner Critic. Instead we would be so engrossed that we would be in a state of flow that time will pass by so fast without us noticing it.
We are the same. I feel even bad for the ppl that hang on at my side , deep on me I know they will go someday.
dont wry be happy…this world is not permanant..we can not trust about life it will disapear within seconds..always do good things..help to others then your lonliness will gradually decreasing…
I have been struggling with personal issues for 10 years and have found reaching out online to seek the advice of others has helped me through the good and bad time.
Well for many of you men and women out there that were Very Blessed to find one another and are still Married today with your family which you should Consider yourselves Very Lucky to still be together since many of us Aren’t so Lucky at all unfortunately. And there are many of us Good men out there which i am sure many of you will certainly agree with me that we Would’ve wanted that as well. The times today really Sucks when it comes to finding love. No wonder why married men will always live much longer than Single men.
I like your thinking!
Well said. I feel very much the same way, i keep hoping i will find people like you have discribed. All the best.
This article is quit generous BT not fully satisfying, as just by interacting people online wouldn’t, solve this problem of mine since I m a teenaged colledge girl facing this kind of frustration while roaming around the campus , going across friends groups …… I behaive luk I m a soul whom is unseen to everyone .. Still I m very friendly n talkative onl9…..hw to ride of this isolation n sadness aroun my day to day lyf.
I feel completely isolated and alone,I’ve read some articles before they tell me to be more outgoing, to keep the deep people that care for me closed, or to talk to someone close about how you feel. My point is that that’s trash I try to be friendly with everyone by in the end they don’t care, I was nice to my bestfriends and they end up turning their back on me, and I feel that every time i try to talk to someone they dont want to be around me is like if the world isolates me as if I were some sort of criminal or monster for no reason.
Thanks to technology, you can connect with more people—and do so more conveniently—than at any other time in history. Still, the relationships might seem rather shallow. It’s also difficult to find people now a days who are honest and truly have interest in helping others. Nevertheless, we can find true friends there is a really nice article in the Awake Magazine, “Attitude Makes a Difference” and the article is called, ” How to make Real Friends”. It gave many nice tips as to what to look for in a person. It’s not easy and like you said sometimes we feel that we make the effort but are not accepted, so maybe we have to try looking for people who have certain qualities.
Hey there! It’s normal to feel lonely and even fear loosing people at times. But maybe this fear doesn’t let us love life’s to fullest I guess. Just let go of your fears! Take care 🙂
That’s a great article!
I am surprised by the way life changes or maybe we change it ourselves? I am really extrovert, motivated and alive. But then there are times I just feel lonely and each passing second kills me. So I am 20 year old girl. I started knowing myself since high school, like morals, purpose of life, the real me and things. I have a small family but I don’t feel it at times. I don’t feel the love of mother coz when I grew up my mother was just not she. Then the brothers and dad and the society the way they see a female as inferior is worse. I wonder what life is? I love art, literature, psychology, partying, gyming, adventure. But as of now I have lost interest in things I love. I am scared even of love or a soulmate to say, I see people around having fake relations. I oversleep like whole is just wasted. My day is short for about 8 hours only. I took break from studies, gym,art. I wish I had friends to open up. But I don’t confide, they wil make fun for my inner sense. I promise myself il b better, I won’t let loneliness kill me but whole day I am jus doing nothing, stuck at home thinking nothing. When I see my friends or talk to people I am really fine. But then I also get sick around people at times and stay away for a “me” time. Thinking about relations it scares me about the future. I wonder whether I should stay single throughout or need a partner in life. But again I don’t know what futures gonna be. All I kno is I really feel alone. I wish I could talk to people who have seen life much better than I have. But no one wills to share theirs experiences or lessons. All I wanna say is maybe the loneliness will pass away, we shouldn’t surrender to it. And we can b what we want, so just accept and be happy, don’t expect. I would like to hear if anyone wants to tell me more about their life. Take care and stay happy! 🙂
Hey! You are a strong girl. And you til a great step of moving out I feel. I feel the same, but don’t be upset. Live life to your own expectations. You will surely find people who will love uoy and cherish you. Let your past and worries go away. There’s no point in feeling sad about family coz it just hurts and keeps us away from happiness and the present. So live life to the fullest! An love yourself ☺️
Hi Flo and entire readers. I’m lonely too. I worked away my time with my kids because it was mandatory to work all holidays. I think they may have forgotten me or that I’m so tough I’ll be OK. That’s not the case now. I’m disable and on low income and can barely help myself. As my health progresses I intend to mingle more. Be in the mix of things! Flo if you have questions just let me know dear. Best wishes to all!
One of the most alarming things about loneliness, depression, and the “mental health” system in the US is that professionals and article writers seem either not to read the comments in their articles’ comment sections, or if they do, not to realize both the similarity among commenters’ shared experiences and the remarkable homology among many different articles’ comment sections. The professionals have their perspectives of these painful psychosocial phenomena–what causes them & how to treat them–but the many thousands of responders/commenters over the decades these articles have been up have been sharing critical details about how loneliness and depression evolve, vital experiences with the mental health system, and the persistence of critical states, despite professional treatment. Yet it doesn’t appear the professionals are paying enough or the right attention. And that is part of the reason behind the US government’s April 2016 results of a large federally funded study that shows the US is experiencing a 30-year high in suicide rates. Obviously, “mental health” is often simply not working. Why? Clues to the answers likely lie in these remarkably similar comments (over many, many articles and over many, many years).
I want a friend like you, Joe. I have copied your post and will re-read it from time to time. The world is a very lonely place. I am finding it to be more lonely as I get older. I have one grown child and she is my only family. I am single and will most likely have to work well into my golden years, God willing. But I crave to live and not merely exist. Now I feel I am simply existing. This, to me, is tragic. After reading your post, I am beginning to realize I don’t have to travel and see the world to “live”. I can live in my back yard looking at the stars, or sitting on my sofa reading a novel. And that’s a good thing because it doesn’t cost as much as traveling. Yes, just one friend like you, Joe, would be one of life’s biggest blessings.
Well for a good single man like me that really wanted to get married and have a family which i can certainly BLAME the kind of women that we now have out there these days since they have really CHANGED over the years compared to the Past which many of them definitely would’ve been marriage material which today you can forget about it for many of us good men that are still looking and hoping since i know other friends of mine going through the very same thing right now as well. Many of us AREN’T SINGLE BY CHOICE at all which is sad that we have to deal with this since so many others were very BLESSED to be with one another since it does really TAKE TWO TO TANGO.
That’s good the I’ll do that next time. P.s. r u single?
I like shopping but don’t need anything from there. Just lonely…
I actually had the same thing a couple of days ago, was at a bar with a friend and when I walked home I almost immediately started crying… felt displaced and alone, even though I was with people I like.. The good cry makes sense to me, I don’t really alow myself to cry very often but I do feel better when I do. It’s hard to accept feeling alone when I do. I feel I don’t have the right to feel this way, but I do quite often…
I like your questionmark at the end ^^ don’t know if it was on purpose, but the thing with crying is that it is a relief, but the problems don’t disappear from it. I always have troubles with crying because it makes me feel weak…
This is such a sweet remark James! brought tears to my eyes….
Hi,I have more talent in cricket and other sports but I have no support and money,I have other talent in any work,I am Ms student. But this time I am very upset for what do I do.please any person help me,I can make a big cricketer, please help me for my talent,I will make after I will do your help, trust me please
I am very alone I don’t know?It hurts me from inside and I am really very upset.I don’t know wat to do?don’t feel like I am for did world.I use to cry daily n no 1 is there for me to stop.once I had friends but now nobody is there.what to do?
I read all of you ane seems u r like me?
Hi Alina
I thought that finding a mate would help me but your post has given me second thoughts?
Wish you luck
Mike
may I know who is the author?
The author is Carolyn Joyce.
Hey all
I have no friends on my own a lot sad pain ppl around me judge me all time I suffer bad anxiety
i think i will feel less unhappy with myself if i write it down. since yesterday my roommate which i shared room with told her mom that she will rent her own room soon make my heart sink. just having companion by my side make me secured and when i think that i should spend weekend alone makes me unhappy. she is not my friend and i am not good with speaking myself out . i really wanna say i am happy being with you and thank you . i cant tell her to stay with me as she has her won work to do and one day we all have to learn staying by ourselves. i know its not big deal but still it makes me sad and pain in chest and already worrying about future. she is thinking out moving out after 4 months but here i am already in the sinking sand panicing.
I see loneliness as being part of our human condition, just as being geared towards negativity is. They are things we will always struggle with, so long as we are in this world. I believe a lot of our loneliness come from our own human suffering, misunderstandings with loved ones, our lack of meaning and purpose in life, our being spiritually cut off from ourselves, each other, and our higher power. What we deeply lack is connection and authenticity, with ourselves, each other, and our higher power. On the surface, it looks like we are all separate beings, living lives that are independent of each other. But, at a much deeper level, spiritually, we are all really connected to one another. If we are but willing and open to allowing ourself be open, honest, vulnerable and compassionate with ourselves first, and then others, we will come to know deep truths about ourself, about each other, about our higher power or God, and the universe. These truths will set us free. While we will still struggle with loneliness, self-esteem issues and our self-worth, the truth of who we really are will begin to surface.
I know that a lot of people in this day and age do not believe or follow a faith tradition, institutional religions, for one reason or another. But I know that many still do. But whatever the case may be, perhaps we can choose to sit with our own truth, our own pain, and let it speak to us. Bringing awareness to our lives and being more conscious of how we live might help us uncover the truth of how and why things are the way they are.
Last night, a few of my friends and I met up to share on Life of the Beloved, by Henri MJ M Nouwen, in our monthly book club. I just want to say that we are all Beloved. But we need to own and claim this truth for ourselves. And we need to live into it every day of our life. It is a conscious choice, and a discipline and it takes daily effort. Only then can we change our mindset, our lives and learn to be at peace with our loneliness, and even rise up from it. Otherwise, that same loneliness will lead us to depression, when left unattended.
I think as I grow older, and with what I’ve been seeing, observing and experiencing about life… whether through nature, human relationships, and just about everything else.. I am learning to accept that both joy and sadness can exist at the same time.
I was just reading the above article on loneliness last night, together with the comments. I struggled with depression after my mum’s death in 2011 and for most of my life I have been plagued by anxiety. It was only this year sometime in July that I decided to attend a workshop on anxiety. That led to a great change in my life. I never realised how deeply rooted my anxieties and fears were embedded in my psyche. Reading up on articles like this in the years before helped a good deal, questioning my thoughts and emotions helped alot, so did having spiritual direction monthly, as well as having a faith community and a deep, fulfilling relationship with my higher power, God. I know we will all struggle with loneliness at different points in our life.. its when we let it spiral uncontrollably that it turns to depression.
Maybe we all had this idea that joy and sadness cannot co-exist together. Maybe as children we were terrified of sadness and what that could mean for us so we kept resisting those uncomfortable feelings. But we’re adults now, we have the capacity and know-how of dealing with uncomfortsble feelings and thoughts(which often lead to loneliness). And if we can’t manage on our own, we can always choose to seek professional help, or spiritual direction/guidance, or both.
But if nature boldly manifest both life and death in abundance, maybe there is a lesson in there for us too. That its ok to feel sad, ok to feel joy, ok to feel not ok. Its only when we keep resisting our truth, denying our emotions, believing our overwhelming negative and self-sabotaging thoughts that we cause ourself unnecessary pain and suffering.
Both the flowers and the thorns can exist side by side and learn from each other.
We are all (Be)loved… we simply need to do the hard task of living into it.
Me too
Trace and Tom, thank you very much! Precisely my response – wow, he is excluding so many, who don’t have the “right” quality. In my good moments, I look around and try to acknowledge somebody more “ordinary” – e.g., NOT the prettiest woman in the room, or the coolest man.
I’m still grappling with the balance of wanting to be alone (I am definitely an introvert), finding comfort and happiness on my own and often NOT feeling lonely when alone, and my clear need for friendship as well as intimacy, at which times I feel lonely. I can’t find a therapist who understands this point from which I am starting. i.e., I only have so much interest in most people, so it is hard to form friendships. I only have so much interest (but it is definitely there!) in socializing, compared to doing solo activities (e.g., motorcycle or bicycle ride). So my natural state of introversion sabotages my opportunities to create friendships and thus feel connection. I don’t dislike people, but yes sometimes I find them “hard” and take energy. I can’t seem to find a resource to address this. Things are either one extreme or another – books on introversion on how you have to accept and honor your introversion. Check, got that. Books on creating friendships: get out there, expose yourself, be vulnerable, don’t worry about rejection. Check, got that, too. Those don’t help with the next step: can I find balance? I guess other pages in PsychAlive address it: get out of my head and just DO SOMETHING in this area in between the obvious extremes.
With me, I feel lonely because not only did I move in July, but also I lost my grandma on my mom’s side in August and my grandpa on my dad’s side just in December before the holidays. On top of that, I talk a lot when I am talking to someone and partly because I get so anxious and because I am so alone I feel some part of me feels I’ll never be able to get it out to someone. Especially if it is something I love, like my writing. I immediately feel guilty and start beating myself up at the same time I fight with that inner critic. My parents never seem interested in anything and I am always the one starting conversations when I am around people, I do wait for others to start them or to ask me questions, but nobody ever does, my dad has never asked me about anything, my mom does occasionally, but I feel only half the time is listening. My loneliness is getting worse.
No i feel the same way my kids grew up left me alone i dont know what happiness is anymore i just live get thru the day and wait next day what i face 56 years old alone and scared my kids want me be there for them where are they god bless hope this all will pass..
After doing 14 rounds of chemo every two weeks in the hospital for 5 days straight days this went on for 20 months I looked in the mirror I looked like a monster and feel this is it I can’t even look at myself when I do I get down on myself yell everyone to f*** off leave me be I’m s bitter bitch the truth is I’m hurt inside and I only pushed the people I cared about away now what. Alone and miserable and ugly,
Me too!
I am just so tired of being alone. I’ve tried, and tried, and tried… I do things to keep myself ‘busy’. Play piano/guitar, read, workout/run, watch movies. I recently had someone in my life, for 3 years, and then she ended it abruptly without even taking to me about it. I still hurt from that (over a year now). It would be so nice to have someone in my life. It’s all I ever wanted. I have standards, I guess we all have those, but I still look for someone who has depth and, of course, a sense of humor. I don’t know. It all seems so unfair at times. I try not to get down on myself. I know everyone is dealing with something in their lives, but that doesn’t really help me solve my problem. I try to be understanding, compassionate, and kind to myself as well as everyone I meet.
As do I. Not fun and most people just don’t get it. If I do have friends or church, I just end up isolating them anyway.
Hal, I am on here because I feel the same. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am alone all the time, and I try to keep busy too. I am trying to meet people via meetups, facebook, I just started putting more effort in, because I partly gave up for quite some time and did not put any effort into my relationships. I didn’t think it was worth it, or struggling to keep my ahead above water for various reasons. I lost myself for quite some time, and decided to try finding myself. It’s funny, I don’t notice much difference between now and before, actually, I must say, it seems that when I just let things happen it, it would work. However, I am in a different situation now. About 3,5 years ago, I moved to a new area in the same state, my family doesn’t even live here, just going through some life changes, and, I am not suggesting giving up. There are times when we actually a need a break from others, and that is ok, but sometimes it’s too much alone time. So, I try to balance it out. That is when I try to reach out to people, or that would mean ‘giving up’ once again, and I do like to believe I have some standards. I did notice those relationships didn’t really go anywhere, didn’t go well or I wasn’t able to keep them up for some reason. Sometimes it’s just life circumstances. So when this happens, I guess, I am trying to keep things in perspective. Reading this page makes me realize I am not alone in this, and it’s extremely important to me. Furthermore, I hope that by posting here, I have contributed to making others feel less lonely. I am 40, and will be 41 soon (I don’t even look my age right now), and I would like to hope that I am somehow leaving a footprint, or doing something helpful for others while we are still alive! I just want to be useful to someone somehow. I also feel terribly sad for the way things went in my last relationship, and that it was only 4 months and that was over two years ago. I have no idea what happened to this person. It was so hard to deal with it alone. I hope I have learned my lesson on how to interact with others and hopefully learned something about myself. Perhaps this person and I were not exactly compatible. Oh well. Let us hope things get better for us all.
Me to similar situation
You should not put yourself down say you was once pretty but not now,I’m Louie regardless of how a woman look now she still pretty on the inside and I bet you still are beautiful
I am really lonely. I can’t communicate with others. I don’t know how my friends are still there when their is nothing I contribute when to when they are discussing any topic. I have very low general knowledge. I feel very afraid when doing anything social like introducing myself to someone from my distant relatives. I don’t know what to say, how to start a conversation or what cam I say to make them laugh. I do have friends I think but we only meet at some place to play games. I have failed my exams for 3rd time. I feel so alone when my friends bring their friends who I havr not met. I just stand there and think why am I like this. Why can’t I be like them. They know what to say something and when to say it. They have humor. I am jealous of them. I am even jealous of my elder brother. He can communicate with anyone. English is not my first language so I don’t know what else to say.
You need to get out there and go join people who have the Same interest you have and join groups and go outside and join the community there is allways hope and faith never lose your smile
I feel lonely these days too, it’s been really hard ever since all of my friends have left for college. I feel like when my life doesn’t have people in it, time is alot slower. I want to give up on life alot these days, but I remember how beautiful life was, so at this point I just want to try everything I can.
My grand parents came for 1 months now they are going and I feel like alone and I only have 2 siblings 2 parents and 1 cook
I raised my two daughters alone I worked played a sitter never got Gov assistance I worked played bills tried to give them what I could . my daughters are my world the love I have for them is unconditional. They have their lives now the oldest has 4 kids 2grandchildren I’m not invited to Christmas Thanksgiving my birthday mothers day I spend alone my daughter has told so many lies about me why I don’t know she’s makes sur
E no one will talk to me she sells drugs rob does them as well her house is full of low lifes she has turned my GRAND kids against me.. My younger daughter is on heroin she has two daughters she lost her rights two. Im alone why my life is this way never on a million yrs s
I’d I ever think that
I would be alone I know I’m headed to nursing home when I no longer can care for myself. My daughter’s don’t call me im disabled I have no car im alone day in and day out look forward to nothimg transit system is none existent. I have no friends .. This my life sitting here waiting to die I have no life they have both stoled money and jewlery from me . I never had diff men in my home where did I go wrong I don’t understand
Be my friend I feel the same way
I wish I could meet you all and be friends and be there for each 💞
You have just describes my feelings that lead me hear. I hope everyone finds it. It being whatever drives your day. Im tired of searching.
I’ve been lonely my whole life. I remember having that feeling at even my earliest memories. It’s not just been in my mind. I have, for the most part, been physically and mentally left alone for the majority of my life. I never had much to start with and my circle has only gotten smaller. Not much of anything feels good anymore.
Your article confuses loneliness with being alone
I’m alone af.
Never forget there are platforms to help you tackle with loneliness <3. There are people, wonderful volunteers that can help and distract yourself from such an exhausting feeling as loneliness is.
7Cups is the one website I always use and helped me a lot with my struggles; of any kind!
For anyone who thinks they’d benefit from getting listened and understood by trained volunteers, here it is! It’s a non-crisis service, so do never think your issues are not a good enough reason to reach out for support. Everyone deserves the support they need! Here’s the link: https://www.7cups.com/19659585
I am Thomas 17 years of age I have Been feeling lonely for months now cause my dad has been sick for two years now so I always stayed back to take care of him in the process my so called best friend never turned up for me cause I never cared if no one else turned up I actually felt a bond with him I see he his living real fine without me sometimes I feel jealous and lonely it pains and after the sickness things have not been really good financially so I just feel pain and loneliness
yo i understand how you feel, and we can talk about it if you want.
I think it’s good that you should determine which people in your life you enjoy being around most so that more time can be spent with them. Ever since my brother got divorced after moving to a remote area for work, he has been especially lonely since he doesn’t have any neighbors and rarely has time to speak to co-workers, and he would like to find someone to talk to in order to avoid feeling anxious at night. Maybe he should consider finding a resource where he can find someone that he can talk to on a regular basis.
Still depressed
This article reallyhelped me make sense of the constant pain and crying I’ve been going through since I was a kid.
I am single, an only child and twice divorced.
I didn’t realize those 2 relationships would tear me down and rob me of my self-confidence that I worked hard on to be a Man that would have some respect but damn those women are harsh.
After the 2nd marriage I just reclused and stayed invisible to everyone around me and forced myself into isolation way before Covid. The lockdown was a godsend! I didnt have to make up anymore lies or reasons to not socialize It was fine with me.
But now I really feel intense pain and anxiety about being “alone”. I have can live alone and do things by myself no problem but life alone is miserable and depressing There is no way I would let a friend be as alone as I am.
Hey thomas dont give up on yourself you are an amazing person and you did a great job by speaking out
Being single and alone all the time really really sucks.
I have be a hard worker in an extremely job doing cou tless hours recently split from a long term loveless relationship lost my mum to cancer and also had life saving surgery which I overcame I know I should be grateful that healthy and have a home and a job and know so many are worse off and do best for other people when come but when it comes to me just feel life and happiness is meant for other people and I feel I’m just waiting to die rather than living I have closed myself off to everyone and just exist in a routine of sleep and work and can’t think of one thing of how to change it or any pursuit of what is happiness and sorry that have written all of this but no one to say any of this to.
Yes, that’s the same thing I do as well. Then later, I beat myself up for not keeping myself open to the possibility of having new friends. Then my loneliness kicks back in.
It’s nice that you’re taking responsibility to help your father but you’re 17. It’s ok to give yourself a night out with the boys! Sometimes laughter, and feeling happy before it’s time to go home will give you something nice to share with your father. I’m sure your father will love to here the joy in his son voice. It’s good medicine for both.
Yes, I have been looking for answers. This article is very informative and very helpful! Thank you!
I know how you feel. Loss both my parents some years back and a sibling to cancer. I don’t think those who have families or large families understand what it is like to have your life altered and no family around to relate to what you are feeling. They will say you are now apart of their family but it is hard to relate when they start going down memory lane and you have no clue who they are talking and you smile trying to fit in but it’s foreign to you. After a while you get into a rut and it’s the same thing every day no change and before long you just feel like you’re isolated with absolutely nothing to look forward to I relate. Right now this is a down side. It can get better it will get better. You have to believe that. Hope in the little things till the little things become big wonderful things. Find something that gives you joy. Something you use to do a hobby sports or join a club that cost little but stays active in your area. It could be just a small thing. One day break a cycle that you always do, change it up. Call someone you fell out of touch with say something like you came across my mind and I just wanted to say hey and how are you doing. If you get a great response follow up and if you don’t look up another old friend do the same again you’re feel better and they will feel good that you thought enough about them to call. I’m speaking from experience give it a try. That’s what I’m doing. It’s not easy but keep your head up
If women had been like the old days, then many of us single men really wouldn’t be in this situation at all.
Hey. You doing alright?
I’m so sorry you’re feeling alone. I really am sorry.
Hope you’re alright. You’re so young at 17. Surely you’ve had your bday by now or soon enough. Happy 18th birthday Thomas! (Whenever it is.) I know it’s hard to take life as it comes to you, brother. But find your inner peace and God will guide you in every step. Love your father, for he would do the same for you.
What can I do to make her love me I have visited so many forums and some of the people I met on such sites told me to forget about my lover or maybe I should just let go
I am alone please help me
Everyone of us need to be loved. It is human nature.
Hy, I’m preeti.if you want we can talk.
Hello preeti, can we talk? I feel extremely lonely. I’m from Delhi and feel overwhelmed all the time.
Hey friends, I am 17 years old and I go to school and club every day but I have not found a friend yet but I have an old friend but every day I try to find a new friend but I can not, I smile, I do everything but still nothing I did not find a friend, I am tired, of course that old friend has been friends for 9 years, but finally this friendship ends, then I do not know what to do
I would love some company 🙂
Pen pals would work.
what do I do to not feel lonely at my dads house if I stop feeling lonely by talking but my animals don’t like me, my dad wont let me get another one, and I can not talk to him, his wife (step-mom), or my little sister. I also cannot talk to other people because I do not have a phone at his house. What do I do???
Arthur, I’m right there with you bud. I’ve always been good at or comfortable talking to women but it seems the past couple years I just have too much shame or not sure what it is; but I’m almost scared to talk to someone that im into because I’m not good enough. P.S. your post is from awhile back, I hope you told that girl your liked her!
Man thats how my hometown is….small town, haters