“Why do I hate myself?”

hey im nikki and googling ‘why i hate myself’ has changed my life. I’m fifteen and have major issues with self image. i have a lot of problems in my home life, and ive never felt much like a part of the family. everyone makes me feel insignificant, and a lot of people put me down. after my mum suggested weight loss surgery to me i broke inside. its been two months since ive had it done and i regret it so bad. ive lost weight, but wasnt really fat in the first place. i wish i could just love myself and not take in what they say. im constantly criticised. im told that im always sad, always acting hurt. well thats because im constantly being hurt. im starting to recognise my inner critic. she’s a real bitch :)… but in all seriousness i can’t blame anyone. thanks for kinda making me realise why i am the way i am. im not going to apoligize for everything anymore. I’m going to encourage myself and love myself. thanks.

I’m 30, a mom of two Beautiful children a wife to one awesome man. I do what I love for a living -my life is a dream come true. I’ve had issues in the past with my parents (more on that later) but I’ve learned to forgive them and we now have a great relationship…so why do I hate myself so damn much? it seems juvenile but I feel so desperate that I googled it and came across this article. Glad I did. But my chest is still heavy. Every thought, every decision, every interaction is an anxiety attack. It took me a long time to trust my husband not to make the same mistakes my father did, but even now I don’t believe he thinks I’m beautiful but I can’t pinpoint why being beautiful in his eyes weighs so heavily on me. When I eat I make bad decisions and this is the part the contributes to my self destructive tendencies. I tell myself healthy food is not delicious even though I KNOW this is what my body needs but inner critic is an asshole and more than often wins the debate. The thing is I’m a great debator. Iam great in business and I’m assertive when need be, I have a great professional life. But its my self image that struggles. When my two selves debate, the inner critic is a louder voice because now I figure it echoes the many opinions that were inflicted on me in the past. I’m the daughter of a ‘well known man in the community’ (let’s just say) so growing up we always had to portray perfection. So every negative opinion aired about my outfit or my weight or whatever was very much taken to heart. It was pressure on my parents too. The meanest thing my mom said to me was that the only thing beautiful on me at the time was my hair. It was wrong. But that mom is different now too and I’ve forgiven her for that but of course the words can’t be unsaid. What scares me is how I’m affecting my daughter. She sees me look at myself and sigh. I’m aware of my self destructive nature so I don’t vocalize any self criticism. But its there. After reading this I’m also paranoid how I might be affecting my kids, what they’ll take away from their childhood and how I’m royally screwing it up. Boo. I need to change.

I must admit I’m completely screwed up… And I’m not sure how to fix it.

Imagine for a moment how it would feel if every day, five to ten people (or more) that were your peers told you they don’t like you, or maybe they let you know that they don’t like you in some obvious way…

Every day…

For years… (and it’s during the most important years, your childhood)

How would that influence your behavior and your thinking? How long would it take for you to accept their opinion is the valid way people actually “think” about you and that any positive opinions are not accurate?

This can be how it is for the “unpopular kids” at school…

And it is was what it was like for me…

Never fitting in, always on the outside, even when I was included I “knew” it was only to set me up to be excluded again…

A sample exercise of how to feel worthless that I can share: imagine how it would feel to have my memory of the “kickball” game organized by my teacher for our class to play.

You know about the whole “picked last” thing?

How about each team arguing against having to pick you at all? Not picked last, but instead not picked at all?

What about watching those teams negotiate with each other about what they will do so neither side will have to let you play with their team…

And when it happened, the teacher didn’t have ANYTHING to say to the class for doing this…

In the end, I remember being “allowed” to to not have to play… (I wan’t allowed to leave the eye sight of the “teacher” but I didn’t “have to play”)

And it’s not like I’m in a wheel chair or that I ever was… I don’t want to reveal too much about me but I’m a currently soldier in the US Army… And I have always been as physically capable, or more capable than my “peers” when I was in school… (i.e. I’ve done the whole “introspection thing” but I haven’t identified how any of my actions or behavior encouraged this – maybe my intrinsic worth?)

But because of this experience, and many others that are similar, I “know” because of the behavior of the other students towards me that I must be a terrible person… After all, they wouldn’t have treated me that way if it wasn’t true and when they were doing it it was based on their honest feelings and opinions – we were all too young to have any kind of guile or motive behind our behaviors.

So… I learned when I was young I must be worthless, and now that I’m older, even when people indicate somehow that I’m not, I can’t help but thinking the positive thoughts are not genuine because it’s a crafty manipulation rather than genuine feeling.

And YES!!!

I KNOW this is crazy!!!!

But, It’s not something I know how to fix…

I can understand intellectually what people tell me, as an example: where I work we are rewarded for our positive contributions with awards or incentives… so every time I am given an award or a performance bonus – I understand intellectually that this is a positive statement. But… Emotionally I do not believe they really mean this “compliment” and instead feel it’s only because they don’t want to make me feel bad and that they cynically want the best performance out of me that they do these things, not because they really think I’m really a “good person.”

The problem is that in my mind I “know” I’m worthless, and every time I receive feedback supporting my belief of “worthlessness” it reaffirms what “I already know” and every time I receive positive feedback that doesn’t support my negative beliefs I think it’s not honest feedback because they don’t want to hurt my feelings…

The worst part is I know this is screwed up thinking – but I don’t know how to escape it…

I know I’m not alone in this BUT I really don’t know what to do about it…

I’d say “help” but it’s not something I can really ask for help with, especially because of my job. In the end I hope posting this, even if it’s anonymous, I really hope it helps me work through my dysfunctional feelings and thinking… (and it wouldn’t hurt if someone were to see this and feel better about themselves because they know they’re not alone in feeling this way)

Those playground moments can haunt you for the rest of your life. I remember feeling left out when I was a young kid because I couldn’t run very fast or kick a ball very far, but then I hit puberty and “being left out” by my peers turned into outright abuse. I came from a loving family, but I felt completely alone facing the bullies in P.E. class every day. I dreaded that hour of the day; it was like something out of “The Lord of the Flies.” Now, in spite of my accomplishments as an adult, I still don’t feel good about myself and I think it’s because of all that ill treatment in middle school. Like you said, from a logical standpoint there is no reason to let things that happened 30+ years ago impact my life now, but those negative experiences are deeply ingrained. Best of luck to you in working through it.

Wow, every sentence of that article strikes a chord with me. It is one sad song.
Thankyou, it has reinforced and put into words what I was realising about myself. I would like to read the book ‘The Self Under Seige’.

Everyone,

This is an article of hope! It was a real pleasure to read, and even everyone else’s comments. I have for such a long time endured the bullying that my inner critic has put me through, but this doesn’t have to be a “sad story.” On the contrary, look at it as the most intimate and personal challenge you will ever encounter! This article, and a book that I am reading now, “Psychocyberntics” by Maxwell Maltz, have been helpful; but the only thing that will change the bad habits are yourselves. Go to these sources, and the above-recommended book as inspirations and guides when a real bad time strikes. We all have the up and downs that come with our self-hate; mine is deeply intertwined with depression. But I can see that there are rays of hope shining through the dark abyss that I thought I was in. One day, I’ll come to realize I was only trapped underneath the covers of a tear-stained bed.

Hope and faith will see you through!
April

Your bf is in fact horrible. He should at least give out as if you were to go it would be over. Follow your dreams but 10 years being in a relationship is hard to let go of and go after your dream that you’ve been trying to pursue. I just find more ways to convince you bf how seriously and desperately you want to go. Do anything to make whatever dream happen

good grief, two sides to every tale.

You could say that I am a smart person at my school but I’m always left out of things.

A bunch of people ask me for answers but that’s all they do. Their not friends, just peers and I really hate it. I also sit with 2 people at lunch (everyday) but they talk to only eachother 3/4 of the time.

I try to be someone who I’m obviously not. My friend has a deviant art and on there she Talks like “Nuu, it’s okei. But Thanksies mah bestie~! And No problemo for da faves~!!! X3” I try to be like her but it doesn’t work. She’s just too…happy….

You could say that I’m antisocial but I’m really just a strait up kuudere:
Kuudere: They are really cold and emotionless, but they slowly open up to their love interest/a person they trust. Kuudere is different from tsundere because tsundere are not emotionless and express their feelings in a more loud,anger-like way. But kuuderes are just quiet and emotionless.

So yeah…in the start of the school year I was all, “YAY~! Your name is Sammy the cat and yours is baseball head and-” but I made some decisions that I really regret.

I’m scared of my parents and I made some mistakes the year before. So, I was forces to lie….and one of the lies could have gotten them arrested….I was inside a 7th period and I wanted to quit. I told my parents about it but they kept on bugging me and such…once they agreed, I talked to the teacher and he said that i needed a parent signature. My mind was blank when my mom asked me if I canceled the class yet and so I answered yes when I needed her signature. I didn’t know what to do so I was absent from that period for half of the year. I had an F- and too many absences to count.

My teacher said that we were going on a field trip and that we were going to do some fundraisers to raise money. We had those 60 chocolate chocolate boxes and I only sold 30 when the deadline was due. It would be a waste to throw it away so I kept the box from the room and I gathered up some money and used that instead. But…I didn’t pay it until 2 months later when ALL of the money for the trip was due.

A lot of things like these kept on happening this year and I broke. Every time I even thought about my seventh period or my moms face when she saw the chocolates, I broke down right there.

I know that I’m a liar. But, I don’t know oh to stop. My lies start out small but I never find a way/gather up the courage to put it at ease. And I still hate myself for it.

I don’t know what to do. I find my self starting to me meaner and meaner when I’m recalling all of those incidents and the dreams that if been having…

I once was with my class and I went by a pole to be alone and a group of girls told me to sit with them. I didn’t feel worthy, I was less than a water flee.

I don’t know if this means I’m emo or what. I think that humans are a disgusting species. They lie, hate, and bully so easily, without another thought. But I have mixed feelings on this subject. Just like the article said, we each have two sides, fighting for control over out body. I feel that I’m not worthy to be inside Thai works. To be with all of these beautiful, pure creatures.

I don’t know myself at all. I start tearing up when I try to put the pieces together. But I’m positive about one thing, I hate being alone. And I think that no creature deserves to be. But……I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m not usually this type of person but I read all of the comments and I find it so terrible…

You sweet girl; You are about 12 or 13 I believe from your tone. Now is the hardest time to be a young teen with the way the world is. I felt the same way when I was your age; I hated myself and didn’t know who I really was.

As far as the lies you told once you come clean to your parents you will feel a lot better. It’s hard to do; but do it and you will feel a weight off of your shoulders. Everyone makes mistakes; that is what those were. Because you lied doesn’t make you a “liar.” Just try and do different.

If you want to have a friend BE a friend. You only really need one or two people as friends that you can be yourself, be comfortable around. Find someone you enjoy being around and just be their friend. and know that everything will get better. It really will. I’m 37, married, mother of two girls and I can still remember feeling the way you do now.

Hey, Pushin
Im with you, even if im adult, i still scare of my parents. I think it is because i known that they’ve got high expectation in me and i cant reach their expectation. Anyway i choose to keep quiet instead of lie…

The first time i got F from bad behaviour, i didnot try to fix it, i didnot know how to fix it, i scared to reach out to parents, i ran away from teacher when she tried to let me fix it, i felt ashame of myself and scare of how the teacher will look at me or think of me…and time passed until last summer of graduating year. I almost not graduated because of this subject. I cannot remember how it happened but lastly my father and i went to meet teacher together. I’ve got busted!! and my father slapped me so hard in front of the teacher, The situation of that summer went worst and i totally broken thinking that i made my parents disappointed and this incident scarred me for half of my life.
I never ever picked this topic to talk to anyone because i am ashame to myself…but u know what… one day i just found out that my parents FORGOT all the detail about the incident, ONLY ME remember it. They could remember only that they need to go to meet teacher and i almost not graduated but they cannot remember what i did wrong or even care anymroe about what i did and it just doesnot matter anymore. I, ALONE carried broken feelings for more than 15 years!!
Well, time passed, my parents forgive and forgot and i think your parents will be the same, they are too busy working. Those bad grades or bad behaviors are not matter anymore. the only matter now is that i could stand on my own or not.
So, i suggest you to do like this when u face some trouble. Please thinking of urself in future, maybe next week, next month, next year,next 10 year… how this trouble will affect ur life in those time, if u lie to ur parents make u hurt now, how it will affect u in next 10 years and how it will affect them. Is there anyway to fix it. Did u try to says sorry to her yet? It’s worth it.
Anyway, i have 6 close friends when i was in secondary school, 3 closed friends in high school and only 2 when i was in university, i found myself happy with them even if no one have daviant’s id like me. We had difference hobby but same way of thinking, i suppose. I totally envy young Thai nowaday that people have more openmind about manga, animation and games. Easier to find friends with same interest. If you are not happy with this group, try to join another one until you find one.
Lastly, I love Kuudere and i consider that i am one, too. but only that i dont think i could be as cute as anime character O.O
So, try to love yourself and forgive yourself before you will lose 15 years like me. I just try to practise to not hate myself now, too.
Good Luck!!

It is so cool to know this feelings are not because I’m rubbish. I still feel I’ll never get free…

We are all strong people we have been through so much hurt

Hope and faith will see you through? If someone said that to you when you were depressed you would want to puke on them

I am 19 female from India….I am going through a hard time in my life…I wanted to become a doctor….I loved the noble profession…. i always used to be the topper of my class since childhood…My parents,relatives and my teachers had lot of expectations from me….But from the very beginning i hated studies….I don’t know why exactly bt i didn’t liked it….I had an internal hidden stress may be due to studies….After completing my 12 class i dropped a year for competitive exam to get seat in medical college….bt i was not able to study…i wasted my year….i hate myself cuz i am lazy…i am not able to wake up…i am not able to control my emotions….i don’t study (only one day before exam bt still i top it) …bt if I would study sincerely i would have been leading a different life….I feel negative all the time…i am getting treated for depression after insisting my parents to take me to doc cuz i can’t take it anymore….and thankfully they agreed….I am in relationship where my bf dominates me and never puts any effort into it…i wanna leave him bt he was my serious crush from childhood and now i got him after 7 years….its hard….life is hard…I had been fat since childhood and faced social anxiety…. Hate my life..!

Hi everyone, my name is Anne, I’m only twelve and I also have the same problems you guys have. I’m having trouble loving myself which put me to hating myself. I have friends but I have trouble trusting them, I rather keep problems my to myself. I only have a mother but I feel like she doesn’t love me at all and probably never will because I was just a mistake, an accident, she never really wanted me. A man that I should call my father made her drunk and took advantage of her, so every minute of my life I will hate him because, not only my mom lost the one she loved because of what my father did, it also affect on me, all my mom’s hatred towards him reflect on me, she put all her anger to me. So every night I cry and compare myself to a garbage, actually I feel like a garbage and I also wish that I was never born. I know I’m over reacting but I can’t help it. I search the web on how to love myself and the first step was: Accepting the past, which I have trouble doing it, so, PLEASE!! I NEED HELP!!

Recently, i have been feeling so extremely low. I’m 30 years old and whereas I should feel grown up I still struggle with issues stemming from severe childhood and early adulthood bullying. From the ages of 11 to 22 roughly. I was bullied all through school told i was worthless, ugly, scary, weird, smelly, you name it i was called it. Was always picked last for sports, tall, awkward, tried to hide my perceived ugliness in make up and often wore too much, which made the bullies pick on me even more they used to even hit me and pull my hair while calling me names like ugly witch…Once I left school I then got into a violent relationship with a guy 12 years older than me. I was 19. He hit me and called me all the names under the sun including the familiar ugly and stupid. Was with him nearly 3 years. Married at age 22 to another guy he is 10 years older. Still together but he is heartless and unloving sometimes. We have one daughter. I love her more then anything and she gives me reason to carry on. However she too, is now being bullied, by the children of the monsters that picked on me back in my high school days. Just yesterday they all picked on her, calling her ugly, fat, stupid, tramp, all the names I used to be called. It hurt me incredibly and it made me ill all day today. Seeing my beautiful baby go through what I did makes me feel so horrible inside. I don’t want my girl to hate herself like I do. I tell her how lovely she is and how she is worthy of so much love and respect…but I feel it will impact her life as it has mine. I’m so dejected and saddened by how horrible the world can truly be.

J,

Thanks for your advice. 🙂 I think I just need some time accepting it and wait for the time someone will wipe my tears away.

I am not into my 20’s yet but I have suffered through alot. I have a really bad case of acne and my mom doesn’t care what happens to me. All she cares about is her “image.” I found myself desperate, at 2 in the morning, to google this, like many other commenters have. Everyday at school is like a raging war of anxiety attacks. “Did someone just notice my acne?” “Did someone notice that I’m the only one without a guardian at conference night?” I don’t know why I got such strong feelings of depression or Anxiety. I got bullied in Elementary, and I came to a conclusion: I don’t have a friend, no one will stand up for me. This and alot of unmentioned reasons are why I hate myself. What’s worse is: I think I’m just jealous of people who seem to have it all. I disapline myself for popping pimples by locking myself in my room. This reply was very jumbled and didn’t really have a main point. I just needed a vent. Thanks to anyone who cared to listen. I will try to live a peaceful life.

I hate myself real bad because I’m only 13 and in year 7 when I’m supposed to be in year 8 plus I look 2 or 3 or even more years older than I am because most people think I’m in year 8 or 9 most of the times but sometimes even 10. I just wish I look more like my age and keep my childhood longer because I’m still a kid

I’m 18 and I’m so glad I found this article. I have a great life, I have parents who love me more than they love theirselves, I have my smart sister who almost always knows every answers of my questions and always supports me in everything I do, I hv the best friends I could ever have in this world. I have the perfect life anyone can have in my age, yet at the same time, I often feel that I hate myself. Every little mistakes that I made only make me hate myself more. I started to think that I’m worthless human being, unworthy, etc. only because of mistakes I made. I’ve had this thought since I was a kid and I never really gave it a care because my family has a history of being perfectionist and so I thought it’s normal for me to have those thoughts (it was like ‘well, it’s in my genes, so whatever’), but I never realized that it’s desteuctive until it got worse for the past few years. I got a lot worse score in every subjects lately and everything I did seem to always fail and there would always be that voice in my head saying “see?? I knew u would never work it out well!!” then it would always end in “I hate myself”. I never told my parents abt this because I dont want them to worry. I love them and I dont want them to spend anymore time to be worried abt me, they’ve given so much for me.

Anyway I know now that those thoughts are just my negative inner voice and I should never again listen to them (it’s like the ‘mean girl’ in me that always try to break me down). Thank you so muh for this article, it really opens my eyes to see that I dont need to damn myself and have negative thoughts abt myself for every little mistaks or imperfection that I make. Thank you so much for this article 🙂

Hey niki I feel the same way but my parents are helping me through it
But I think what ur mom did wasn’t right
U should decide what to do with ur body and don’t let any one make u do something u don’t want to do again
And no mater how much u weigh know that u are beautiful and u shouldn’t feel sorry for ur self
I am also 15 years old and over weight

Hi m a 23 year old girl living in a conservative country. I m v beautiful n smart. I was a topper all through my life but still I feel empty. My father is n abusive husband he has aIways dominated me n my mom. My entire childhood n still I feel DT m under a house arrest. My dad has controlled my life entirely. I was never allowed to go out or even talk to my guy cousins or make male friends. I was not allowed to even look at boys directly. I never made friends n dun believe in friendship cz everybody has hated my guts I was v pretty n intelligent n won every competition of drawing studies painting or beauty etc. Which was y everyone hated me as I was perfect. Many guys now want me BT I was in 2 relationships n mind it dese r basically d only guys I hv talked to n befriended. Both of them dominated me again. They dun allow me to make friends, extremely possessive n jealous. I m marrying one if them. My dad hates me cz I crossed d line BT accepted my bf cz he is from a v good family. So u can c d contradictions. Despite being perfect m feeling d same as above people. I hate my life n myself. I have tried to commit suicide twice. I dunno what I wanna do in my life. Whatever career m pursuing its cz of d burden of being perfect. Its really boring. I always feel out of place n lonely. I think I m different n awkward. I think like a loser always as I never take compliments seriously though I hv been always getting them cz I think I dun deserve them. My bf whom I m supposed to get married to next year is a party animal n outgoing. I on d other hand m n introvert n very emotional. I dun drink or smoke hv always followed every god damn rule in my life. Everybody thinks I m boring n belong to 19 the century. I recently failed in d toughest exam of my country. M completely destroyed n I need help. Cannot go to a doctor cz I dun hv money. Plz help me.

Heyyy. Even if you don’t feel like you’re special, or really good at something, it doesn’t matter. Because you’re beautiful just because you EXIST is this world in this human form. You’re loved already and you don’t have to do anything to be worthy. You already are. There are a lot of people speaking about this, like Marianne Williamson, like Deepak Chopra, Anita Moorjani and etc. And it really helps. This understanding of ourselves as already being beautiful, every single moment of your life, is really important for all of us. And actually, ESSENTIALLY, no matter what you do, it won’t change.

So go ahead and shine. You are beautiful and amazing person. You actually know that, right? Admit it. 🙂

This is coming from a 20 years old girl, who just noticed again in some videos that her hair look messy and sloppy. And this scares me since for some time in my teenage years I’ve been bothered by my older brother’s and some other people about my appearence, as if I was not enough. But I am. You are. Even my brother and all those dear people feel the same way, they just wanted to change something so it would be better. Yet, either with messy hair or with coolest hairstyle, I am beautiful. That, I am. And you are.
Love,
Vita:)

Wow… Honestly I found the comments rather depressing. We have all been through crap in our lives, and that’s okay, the trick is to learn how to be strong within, and eventually the rest will follow, no matter your shape, size, race, etc. just find something you believe in, something positive, and direct your energies that way. All these people that make you feel like crap, they focus so much on the negative themselves, that their lives won’t be worth much. I mean if they have nothing else to live for than putting other people down, then they are stuck, while we have a chance to fly.

And I do know what I’m talking about, despite many people thinking otherwise. I’m emo. Yeah, I know, freaky right? Unnatural maybe? Well I don’t care what those people think. I have spent my entire life (well, I’m only 17) being put down by others, and bullied by adults and kids (I was born in a bible thumper town, not that there’s anything wrong e that) and was basically a door mat, shy, and scared to show people the real me. I love my parents, but they never understood, and when I told teachers that I was “emo” they asked me if I wanted to seek professional help.

I’m not going to pretend my life was some huge sob story, or competing for the “bad childhood” reward, bc it wasn’t as bad as other people out there. It wasn’t that these people didn’t like me, they just didn’t understand. And I wouldn’t really let them. I mean I’m shy, not anti social as much as just scared to be social. I still am. 🙂

Things changed for my junior year of high school, where I met people, that weren’t really like me, but they accepted me, something I didn’t really know. bc of them, I really stopped being scared of what people thought of me, and I started thinking about what I thought of myself. I mean I hated myself for a long time, for being different, but u know what?

THE WORLD NEEDS PEOPLE WHO R DIFFERENT! 🙂

I still get bullied at times, I don’t think ever really goes away, but I now stand up for myself. I don’t have to physically fight them, bc I know as soon as they open their mouths I have won. These people that focus on putting others down will get nowhere in life, and secretly they know it. It s people like us, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos that will run this country, and have done so before.

And to some of you guys, I’m going to give you some tough love. I know that expressing yourself this way, venting as is, is overall good for you to get it of your chest, and help you let go of things. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your life is you. It’s good to talk, but you also need to act. If you hate the way your life is, change it 🙂

Yeah, changing is a bet, and u don’t know if it will go sideways, but is that chance better than where u are right now?

Alright I’m going to shut up now, cause this is dragging out WAY too long 🙂 and remember, even if you feel like no ones got your back, you have at least one total stranger that will back you up (ME <3 )

I hate posts like this. My parents were amazing and loving and caring and I couldn’t ask for more. You can’t reduce everyone who struggles with their self-esteem down to daddy issues. Starting off on that foot means that the rest of the article is also inapplicable to me (and generally seems to be rephrasing CBT and making it look like some revolutionary technique credited to the Firestones alone, which could not be further from the truth).

Hey, i rather not mention my name. But I’m 17 years old now. I have experienced bullying from age 5-14. 2 years without being bullied and i still feel like shit about myself. Everyday these voices of the bullies haunt me day after day. One day i finally found the perfect guy, i know it may sound strange coming from a 17 year old girl. but i felt like he was my love. I was myself around him , for once i felt like myself like i was free. 5 months later the voices found a way back into my head telling me how i wasn’t good enough for him. So i ended up pushing him away. Today after reading this little article i realized i have to try to get the real me out, to try to get him back, and to leave the negative me behind. It may be a struggle to do but thanks to you i believe it can be done.

I randomly google searched ‘i dislike myself’ because I have been having trouble for quite some time now – connecting with people, friendships, relationships and work. I find it hard to be myself and relax because I feel like I don’t know who I am, all I am to me is a critical voice in my head, trying to hide from the outside world what I am really thinking. Im even certain I’ve lost my sense of humour.
The only thing that brings me back to life and helps me feel relaxed with people is alcohol. I feel content with alcohol and I can have a laugh and connect with people – no problems.
It’s easy to say- think positive and be strong within, but when you are fighting this kind of anxiety everyday and negative thoughts about yourself, its almost impossible.

I have also come to the conclusion this is due to my strict up bringing, just from meeting other people, its clear that i’m not as confident as others. My parents have never shown much love, mainly disapline and money orientated.

I’m in my late 20’s and I can feel good opportunities slipping away due to this anxiety and low self-esteem. If my parents brought me up the way they did and this is what I am because of it, then I guess this is what I have to man up and face. It’s just a pain when you see others living life so easily and happily, having great jobs because of their confidence and great relationships because they can let others love them because they love themselves – Maybe one day I can have that! POSITIVE THINKING!!

Dont worry. its normal for your age, I were like you in your age but I changed after that. You will be so successful, I am sure because you care about your succeed. I repeat it again dont worry, you will be a great man one day.

Hi,

I am saddened to learn so many of you are self loathing out there. I’d like to share my story briefly. I am 31 years old, have a job, an apartment and a wonderful fiance. I happen to be pretty and thin and most people accept me at this point. I too have been bullied through out elementary and middle school. Those experiences resulted in extreme social anxiety. I used to base my self worth on my appearance and sometimes still do at times, but have learned my low self esteem has absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. My self esteem is attributed to many experiences of ridicule and childhood bullying. I was raised by loving parents, but both of them suffered with addictions. Now, as an adult I know we should not look to external factors to dictate our self esteem and self worth. I still, to this day suffer with social anxiety and what people think of me and how they perceive me etc. In looking into my issues, it is not them who I am concerned with though. I am the one who is judging and critizing myself when I am out with friends or social settings. They are not judging me the way I think they do. I am trying to avoid my own self critic, and therefore tend to choose to opt out of social events. The worst part about doing that is that I then feel super guilty and mad at myself for not being normal enough to just go out and have fun. I then self loathe as a result of opting out as well. It seems you cant win when you try to prevent these feelings. My poor fiance has suffered through many of my social anxiety and panic attacks. If he tells me we are going to his parents for dinner, I tend to have a meltdown pretty fast. Even if we are going out with friends, I have to punish and berate myself and hate myself for a good few hours before I go out. That’s if I make it out.
BUT I do know listening to our instincts, and our true selves can set us free. If you realize you are afraid of yourself and do not trust yourself enough to enjoy life then please do seek help. Your life was not meant to live in fear and self hate. Each day take steps to do the things that make you happy. The only person that can change how you feel is you. Even if the entire universe came together and told you, you were wonderful, loved and a beautiful being you’d most likely not believe them anyway. So work on convincing yourself you are worthy. Ultimately your opinion is the one that matters. Do not look to others to build you up. (They will never be able to heal your wounds).

Praying for all of you to feel worthy some day!!!

My problem is I never give my problems any significance at all, like I try to minimise them in appearance and laugh about them and pretend they don’t exist by talking to myself or getting lost through my tv addiction. I have trouble making friends and being friends with people. Before I made friends and lost almost every single one of them(save for one) and now I honestly cannot seem to make any friends at all. I hate the fact that I am so boring; I’m like a blank slate, with nothing interesting to say- I just nod ‘yes’, become blank in all social situations and go through public life like a zombie. I have this deep rooted fear of other people hating me and this has strangely been true in all past relationships. So I guess I maintain my distance from anyone, am polite but also cold and am mean to people who try to get close to me in any way. I feel like I’ll screw up anything I do, be it a test or sth. In fact, I’m so worried about screwing up, that I mess up the simplest things when I’m doing them in front of people and I end up feeling so dumb and stupid all the time. I hate feeling stupid and inadequate and I feel that I am way dumber or mentally underdeveloped than other people my age. In public, it is so difficult for me now to interact with people, sometimes to even form coherent sentences. I screw up or bore people. I also feel like I don’t have anything to offer to anyone or even if I do, I’ll just be rejected. I also have a habit of comparing myself to every single person around and overanalysing every single detail. I go over the most trivial thing over and over again in my head with extremely negative, pessimistic thoughts. If people treat me like shit, I don’t know how to react and instead I let it slide by. I’ve had people take me for granted. So everything, especially the way I present myself to other people, including family members, makes me hate myself to the core. But all these issues that I laid out open also make me feel like I’m indulging in self-pity and that I need to stop ranting for this precise reason.

This all makes perfect sense to me. I have suffered from intense feelings of not being good enough my entire life. I dont seem to be aware of the thoughts though so i find it difficult to dispute them etc. A couple of thoughts I am aware of are “I can’t be bothered” and “Whats the point” I say these things to myself all the time. They are very self sabotaging thoughts. They allow me stay stuck where I am and not try for success of any kind. Kind of like a battered dog that no longer will move for fear of being hit. I feel sad just writing this. I want to change this pattern and rid myself of these thoughts but not sure how. I have tried CBT and found it not to be very useful.

Hey Soni,
I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that you have to live with these feelings. It’s odd reading your story and seeing many similarities and feelings between us. I have suffered my entire life from a father that never noticed the good and only focused on the bad in my life- sometimes even inventing negative things just to bring me down. My mother became a ghost of who she had been and my siblings would team up against me and often times leave me stranded in situations where I would have been there for them. I am the oldest sibling and have always tried my hardest to be kind and caring, to be a great brother and son, but no matter what I did, I let my family down.
I often feel alone, and I know how easy it is to let negativity influence our own day to day walk. It’s easy to let myself bring myself down, sometimes I have a hard time coming back up- I even worry that I’ll go so far down I’ll never be myself again. It hurts. It hurts when the supportive structure that your family should have been crumbles and any achievement you make never seems good enough. Or even seems like it will last or be significant. My father suffered(suffers) from an addiction to alcohol and medication, and, by some sort of divine comedy I acquired Hep C during a surgery when I was 9 and therefore as a 23 year old adult I can’t just take the easy road out and hide behind drugs, I would be killing myself. So often I struggle with the hurt, it often comes when I least expect it and it’s a battle internally. But, reading your story, and knowing I am not alone in the pain and the sorrow brings hope. It’s one thing to hear that you’re not the only one going through emotional tribulation, its another thing to read heartfelt words on a page and know your not alone. We are surrounded by people who care about us, the world is not all bad. Even our parents care for us, even if it’s almost impossible to see that, they are just as hurt as we are. I read your story though, and I am sorry. You have my prayers and my thoughts. Do your best to prevent this from happening to your children and know that one day your relationship with your parents may improve, and even if it doesn’t, you are blood and all you can do is love them. That doesn’t mean you have to take the abuse though.

I read this ” why i hate myself” Self help article. Im glad it deters from blaming my parents. Im not sure where, or when this started in my life. I know im tired of feeling like a dweeb. Im very sick of my inner voice calling me horrible names. Then when i do get my wish and have many friends, my inner voice tells me what great people my friends are for allowing me to hang out with them. That they feel sorry enough for me to let me be part of their group. I am 53 years old and extremely shy. I have 100s of friends all across the US because people truly like me. I still feel unworthy of their friendship. I even heard myself tell my friends and aquaintences that i didnt and dont expect good treatment. That its ok to be mean or rude to me. I know its wrong now, and i want to be happy. Please help.

Jeez, I feel like I wrote this. I’ve read the rest of the comments, but this one is almost exactly on point for me, hi inner voice twin!

Oh love, hearing your story makes my heart ache. You’ve been through so, so much, and now with your daughter, too… You are so brave for facing the cruelty of this world and still having the strength to love! You are AMAZING!! I know that just like you, your daughter is sooooooo beautiful, too. Keep loving her and showing her what it means to love — including how to love herself! That is the greatest defense we can cultivate and share with one another. Because if you have love, you have everything. Nothing else matters. I know how terrible the world can be… It can hurt you so badly. But only if you let it. Never let anyone or anything stop you from loving with all your heart. Keep going. You, sitting right there, are absolutely gorgeous.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Hi Anne… First of all, what a brave and courageous girl you are. It sounds like you’ve already had to go through quite a lot in your life… I can understand why it hurts so much, and why you feel helpless. Your feelings are entirely valid. But you have to know just how meaningful you are to this world. If you could see yourself from the outside, you’d see just how special and beautiful and important you truly are. The past is gone. It can’t hurt you anymore — at least, not if you don’t let it. The past exists nowhere but in your mind. You are more than capable of forgiving your parents and loving yourself. Because you have the power to be yourself, to be amazing as you are, and to let go of anything that doesn’t support you.

Trust me, you are positively radiant. You shine!! You are special in ways you can’t even understand… But it is so clear to the rest of the world. You are NOT garbage. NEVER. If you hadn’t been born, I wouldn’t get to write to you right now, and I wouldn’t have got to hear your story, which underneath all the pain, is a beautiful one. You are worth so, so much. If you can, tell it to yourself every single day, without fail. You are worthy and beautiful and special and unique — and you were born for a reason!! Fulfill it whatever way your heart tells you. Love with as much of yourself as possible. Love people, your parents, everyone you walk past. Just feel your heart radiate as you go by. It might take some practice. But never allow yourself to hate… You are more beautiful and special than anything hate can offer…

I know you’re a bit young, but maybe try some meditation? Or something to soothe yourself when you’re feeling bad. You can just sit or lie down, and then focus on your breathing. Feel what it feels like to simply breathe and be alive. That’s all you need to do.

So much love from my heart to yours. You are GORGEOUS, every single day!!!!

♥

This has been a salvation to find. I’ve been dealing with self-loathing for practically my whole life, starting from when I was in highschool to now. Currently, I’m in college seeking counseling alongside working towards a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing, but the internal scars I carry from abusing myself so harshly are still fresh in my mind. It gives me peace to know that there is hope for someone as broken as me. I was the victim of bullying in high school for being autistic and generally quiet and my friends abandoned me because I had an aid and thought I couldn’t take care of myself. Now, I’m going to war with my inner conflicts and, with help from this article, will hopefully find self-appreciation and live the life I always wanted to live. There’s still a lingering fear in my mind though that I might never heal and eventually die alone, unloved, and a failure. Thank you, you’ve helped me find a reason to fight.

im a kid im in middle school I have 3 siblings im the 3rd kid im a girl and I have 2 brothers (9) and (15) and a sister (16) its funny all my siblings are like skinny and im not I mean im not gonna ever starve myself or anything but my 2 brothers gang up on me and call me fat and my parents don’t care, they barley do anything about it. I used to go to a private school up intill 5th grade and I switched to the public schools when I was 1n 6th grade for a “new” life, I was hoping to make friends and feel good about my self and it didn’t help. My dream is to join the army and my siblings or anybody does not know, I have tried to tell people but im fat and my parnents would say no and my siblings would say ur too fat. I cry myself to sleep, I don’t cut myself or anything but I have to stop myself from doing it because I don’t want to hurt myself. I thing I have a bit of adhd and anger management I have beat on my siblings when they make fun of me (just really by brothers) and normally its self defense my dad never does anything or when he does its just not right because he doent know whats goin on, my mom babys my little brother im often intoublr for getting into fights with him and he doesn’t even get talked to I mean im tired of it I really hate my home life and I Harley have any friends I mean ya I got a few but I always feel left i guess thts normal but it happens everyday at school and at home my dad for got me at a bathroom once i mean im the kid whos normally forgotten and im tired of it im bout to cry now, at home my siblings do thir things and when its all said and done im at home. i chose to stay at home because i like being alone i like to think out loud with out being judged and if i went with my siblings id make a fool out of my self i really somes do hate myself. i mean i fell asleep on the couch and my little brother woke me up playing his clarinet and he had a devilsh smile on his face. of corse who got in trouble for getting in a fight… ME i try to tell my mom she wont listin to me i think she hates me and at school i try to make friends but i fell light headed i want to just hide under a desk and fall asleep sometimes i think i have social anxiety but my mom wont care my mom wont even take me to get new glasses that are payed for im 3 months over due with the glasses i cant even see well with my current ones on and my mom don’t care and i cant even do things i want because my siblings get to do other things and i just want to punch something o get my anger out, i asked my mom to get me a kid punching bag she wont istin i wouldn’t even get in as many fights if it weren’t for her. am i right about this please reply

Hey I’m Yune.
I’m 18. I’m the first children in our family and since my childhood my parents fought each others and my dad cheated on my mom but they ‘re still together. My dad is on business trip and we all know he still cheats on my mom. And he doesn’t care his children, us .That makes me want care from other people. My mom cares me but she can’t care me as much as i want. And then i got gf . Unfortunately , my gf has heart disease and we’re far away , we can only text . I give my all love to her, but it seems she doesn’t know. Then we broke up at the end. But i still feel it’s all my faults for our break up. And there is also my dad’s problem cheating on my mom . I really don’t know what to do. It’s really stress me out. I cry almost everyday. I afraid to believe in people again. Can you advise me ? Please .

I didn’t mean in a bad way in my last comment it was good to read this and realize that. So really THANK YOU!!!!

I’ve read most of your stories, and I hope all of you guys can someday find the inner peace you deserve x
I’ve never shared my feelings with anyone, even though they’ve plagued me for some years now, though admittedly they’ve intensified the past few months.

I am about 4 stone over weight, which would be about 56 pounds, and my dad never fails to point this out to me.
I’m successful in every other aspect of my life, I graduated a great college, and am working at my dream job, but to him all of this means nothing given my weight.
I know to a certain extent this is my fault. I have not lost this weight despite the blatant need to do so, and even I can’t understand why that is. A work in progress I guess.
But my dads constant criticism is hollowing me out inside.
I spend the vast majority of my time in his company sucking up to him in the hope that he will not mention my weight, and begin is tirade of abusive rhetoric. He has on numerous occasions mentioned he is ashamed to have members of his side of the family see me, and he says he hates hugging me because he can feel my fat.
Recently he has scaled up his criticism to include my skin/complexion, my general odour, and my mannerism as a whole. I work very hard and I am a cleanly person. All these criticisms are breaking my heart, and leaving me in a constant state of anxiousness. I am never comfortable. I often wish myself away from family home, and back at my desk in work because it is one of the only places I feel accepted, and even there I am constantly on edge. Does my breath smell, does my skin smell, is this top hugging me too tightly and can everyone see my fat?
It’s begun to creep into self doubt when I speak to people. When I make a remark I instantly feel as if it was a stupid thing to say. When interacting with a set group of people such as colleagues, I am constantly feeling as if I am the disliked one.
I needed to get this all off my chest, because in two days time it’s Christmas, and my 21st birthday and yet I have never felt so unhappy and alone.

I feel like because I was beat daily and my step mother reminded me daily thay noone liked me and I was stupid. Im 36 now and I cant trust or really like anyone I guess ill feel this way forever a complete waste of life.

Hi..I am from India….I am completely shattered and needs an expert advice.I prepare well for an examination and is failed.I was sure that i had done well…now i lost all my self confidence.nd thinks that i am not anymore capable to prepare for it again.I want to become a researcher.Normally i dont talk much to people about my problems, thinking that they are not interested in listening..Plz HELP ME….

Heyy shabx here! I wanted to share my feelings wid some one Although I have friends but they r nt of my type so can’t share wid em . I am 20 doing law I chosed this profession no one forced me but I am not putting any efforts to succeed I dnt know why my parents r supporting me although I have been a failure in my lyf they still r investing so much on my studies but em not being able to give them good in return although law is my passion :/ secondly, I have fallen in love wid someone n my parents told me bfre that we want our daughter to be modest nt being involve in these things but despite this I have fallen in love wid someone. I wana marry him n he also have same proffession as my father my prob is I dnt wana hurt my parents plus wana marry him I hate my self cuz I em disobeying em wht should I do :'(

i am so glad i found this artical it changed my life

Its not that we hate ourselves – its that we don’t love ourselves
Never could hit the mark in life, The mark we set for ourself

I am black darks inn iam always being told I am pretty or used to I am senior in college I’ve always loved my self in tell recently .every one in my fa ilybis mixed with native American by there mom and dad so there all light skin except for me and there all so beautiful especially my mom she is half black and half native american she is beautiful she looks like a model and has thick curly hair and look Caribbean or Mexican or Spanish so does the rest of my family the only trait I think got from my mom is her big lips and thick curly long hair .but last year I got braid and cut them all out so I cut it .some peaces at my hut butt other and my shoulder ear it booked harabel so I went to saloon and they cut it to my shoulder it look bad on me because I have a big head and big forehead so I look dumb and where I live I not fromiam from Wyoming but grew up in Austin Texas so I already look different plus I have chines eyes is to me it looks wrong I hate my self couldn’t tell my family because all they’ll say is your beautiful skin don’t mater its what’s in the inside that counts I sound so ignerent but this is how I feel just changed school from unform to regular and where I go to school at matters on on clothes u haveow u free so am a loner well take that back I be a lot of friend but all Mexican and few black but it seems like the black popular girls don’t like me because I’m not get to or don’t have every single pair of Jordan and so I guess by now u know on not a senior in collage I’m a senior in high school its sucks and my mom is a single mom and works allot so don’t wanna put all my stress on Herr I just fells like there’s no one who knows my pain

In my mid forties and still hating everything about myself. Too tall, overweight, not beautiful , no talents and not really good at anything. Just feel like I am the perfect example of what not to do. The only thing that I did right was not having children. I saved them the hassle from looking like me & i did not nosedive into poverty. Somehow i value myself by numbers, my net-worth is always too low. I am. 2 standard deviations taller than average. BMi needs to go way down. I just can’t understand what my husband sees in me.

I tried so hard to make something of my life but got nowhere. I spend my roaring twenties in prostitution .those were the best days of my life. I always tried to learn something , took bookkeeping classes and moved on to normal office jobs. Greener pastures were found outside of Europe, i got a student visa for a school in a rural area overseeas and married my fantastic husband
I am now feeling stuck in the wrong carreer , i am always working and not getting anywhere. I am trying to start my own business, but it is a battle, just like keeping my weight down. Looking forward ,dark clouds are on the horizon, with an aging husband( he is 22 years older than me) a 95 year old mother in law that is having alzheimer, an 85 year old dad with health issues and an 87 year old boss, all needing my care and assistance.Not sure how I am going to get through this and still come out broke. Dad, mil and boss are all very demanding and just feel trapped and out of ideas to make life better.

Hi i am anil, I have been through lots of ups and downs in my life. i lost my parents a year and half back in an accident. I am short heighted person. I was bullied during my school days but last 2 years of my school life was amazing as i changed my school. Later i shifted to another city for my college and found it difficult to adjust initially. When i got adjusted it was late because i couldn’t make many good friends (More so because i was rude and arrogant). Now 3 years college i still have that fear that my old school mates & my college mates think i am a looser. I have started feeling what if i go to another company (Right now i am happily working in a company where everyone acknowledges me) where whatever had happened to me in the past happens again. Please help me. It keeps making me depressed.

I hate myself when i saw my mother, because the longer i being at home, the more i realised that i have her character. My mother is a self centered woman who wanted to be loved and need attention all the time. Everyday I hear her nagging all the time, about how her body is not well, ask my father to massage her, about how much house work she should do everyday, and the worst is when she asked me why i am always looked sad when i am around her.

my father looked like he is exhausted all the time, of course because of mom. And i am being the same as her. I always nag to my boyfriend, want him to be always beside me, always complain Just like my mother.

That’s why i hate my mother and i hate myslef more. I cannot be happy around her, because i feel like seeing the copy of me.

I want my boyfriend to have a good wive, i have a thought about breakup with him, he deserve better. And me? Maybe i will just fine and not married.

that has happened to me befor:( its sad being in that predicament.it scars you for your whole life. people dont understand how ur childhood makes you who you are. when i was younger i was touched by some one my family and they use to tell me im not all that. your just alright. so all my i life been just alright. and i never credit my self. i always want more but i never have the motivation. you can tell me a everythings fine in my life but i never felt completely.

!!!

Thank you for your post, I feel less isolated somehow. 🙂

I feel like this all the time. I make so many mistakes and I hate myself for them. I say things I don’t mean and I hate that I say them and then I hate myself even more. I get called out for things I know are wrong and I snap and call their faults out too and I hate it. And I hate, hate and hate. Every little thing I do is stupid and wrong and I can’t ever say anything without contradicting myself or looking like an idiot which I want to believe I’m not. I have so much pride I don’t want to say or admit anything, but now I begin apologizing to people before I even talk because I know I’m such a pitiful excuse for a human being. I can’t ever shut my damn mouth and I hate myself because I can’t just be a quiet and nice person. I so afraid I’ll offend someone, or I’ll be rude and that makes me hate myself for doing those things. I just want to isolate myself from other people because I hate having to hear criticism and I don’t want to have to say anything rude or mean back. I hate being alone, but I hate being surrounded by people because I don’t know what to say that will be what I really think. My mouth just moves and I hate almost every word that comes out because I’m a failure and I don’t deserve to ruin someone else’s like.

I know what you mean. But I found the worst things that leave my mouth are almost always the worst ways I feel about myself. I criticise others for the things I hate in myself or when I hate myself. And I hate myself some more for doing so.

Being a mother now and dragging my daughters through the same shit my parents made me go through I feel so ashamed and unworthy of any admiration. Yet I can’t stand the criticism of others for it will only make me feel even more worthless. And there are things I like about myself. But it aren’t the things that really do matter in the end. But this constant feeling of never being good enough, I wish it would dissappear. I want to be the mother others are. Loving. Caring. And meeting the emotional needs of their children. I want to be the parent I wish I had. But I have no qlue how to. God how I wish I could heal myself and forgive. I wish the ones inflicting wouldn’t be hurt again so I can speak up and seak help. But I understand those who do. Cause at the same time I hate everyone for not standing up for me when things went wrong when I was younger. The only thing I feel I do right is aknowledgeing to my kids that I am wrong. But I know it wont heal all there wounds. I love them so much I just hope I can teach tgem to love themselfse. Even if I don’t love myself.

as a kid this was happening to me. problem is that even as a seven year old i decided to change and manipulate myself and act and do crazy things to rationalize or stop what was happening, all of which resulted in me doing stupid embarrassing things everyday of my childhood. now i try to forget all the stupid stuff i did as a kid, but the feeling i got when i realized what i had been doing, the self loathing and disgust that i knew other people had felt and now i did, that feeling keeps sticking around. and its still happening. im still unintentionally doing stupid things. and everyone who can is still ignoring me, or laughing at me, or shoving me. people may be assholes, but im pretty much the worst asshole, because i messed myself up on purpose by changing who i was to try to appeal to everyone, and being louder so people would have to listen. now i here and i despise myself so much, and guess what? on top of that everyone is still doing the same things to me they did when i was a kid. day after day its like being suffocated by the fact that no one around you wants to notice you, and even you want to shun yourself and pick yourself last. i feel so old inside. my life hasnt even started and i feel closer to death than i should want to. im not even eighteen yet. and although i can dislike and become annoyed with others so easily, i have a respect and a fondness for them. cus they arent me. lucky bastards.

Sometimes I blame myself, I think I’m selfish and lazy. And at 27 I just realized that I hate myself. It’s not something about my looks or about the way people look at me.
It’s about myself as a person.
My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mother took me with her.
My father was a drunk and stayed with his parents, they had a farm in the countryside and as a kid I always had great summers there. I remember my grandmother telling me fairytales before I go to sleep and my grandfather working all day EVERY day so we can have food. They both were hard workers, our country was poor.
Today I had a memory how 7 years ago when my grandparents died I didn’t even went to the funeral because of some stupid excuse. And till this day I have visited their grave just once.
During their last years I visited them only to ask for money and never helped them with anything.
WHO DOES THAT??? I am a horrible person and just realized it… so many year later.
I think I am becoming like my father although I don’t get drunk every night and don’t beat my parents, in fact I’m a peaceful person and have never hit a woman or an old man. But everything else about me reminds me of my father – I don’t have a job although I make money by gambling, I live with my other grandparents and they’re paying the bills.
I never open myself to other people, even family. I never told my grandparents that I love them but I do, I miss them so much and I hate myself for not looking after them.
I don’t remember when was the last time when I said my mother that I love her and I rarely talk to her. Also it’s been 6 years since I haven’t talked to my father.
I don’t see my future and this doesn’t seem to bother me at all.
I usually chase stupid and unworthy things in life.
When I meet a girl(even if she happens to be a bitch) I give myself 100% into the relationship although I have no desire to create a family because I don’t want to have unhappy children.
I love sports and healthy lifestyle, good food, think those are the only positive things in my life, but stopped it after I broke with my last girlfriend half a year ago.
So this is me, I don’t know if somebody will read this but it made me feel a little bit better now after I wrote it.

And if you read this, excuse my bad english.

If you say some of your ways of thinking are crazy, how can you be sure that your able to tell which ones arent crazy?

Hi all, judging by the comments it is clear that self hate/depression comes in all shapes and sizes, I am no different.. struggling with deep seated issues precipitated by earlier events.

I have no right to tell anyone how to live their life or what strategies to adopt in order to improve your situation. I will say this ..your thoughts are the most powerful thing , external factors/experiences have no bearing on you but your beliefs about those factors/events do , the sooner you attach less significance/credence to negative or positive thoughts the sooner peace and fulfillment will come your way.

I say this because for a long while I had goal, it was personal it was ambitious , it is everything that many if not all bright students aspire to be but few make it all the way.

After copious amounts of hard work/disappointments and sacrifice/obstacles I have achieved this goal and what makes it more shocking is that I did it with a significant disability, a disability that puts my endeavour deep in the realm of statistical improbability.

I should be happy right? Proud ?elated? I should have no reason to hate myself or feel like a failure/disgrace right ?, Wrong!

This is not a story about following your dreams and having unwavering self belief, this is a story about how devoting much energy to your thoughts can rob you of your creativity/critical thinking and lead you into a spiral of self destruction.

Whatever your hopes dreams and wants .You can obtain them all but.they will never bring you peace/fulfilment if your thoughts (negative or positive) regarding yourself are not ignored.

You may not be in control of what thoughts float around in your mind but YOU do have power over what thoughts(true or false)you choose to believe

Whatever thoughts you CHOOSE to believe will dictate how you feel in the long run

All the best

Hey champ –

My story is very similar to yours. I have spent fourty years trying to ‘work through’ these issues.

Google ‘divine truth’ as taught by AJ Miller.

This man has all the answers you seek and can tell you ‘EXACTLY’! how to work through this stuff.

I have worked through more in twelve months than I have in thirty years following the divine truth teachings.

Truly, its absolutely amazing.

Love to you all xo

I have been bullied most of the time, people would be talking behind my back as if I was blind but I actually know that they were talking behind my back.Every single time I go to school I would see some girls giggling when I walk near them.I’m a very quiet person I don’t care about other peoples business, if they need help im always there for them but when I need someone no one is there for me and one day I question myself why are people always so mean talking behind my back as if I wasn’t there.After a few minutes later a voice comes out in my mind telling me that i’m ugly and I should just die because im worthless sometimes I would accept that.I know some people would just yell at me like stop thinking about those things, but actually it doesn’t work like that im a very emotional person. Because of people talking behind me back and judging me I have not made a lot of friends and i don’t like meeting new people and now I feel numb.When I go to school I would hear people saying hi or hey to each other while im walking past everyone and as if I was invisible.It makes me feel sad. It feels like im locking myself from happiness and not accepting the fact that theres many different people out there.I feel alot better when i’m at home and not outside.I don’t know what to do anymore I tired of this.Thanks for reading this I really appreciate it 🙂

Reading some of these comments struck a chord in me. Ever since I was young, it was perfection or failure. I’m a 25 year old guy and my mother told me for the entirety of my puberty (plus some extra before and after) that I was fat and needed to exercise more and eat less. I was very slightly chubby (according to several friends that I’ve maintained contact with). This went to the extent that I would work out for several hours a day (marching band, JROTC, weight training class and then after school job) but I was always chubby; I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just my body type. Eventually I got a job moving several tons of metal consistently (cart pushing at a very busy grocery store) and she stopped. I then shattered my ankle and gained all the weight back and she still references the cart pushing time as “you were starting to look good too.” I’m tall, strong, broad-shouldered, handsome, intelligent, caring and none of that matters because I have extra fat on my body. It’s all true now, I’m fat and worthless (how I feel even though I know I’m probably wrong). All the medical and mental issues that arose from shattering my ankle certainly don’t help either.

Great article. I feel alot of the same exact thing as in it. One of the most difficult things to understand for me were the self destructive feelings. After I started to notice that most if not all of the relationships in my life were becoming strained my first thoughts weren’t to mend them and put in the effort to fix them but the exact opposite. A nagging voice in my head was there saying they want you to push farther, strain the relationship even more. At times I even would catch myself telling blatent lies for no other reason I can accept other than wanting to make people hate me. For some reason it seemed the only way to stop the constant uncertainty in my mind of whether or not I should take their words as truth. Sometimes I admit I was actually hoping I would be able to become my old self but it seemed death was my only resolve. I have always considered relationships as one of if not the most important aspects of my life. This was actually were the problem was originated at. I had let myself become so consumed with the question of peoples motives it drove my mind into circles and changed my thinking. Over time as I realized what people think about me is much much further down on the list than I ever realized and that everyone has their own problems in life I realized the main problem. They weren’t coming at me wrong or against me in anyway at all like I feared so much, they simply had given me all of the time and effort they possibly could and then some without me adding myself onto their own weight in this world. They had been doing what they were supposed to the entire time and I was so backwards and selfish I took it and turned it into my own delusions and pschycosis. I made my worse fears become true and have no one but myself to blaim. I still can’t fully understand it.

all you peoples’ stories make me realise I’m not alone.
thnx for sharing

Hi,
I recently came across your article and it answered a few of the questions of why I hate myself so much. As a kid I was raised by my single mom who honestly I think as an adult now has narcissistic tendencies. I was always told as a kid I was nothing and I will always be nothing. I was verbally and physically abuse as a child by my mom who eventually kicked me out at 17 because I was competition in her eyes when it came down to her new husband. When I lived on my own I dealt with sever depression for many years I finished college and had 2 children as someone who succeeded in things she never thought she would I still hate myself so much. I have cut off most of my friends and I am always angry I know I have things to change but it seems so hard at this point to stop hearing my mom’s comment in my conscience . After years of therapy I thought it would get better and it has when it comes to depression but anger and self hate has become my handicap and I really find it hard to move on from it. I do make sure that my kids never hear such negative things from their mom. But I still feel like that little girl inside me has not healed at all. Thank’s for the insightful article I will try to begin to tell myself that I need to change . Just at this point I am so lonely …

Is this working?

This was a great educational post. It’s helped me understand that it is not just me and it can happen to anyone. This post is also reassuring of the fact that it is possible to overcome self-defeating thoughts. Thank you.

Hello, my name is Payton, I just recently looked up why do I hate myself and saw this wonderful and helping website. Well here’s my story. 8 years old of age my parents broke up and got a divorce. About 12 years of dating and 3 years of marriage was ended because my mom didn’t want to live a life of an abusive and sickening husband. Like all children at a young age they blame themselfes. Unlike most kids I didn’t. I blamed others for the reason because I didn’t want to even think of what I could have done. I lost control of my self and never ever made friends, talked to anyone, or even wave to someone. I sat there as a lonley person blaming the world. My dad forced me to do this I didn’t want to. At age 9 he forced me to work almost 24/7 at a lawn cutting business, I was never paid till age 13. While working with him he yelled, screamed, calling me stupid, r*******, and homosexual. He’s hit me with objects( including a weed whacker). He’s told all his friends that I like touching guys, and I Jack off in my room everyday( which I don’t)….
Freshman year of hig school i don’t talk to people, I don’t make friends, and I absolutely don’t even look at anyone higher then their shoulders. Recently a girl forced me to talk to her and even look at her. As soon as she did these i fell in love. I dated her….
I thought dating her my dad would stop calling me gay but it only got worst. He started calling her a slut, and a guy and the reason why I loved her was because I am gay…. 6 days ago I got my driver’s license and my dad yelled threw a phone at me, disowned me, told me I am his biggest mistake of his entire life. My girlfriend had a ex bf kiss her to get back at me for being to good at basketball. And she pushed him away but he didn’t. So I broke up with her trying to get away from what happened but all I saw was her so I went back. My dad on the other hand yelled at me, he told me over his phone if he saw me kiss her he would kill me, but I knew that was a lie. And now his girlfriend thinks she can talk to me the same way. I am now 16 and my life is shitty. I have bad grades because I get yelled at at home all night and have no time to do it. No one listens to me, I’m alone, I’m tires of being called a mistake by everyone. And all I do for others is make there life worse. There’s so much I want to say on here. But this, that I’ve told to the person reading this… this is only the beginning of what how worse my life is getting

Lately, my two best friends have been hanging out together and not with me. They’re popular and play sports while I have a heart condition and do nothing. Since i felt like i should do a sport to impress everyone, I tried out for volleyball. After the first day of tryouts i went home and cried because i hated it but i also wanted to do it just for the fact that my friends would see me as ‘cool’. I didn’t go back, and I’m feeling worse about it right now, in the summer.I just feel like I’m a loser because i never really do anything for the school and most of my friends DO do things for the school. I’m more of an antisocial person who likes to go home and play my piano or read a book or learn a new recipe instead of staying after for sports practice. This has gotten me really down this summer and my heart feels heavy constantly. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Hey. Im 15 years old and on the outside Im normal. My life seems normal. I have a brother a mom a dad… what else could I ask for??
Well… it all started when my parents got divorced. It wasn’t like my dad ever took a huge interest in me while my mom and him were married from the time I was born to about 3 or 4. I had always thought mama loves daddy and daddy loves her. Thats what I thought. When I was little and my brother was born fights between them became more occurent. They would scream at each other and throw their hands in the air. Lucky for me, my dad wasnt abusive so I never had to deal with that, but he was an alcoholic. I didnt know it at the time though. Anyways, years passed. I moved multiple times (8 to be exact for my whole life).
I was just one bubbly kid. I was talkative and really really social. But it seemed the more I moved the more that bubbliness went away. When I was about 10 or 9 I realized my dad was a bad alcoholic. My brother was only 8 or 7. He was too young to even understand. My mom was good at protecting us from things that would make us not so innocent tweens.
Anyways, my dad married this woman. She was… ok. She screamed at me a lot. She hated everything me and my brother did, especially me, even though she made it seem as if I was her favorite. She thought she could buy me with money. Haha. Yeah right. I look back and I would have hated her. I would have ran away or something, but… I was just 10.
My dad got into the habit of getting drunk so much my mom had to call off his every other weekends with us. He lost that privilege for a few months. My brother was still looking at my dad as a hero. I was the most hurt.
When he was drunk he would clutch me by the arms and cry asking if I loved him. I woul nod over and over scared what would happen if I said no. Then after he seemed to believe me he would lay in bed with me. I would smell the alcohol on him and his breath. I would start to cry. My step mom tried to keep him under control, but she just made things worse.
After my dad was able to get us back my mom started getting more into dating. All of her bfs didnt care about me or my brother. They would cheat on my mom or lose interest in her. At school I was being bullied for a lot of things like the way I looked and a bunch of other hateful things….
Well my dad divorced my step mom and things seemed ok… then my mom met this one guy. One guy who didnt do anything wrong to her, until they got married. He seemed fine when they were dating. He seemed chill and pretty cool. His kids were annoying and spoiled. But thats ok.
When they got married we moved from the one place I actually called home. I was in such a depressed state. I sobbed myself to sleep every night and often hated my life. I hated my new school. Everyone was snobs and so full of themselves. I only made one friend when I went there for a whole school year. No guys seemed to like me. I wasn’t popular or anything. This was the school year that everything in me broke. My personality was shattered. I had learned that if you stay in your shell you dont get hurt. If you block all feelings you’ll be ok.
My mom’s husband at the time was such a jerk. He cussed my mom out and flipped her off a lot in front of me and my brother and his kids. He didnt care about me or my brother. He hardly paid any attention to us. At Christmas that year he left. He took his kids and left. We were relieved that he was gone, but then our power quit working and my mom forgot to change the power bill to her name. It was still in her still legally married husband’s name. He hadn’t paid it so they cut it off. We had to stay with a friend all Christmas break until my mom got things settled. It was the worse Christmas of my life.
Then that summer we moved in my with my dad and his grandmother. Seemed we all needed a home. Then he started drinking again. He had gotten better at refusing to drink until we moved in with him. He often threatened to kill himself and he broke things. It made me scared and my mom couldn’t take it anymore after about two months. We moved back in with her friend until the school year started. Which was this school year. We had finally found a place to call our own.
Everything seemed fine. My neighbors were nice and the school was so much better.
Then I started liking this one guy…. he seemed nice and charming. I was in 7th grade so it wasn’t like I actually knew what a relationship was like. It was my first one. We did long distance. I knew him from one of my mom’s friends who married this guy. I was so… happy someone actually cared. We went on and off dating for 2 years. I thought I loved him… but I didnt. That 2nd year was my last straw. He wanted to do something for me.. he asked for one of my friend’s numbers he had met and I gave her number to him so they could discuss about what to do for me. A week, 2 weeks, then a month went by and it seemed as though he hardly texted me. I was obsessed with the fact that he was bending over backwards to do something nice for me. Then… my friend tells me he asked for nudes. And they dated while they *talked*. I was furious. It was never about me. My heart was broken. It hurt… a lot. And then I made the conclusion live didnt exist. It just didnt.
Suddenly it was like my mom wasn’t so close to me anymore. She was always at work and she just seemed always gone. And she wasnt off with dates. She gave up dating. Then… things got switched up about 4 months ago. I fell in love with one of my neighbors. We had an odd history. He liked me from the moment I moved here. The history is difficult and I dont feel like explaining it, though it makes for an awesome love story
Anyways, he was the only good thing about my life and still is. I tell him all the time that he’s lucky I even gave him a chance. My past life was full of men who cheated my mom and I out and.. I felt like as if as long as I stayed in my shell Id be ok. But then he broke it, and Im so happy he did
Then my mom came home with a man 2 months ago. He gave off an awful vibe… still does. He has a daughter who is annoying and bossy and she’s only 8! I immediately hated him. I never saiword to him. I just grunted. I told my mom my feelings about him and she just brushed me away. Thats how I know she doesnt care about me. They are still obnoxiously together and I hate it. He is way too nice and he gives my bf glares that Im not sure why. He acts like he’s my dad and he freaks me out. He calls me sweetheart and baby in texts. My mom says he’s just like that but I dont believe a word of it.
On top of that, my brother is a jerk. He Billie me every day calling me ugly and telling me how stupid I am. He is good with verbal abuse, me? Im ok at physical abuse with him. But Im easily wounded when he says hurtful things. Ive come to the conclusion he’s right. My bf is the only person who thinks Im hot and beautiful and pretty all at the same time
Im sorry you had to hear my life story XD but… I had to tell you to get to the point.

The point is, I think I feel this way because of how much neglection I’ve felt toward me. Mostly from any kind of male figure. It used to not bother me, but now I can’t stop thinking about it. Not too long ago I took a very accurate quiz. It was very specific and Im pretty sure I have cylothymia. Its a mild type of bipolar depression. I had all the symptoms. I havent told anyone but my bf and my bff. Sometimes Im not that sad. I just feel like not doing anything while other times I’m so deeply depressed I feel like dying. My bf doesnt want to see me hurt, so Im scared to talk to him about it. I hate seeing him hurt. It kills me. Im not sure who to talk to and honestly, Idc. Idc anymore. Sadness seems as if its normal in my life. Self hate also seems normal. I mean you see it everywhere. And plus, my mood swings arent all that bad. My depression goes away at tops a week. The minimum is a couple of hours. Idk. I dont think its worth talking about to my parents. But some days I put on a fake smile just to please people. I just… Im ok. I just needed to get all of it off of my chest. Thank goodness for the comment section

Dear Mick,
I felt that I really needed to reply you,You posted it on my birthday lol (btw, almost none of my friends texted me or anything like it, but I did when was their birthday. This made me really sad ). I know how you feel. My background story is kinda different, but I know exactly how it is to put a fake smile to please ppl. I don’t feel good about myself and I’m lost. I have a lot of problems that I can’t solve.I’m sorry, I can’t even find the best words to describe what is happening with me now lol. But I wish that you, I and everyone here gets better ps: you’re really good at writing, sorry for my poor vocabulary

Hello people ive been reading all your stories and replies and thought id add my problem to see what responses I get. Ok my names gary im 337yrs old and struggle to make it through every single day. Im totally rubbish with my young kiddies my parental skills are non exisant which hurts deep inside I think my partner deserves a medal for putting up with me!
I have no idea why I am like this? As a child I was shown love by being punched, kicked and beaten daily by my mother brother and whateverman she was with at the time, Iive had belts wood metal spoons slippers u name it I will of been beaten with it then at the age of 11yrs was hung out of a top story window by my throat and the guy made out like he was going to drop me!
The beatings continued until at 15yrs id had enough one night my mam launched a full out attack on the stairs punching me until her face was bright red hands bleeding I remember lokking up and calmly saying “whey that was fun lets do it again soon” I turned and went to my room the door came bursting open and she grabbed me, only this time I grabbed her by her throat and dared her to touch me ever again.
She threw me out after that was about a month before I was due to sit my gcses at school. I moved into a guest house with all the down n outs, heroin addicts, thieves u name it it was thrre until my gran found out n made me move in with her n ma grandad.
My mam continued to make life hell causing rows etc telling me I was a disgrace should of been aborted blah blah blah.
I went out and joined the army the next day for the next few years all was gud I was around people who were just like I was trained machines. Everything was always a laugh, I did tours of northern Ireland kosovo and one of thr first ops out in Afghanistan, I wont lie I witnessed sum horrendous shit that still haunts me now! Any jow I got medically retired for breaking my back in 2001 and that was it bye bye army hello civvy street.
Shock to the system is an understatement so I startrd drinking to try switch off in 2004 I got dun for drink driving so went home took every kind of pills I coulf find more drink n slit my wrists.
Got through that only to find my wife had been cheating on me so again got arrested for domestic violence and a possible gbh charge (ended up as a cautiin) split with the wife sold the house.
So where am I at now??? Well I have been with my long suffering partner for almost ten years we have 2 lovely children (that I cant bond with) ive been diagnosed with ptsd and an anti social personality disorder I just want to be able to enjoy my partner and family I just dont know how to? Am not looking for sympathy etc just a way to become normal because to be honest I dont enjoy anything anymore n I know its not fair on my family as they deserve better than me. Any thoughts apart from slitting my wrists again would be great thank you 🙂

Hi, I’m, Juliene. I’am already 19 and a 3rd year college student .this problem keeps on bothering me since I am an elementary student, specifically Grade 5. I feel like I’m so small that no one can see me or understand me. I feel so sad and I keep on skipping class or not to attend class for a week or two. I complain of sickness like migraine, dysmennorrhea or painful stomach to avoid class. My mom scolds me telling what’s wrong with me, I can’t answer her straight because I dont have confidence to tell her, thinking that I might be going crazy. so I just keep it to myself. My high school teachers punished me by making me suffer in my grades; threatening me a failing grade if I don’t attend class regularly, mocking me by telling an example which they relate to me as a “regular absentee”. Because of that, i struggled so much that I just wanted to die or disappear in the world completely. Then, after a year, I gained confidence by encouragements of my parents. i learned how to fight and gained confidence. I became a dean’s Lister for 2 years and was inspired by many people like my classmates, family, teachers and crushes. Then, 2 weeks ago, that was Sept. 19, 2016. I went to the cardiologist complaining a persistent chest pain, difficulty of breathing and lightheaded. After a few days, I went for a 2d Echo and was found that I have a mild Mitral Valve Prolapse and enlargement of the Left Atrium. I am so worried and was again, carried away. I have thought that my sickness went back again and i don’t know what to do or who i should talk to. It’s a difficult situation for me. Last week, i was absent again for a week because of my chest pain and tightness that I felt like it is already my end and now, i am so ashamed to go back to school. fearing they will laugh at me or just make me “small” again. Please help.

I still don’t get where this comes from. I get sneering glances and sassy remarks sometimes, but I’ve never been actively bullied, unless those super enthusiastic remarks about my dancing and chasing my crush were sarcastic and I just couldn’t tell. My parents aren’t abusive, they’ve always been super encouraging of me and never resort to violence. We’ve fallen on some hard times lately due to a pay reduction in my dad’s salary a couple years back and paying for my grandma in hospice and her subsequent funeral this past summer, but they’re just stressed. They mostly yell at each other, not really at my elder sister or me. I mean, my older sister actually acts responsibly and gets her homework done, so I get why they yell at her less. She has anxiety disorder, but still takes AP courses and gets all A’s, as well as attending an art school on the side and getting good grades in that. Even with all her homework, she still has time to pursue her own art, sell her works, and hang out with her friends constantly. She actually has friends that invite her to places. She works hard, she deserves those good grades and good friends and boyfriend. We may both be “gifted,” but I have Asperger’s and I’m manipulative and I never get my work done. I’m a freshman girl right now, and she’s a junior. She’s always had friends while I didn’t. It’s not for lack of trying though. I put myself out there. I like to dance and tell jokes. Yet I’ll still be the one person who doesn’t get invited to Isaac’s halloween party. Because I’m a total creep who doesn’t care enough to try in my schoolwork anymore. I’m an emo loser who sulks too much and is drowning in self-pity. I bring everyone down. I’m like a goth girl that, instead of black, wears garish yellow leather and sparkly gold pants, with spraypainted tshirts and white lipstick. I’m the weird girl. I don’t mind being different. Different is inevitable. I mind being a buzzkill.

Hi Rose Im Alaysia just to let I feel the same way

This title applies to me for sure. I wish I could even read it right now but I honestly can’t even work up the focus to do more than just this.

This didnt help at all. Another clichê post about self esteem, no real advice, thanks a lot

nice too know we arent alone

I am Michael Siegler.
I am 16 years old now and I’m in my second year at high school. I have suffered depression since I was 12.
Mostly because I was critisized by my sister a lot. Just recently I took 2 quizes on two different websites on the same subject: “Am I a Loser?”
On both of these quizes, I got a result that I am indeed a loser. One of these results was a bit humiliating.
It says things like “I’d rather marry a hobo than a loser like you! You are a stupid bitch!”
How can anyone get away with this? Imagine if someone happened got this as a result. That must be soul-crushing. I was also made fun of by a few people. Mostly because of these:
1.I am gay
2.I am a “furrfag”(Not sure if that’s a insult or not though.)
3.I was born with autism
4.I get into other peoples business

i hate being different, i dont have anything in common with anyone, no one understands you, i wish we were all the same, everyone would understand and relate to each other more

am a twenty yr old boy,, right from time I can’t stay or look at a girl without feeling sexually motivated, then I thought maybe its because I wasn’t matured,, but uptil now that am twenty am still facing the same thing…. in the sens that I can’t look or stay with a girl in private… and that have caused me to loose many of my female best friends ,, and Alps had made me feel am different from others,,……
pls I seriously need your help..

Hello! I am from India. I am 20 year old girl and since my 11th standard i have been constantly put down by my friends. Specially one girl who was a bitch. I lost my bestie for her as she became friends with her and then my bestie became against me too and started hating me. I dont know why I let her do all that and not say anything. I also fell in love with a guy whom i knew for 6 years but he too made me feel down and my Mom also didnt like him. So we broke up which really hurt me. I thought of consulting a doctor but my Mom dint want me to. Prior to that I was a very talkative and cheerful child. I had many friends and never felt that I am weaker than them. But later on I started performing poorer in my academics. And therfore nobody liked me and avoided me and I was ignored always. My negetive is that I am too slow. I prefer doing things perfectly which did not work for the exams. I do study but can never compleate my paper. Now I become tensed very easily although I do not to show it and cannot do even what I believed I can. Now I study in college for my degree course. Now things are worse. I cannot compleate my papers although I know all the answers. So my friends also think that I am a poor student who does not study and therefore I am ignored. I also have family problems. My dad is divorced. My Mom helps me a lot in every step and she loves me very much and I always feel like I cannot give a return to her efforts or may be even in future I cannot make her happy. My grandmom is mentally ill and she behaves very rudely with me. I think this is the problem with me I hate myself. Although I believe I am not worthless. I love singing and wanted to be a singer but according to my family the system is so partial that they would not allow me to become what i want to be. I have tried many ways to make myself happy or forget about my past relationships but its of no use. A sense of fear grows upon me when I talk to people sometimes because I am afraid I will mess it up. But in general I am cheerful and I love to be with people who dont think i am worthless. Please tell me how I can overcome this and be upto my mother’s expectations.

Welp I totally understand this predicament. Of course it’s not as easy as the words say and I’m probably gunna go my whole life feeling this way. Sigh. It’s odd how at least the first 10 people on the comments were female. It makes me even more weird and hate myself even more that I’m a guy and supposedly generally more females have these self-hate problems…

You’re not the stubborn one.
Maybe he also has dreams. You can talk about them and maybe act together to help each other instead of trying to fight each other or be unhappy.

hi there 🙂 I’m not an expert in psychology, I’m only 22 years and I can’t even speak English properly but here’s what I think: it’s not easy (it’s really difficult actually) for those who had a hard time in their childhood to grow up without issues. so, first of all, it is normal and ok that you have those issues. you recognize them and want to fight them for your family and that’s more than what most people would do in your place. find profissional help to treat your problems or at least to teach you how to live with them. think about your past experiences deeply and talk about them with this professional, and after you give this time and attention to your past, decide within yourself that it’s over. you know your history, you know what made you suffer, but now it’s all over and you have the opportunity to live a quiet life with your family and build a future completely different from what you have known as a young boy. decide that you are going to make an effort to let go of your past and invest in a new and amazing life. you don’t need to be a perfect partner or dad. just be a simple partner and dad, don’t ever be aggressive and smile and help whenever you can. no need for huge love demonstrations, kisses and afternoons bonding with your children. just be there, quiet and peaceful. put on a movie your kids like, buy them a new game, leave a note wishing your partner a good day. you don’t have to say things you are not prepared to say, show your love in a different way, no need to get too close or to be like in the movies. so what you can, find ways around your demons to express your love for your family. good luck 🙂

I don’t feel like i can stop hating my-self. It’s not a sense of unworthiness, but real hate. Always lived in fear and despair. The sense of being an intruder made me to seek isolation. I’m terrible at human relationships, although i give all i have and unconditionally in almost everything. despite having a good job (doctor) and decent people around me, i hate myself. let along a really low self-esteem. Why did GOD gave us souls? if we had no soul, we would not suffer. Why? i dont know if i can keep up like this. i will try, but this kind of life has too much burden. i’m worthless.

I am currently feeling this way. I’m 22 years old and I’ve been suffering on/off with depression for about 10 years. I haven’t had the perfect life and I’ve been through shit but overall I have a good life, I have a loving family, a good home and so whenever I get these feelings of wanting to just give everything up I feel guilty. I know that their are people out there that go through bullshit everyday and have had a horrible life and I’m here complaining that I’m sad.. it just makes me feel even more shit about myself. I have a problem with letting my emotions take over and it get so intense, I then start having negative thoughts and I just end up in this sad and lonely place, feeling isolated, weak and worthless.

this made me hate myself even more because none of this worked

I don’t know why but nowadays I just keep falling back into a cycle of self-criticism. Almost everything I do leads to this. It probably started when I did badly on my midterm.. it was the first midterm I did which received such a bad grade.. I’m usually a straight A student and.. I can’t say this anymore. I guess I lost my sense of self.. what am I if I can’t do well in my bachelors degree of university? To think that I even harbour this dream to make it to PhD and conduct my research after that? What a joke.. Idk.. I feel terrible. After that midterm, I think things just went downhill from there.. my confidence dropped, and ability to focus also dropped. I’m currently a research assistant under the mentor-ship of my professor but I feel like.. I don’t deserve this and that he probably made a mistake in asking me to be his Research Assistant. I hate how I’m thinking but it’s hard to stop it. This lack of self-confidence is really eating away into how I present myself and my thoughts.. whenever I meet my professor to discuss projects, I hear myself stammering away and even if I give feedback which my professor likes, I find it difficult to even accept praise or acknowledge what I did to be good.. I always find something to criticize about.. I hate this. I’ll eventually get better but I’m just putting this out there cause I need to let out these toxic thoughts even if it is just a moment.

Sayantani, I have never related to someone so much. I also have a passion for music, and want to be a singer when I grow up. But no one supports me. Not even the people closest to me, or my family. “You act as if you’re a know-it-all and will be making music. You’ll make your home broke.” “You can’t even sing.” “Who would want to hire you?” If your mother loves you a lot, and helps you a lot, I think she will be supportive of you, and just wants you to do your best and be happy. As for the rest of your family, I don’t think you should listen to them. They will only drag you down. Keep your passion for music, find more musical artists who you love and inspire you. Listen to them as much as you can. Sing as much as you can. If you really have a burning passion for singing and KNOW you have to be a singer when you grow up, do everything that you can to keep that passion, to make sure you will be successful when you reach that dream. Don’t let ANYTHING drag you down, and do not doubt yourself. Put all your faith in yourself and what you believe in.
Best of luck from one music lover to another <3

Don’t give up just yet,you may think that the world is cruel to you,but there are also good things that is in this world ,so find your hope,that could heal your wounds.It could be anything ..because everybody has their problems that might be even worse than what you are experiencing right now.I think i’m talking like i don’t hate myself right now,but reading all those comments.. i’m currently shocked that there are so many people hate themselves .Well,i suppose searching for hope is not that easy ,or probably useless.. But still,i hope you guys would live a happy live.

I’m kind of sad all the time because I feel like I’m not good enough for a relationship. What should I do?

It’s never going to be better. Every time I make some progress with self-esteem my mother brings me down, makes me feel incompetent, stupid. She doesn’t even want to, and I hate her more for it. Because she’s not kind and considerate to me. She has this extremely stupid idea that because I’m her daughter, she can talk to me with no filter. She doesn’t hold her “punches”. She thinks that I should reward her for her awful life. I wish I wouldn’t have to talk to her. It’s not my fault she was dumb, blind and naive and married into a horrible family. Well I was born into that family thanks to her and stayed there because she was damn afraid to make her life better. I was made to feel like nothing, humiliated, psychologically abused by the bitch of my paternal grandmother. And my mom was blind to it all, always focused on survival. She thinks I should just take it and forgive her again and again and again. I hate her and I hate myself because I pity her and can’t cut my ties with her because it would destroy her. She’s THAT much focused on me. I wish she’d jave a damn life and leave me alone or at least have some fucking control over herself. I’m a human being too dammit. I’m not made out of iron.

Hello, Rose. I am also a 13 year old girl (though you are at this time 16) but I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this. I personally know that I am not medically overweight, but I do understand how it feels to dislike yourself . I’m sorry for what you are going through. It’s disgusting to think that your own parents are treating you this way. The sad truth about the world is that we are constantly saying to do certain things, yet no one actually follows them. Take for example the phrase “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover”. Everyone knows that judgement based on appearance is incorrect in general, however everyone does it. I’m sorry people don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I don’t know you personally, but I can assume that you are a strong, kind person, especially after undergoing this hate. Don’t listen to what they say, you can prove to them that you are worthy of being loved. And by the way, starving yourself is not the answer. I’m no doctor, but I know that doing so will cause your body to break down its own muscles for protein, as fat is not enough nutrients. This is especially harmful because your heart is a muscle, putting you at risk for heart attacks and other conditions. In addition to this, it’s likely not your fault that you’re overweight. Other medical conditions can cause this, not just overeating. Sometimes it is hard to feel like there are other people out there who are suffering to the extent you are, but trust me, you are not the only one. I personally struggle with insecurities about my worth, simply because of who I am. I’m not particularly talented at anything. My only strengths seem to be my mind and my heart. In addition, I’m rarely if ever confident in my appearance. I also have other personal insecurities related to this that I haven’t shared to anyone. However I can never imagine what it must be like to be treated the way you’re being treated, and I’m sorry you have to go through this. Just know that this will come to an end eventually if it hasn’t already. Good luck.

I have low self esteem. I sometimes get to the point where i think i’ll never have any friends and i might end up lonely because i’m so ugly. I was naturally born with dark hair ( I know i’m not the only one) but it has lowered my self esteem so badly. Many people make fun of it and i try removing it and i hate shaving it takes so much time and it makes me feel like i’m the only girl who has to do this. I’ve spent the last few nights wondering why i had this i hate my dark hair and it makes me feel like i’m really ugly and I’ve really lost a lot of my self esteem through that and bullying. I’m currently still getting made fun of for it so i continued shaving. It gets so annoying because i feel like i’m the only girl who has to deal with this and i see other girl wearing short sleeves not having a care in the world when i’m over here struggling and finding it even comfortable to wear shorts in front of other people, not only that but every time i wear pants or any type of shorts i feel fat and that i have big thighs even though i’m not fat and i actually am normal but it makes me feel bad about myself and many people may not have noticed but i just want nobody to notice its there. I’m sure this may sound stupid to some people but i just wanted to share it online because i can’t even share this with my own best friend because i feel so uncomfortable talking about this to her. This is my life and none of you know who i am so this is a way i can write out my feelings without being made fun of or getting embarrassed of because i know nobody that i know in real life will see this. I’ve always been a shy kid and i think that’s mostly because i’m not confident in myself. Almost a week ago i rejected a guy and partly it was because i was comparing my self to his ex’s and they are so pretty and i thought people will make fun of me and call me ugly if i were to date him because he has a lot of friends and is very popular in school (I also don’t like being the center of attention). He thinks i’m pretty and personally i don’t see it and i feel really bad for rejecting him because hes such a sweet guy but i’m just not confident enough with myself yet. This is really most of the details of why i have such low self esteem and i know you don’t know me but if you are going through the same or something similar to what i’m going through i wish you the best of luck.

Hi,
I’m just tired of living with fake personality of a hyperactive and cheerful person in front of everyone. I hate and berate myself to every extent possible. I can see how it’s affecting me and unable to do anything about it. I say to myself that bad things happen because I deserve them. I use crude sarcasm to hide my feelings. I kept joking about everything possible just to not let myself blur out my feelings infront of anyone. I just needed to take this out somewhere because it’s suffocating me now. I don’t know really what I’ll do. It’s just affecting me so much.

The voice therapy was really useful. It helped me to understand that that my failure as a human being is much deeper that the shallow and pathetic self-pitying negativity I have been expressing.

Do you feel at times like you’re living your life from a 3rd person p.o.v?

I love u baby it’s your husband i saw this and lost it I’m so sad please call me back

I do. Like I’m outside looking in. Everything around me seems lime I’m not in it. I dunno how to explain it. But it sux

LMAO u guys think you have it hard. Just trying being trans and see how it goes…u all have no idea what pain is

I have a question so at school, I used to date this guy freshman year we dated for a year and 3 months, then now imma junior it feels like people dislike me or they tell other people I say these things, then people dislike me. I had someone tell I talked about someone and I didn’t.. or someone said I abused guys…. I don’t know what to do? Like I’m alsays around my friends, and I never have hurt anyone..

I hate me

U have a good hart and are very brave and strong i can tell from your story .your doing a good job and you will be fit and in shape and skinny .but remember the kind of people that treated you soo baldly avoid those kind of people and fined people that can see your hart because they will help you not procasinate you you have a good hart and remember when u do get skinny please dont turn into one of those stuck up girls because they are the ones you cant trust

I am 40 years old , almost 41 and I have hated my self for my whole life..I hVE abused drugs since i was a kid altering my perception ,how I feel qand see life! I deal with one disaster right after the other, seems i never get a break…am i feeling sorry for myself??..My mother and father always drank and i always felt like i had to take care of my mother growing up..I was scared of my father but i had respect for him too..My mother burned our house down wheni was 12 yrs old.. .My dad passed of cancer when i was 18, then my sister , my best friend overdosed..a friend who was a brother to me over dosed..my 1st love overdosed..a girl that looked up to me and i cared about was burned alive in a car accident…i was hit head on by a 36 yr old woman who died that day..my feet were crushed, ankles broke and disconnected,broken tibias, jammed hips and broke collar bone…was in a wheelchair for 2 yrs, had to use my savings and retirement fund which was around 45,000 and at retirement i would have had over 150,000..maybe more..now i have nothing..behind on bills and struggle all the f***ing time..my mother passed away in 2013..that i am still not over or the lady who hit me… why did i live..why do i deserve to live and she didnt? she had 2 kids and a husband..i feel like people say why did that piece of sh*t live and she didnt..i dont like to say her name..i dont know why..i didnt contact the family after…they all hugged me the next day in intensive care..the pain was horrible..im on methadone maintenance and it blocks any narcotic from helping…i thought i would go crazy from the pain and sadness..its 7 yrs later and i still cant get over that..why??I abuse medication when i can..i have been in the methadone clinic for almost 11 yrs now..why? why cant i quit..i know in my heart if i quit i would go insane..i am going insane now because i cant escape my reality..my mind races constantly and thinking clearly is a thing of the past to me..normalcy is a myth and feeling happy is a faded memory!

I feel that way, too. I’ve struggled for years with substance use disorder, and it always comes back to the fact that I drink to calm myself. And then I loathe myself.

I have a compulsive inner-critic that destroys my self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy and other thought-focused techniques are difficult, laborious and I often give up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be rid of this self-hatred — it seems permanently ingrained in my day to day operation. I worry I will never overcome it’s detrimental effect on my life and the lives of those around me. My psychiatrist says I have to take courses in Mindful Self-Compassion in order to be happy and get relief. I also think support groups could be helpful. I often get tired of this work. I often wish I could end it. So does my critic. This has defined my life, especially my early twenties. I am 25. I haven’t had a significant other in five years. I barely hold a job. I barely graduated college and my experience there was lackluster. Mental health has killed my friends. One was an outspoken advocate for mental health awareness, acceptance, and action. I am dependent on my family for support. I fear I may never find a way to live my life in a fulfilled way. I fear I am passive and do not want anything enough to make the changes I need to be happy, to achieve them. I am stuck between a self-pitying, softboi and a victim of bipolar, childhood neglect, and a toxic, masculine culture. I am f***ed and I don’t know how/don’t want to unf*** myself, because I am tired. I have never written this out cohesively before. I’m grateful for the article and grateful for any responses.

Well, don’t know if this will help anyone, but I’ll give some specifics as to why I hate myself. In no particular order….Society, television, movies, magazines books, social media….you all hear “Oh he’s so short, I like taller guys” I’m 5’6 btw…..so how is that supposed to make someone feel? It’s like if you are not X height than you are not a real man.
Secondly…”Penis size matters, if he’s not this size, then he’s not a real man and I want nothing to do with him” Well I’ lucky if i’m a full 5″ fully erect. Unerect it’s like a frightened turtle…Ya know on Seinfeld “I was in the pool?!” Third …My hands are small — And you know how they got on Trump about that? Well, my hands are smaller. My feet are small. My teeth could be a little better in alignment and whiter. I’m mean and nasty and boring, no fun to be around. I’m a cynical downer…negative all the time wishing everyone gets their karma….I’m vengeful…I’m 47 almost 48 still live with mom….so all those statements…Dunno what to say more right now.

The first time I went on a diet, I was 12 years old and weighed 110 lbs. I remember only drinking a diet coke and and eating a bag of pretzels in one day. The first time I realized that I had BDD, it was after so many people told me I was crazy for trying to lose weight because I was already skinny. Yet I still call myself fat. I have a husband who loves me and thinks I am super sexy, yet I still see ugly. And here comes the icing on the cake: I have been trying to become a doctor for the past 3 years. I just took the MCAT for the 5th time, and I still didn’t score high enough. I have failed again, not just myself, but all of my family and friends who have supported me. I am 28 years old, and I want to have children so bad. But I promised myself I would become a doctor before that happens. I have always felt like the most unluckiest person in the world. I have “friends” but they either live far away or we are not truly close. I truly hate myself because I always try so hard but it doesn’t show. And now I am wondering how the world would be if I wasn’t in it

Hey . I can totally relate to that . And I’m 34. Still haven’t been able to get past a lot but the parent thing and family maki g u feel like just a unwanted presence in my mind anyway I get that and I’m sorry u feel that way too: least we aren’t alone . I randomly came across this page somehow think I’ll check it out more . Hard to talk to most . Thanks for sharing ??

So, the google search bar has become sort of my instant diary, I write down my thoughts, at least they don’t leave a mark. I HATE MYSELF, bang and this is the first article. I feel better reading and relating to others in these comments but to you Unlucky1, the MCAT does not have a limit right. Push yourself harder and try taking up other hobbies while you haven’t met your goal as in painting walls, being good at doing your own manicure hahaha or watching tons of Indian and Spanish thriller crimes (what a mix!). I also wish to have a baby by my age, 27, but I am in a lesbian relationship. My girlfriend pretended to be a man during our LDR of 2 years and I am still in love with the man she pretended to be, only HE does not exist. I know you hate yourself. You can hate yourself more when you’re already a doctor. Please don’t give up reaching your dream. We can loathe ourselves everyday just make any 1 dream come true… If your husband thinks you are sexy, he might be telling a bit truth. You are unlucky but not the most unlucky in the world. Someone else beat us up to that.

same for me but with watching videos all damn day… at the end of the day i hate myself to bits because i’m still a student and not studying at all has taken such a great toll on my grades. just 6 years ago i was a straight a student but since then when i discovered the joys of youtube, my addiction spiral has really declined my grades and now i’m flunking every subject. i tell myself that tomorrow is another day and i can start by quitting tomorrow and work in small steps to wean me off my dependence on the instant gratification of watching videos for dopamine but it never happens and the cycle just repeats with me hating myself more each day… this is my final high school year and if i continue down this path i’ll leave 12 years of education with no legitimate qualifications. i’m sick and tired of myself but not taking steps to deal with it, possibly because of my ego issues too (which i also hate myself for). i need to seek help but i’m not willing to do so and that’s pissing me off too. right now i’m just having an existential crisis and all fucked up inside hoping i find myself in a better place (emotionally) soon….

Honestly the only thing I truly hate about myself is that I have a small maybe average size penis. I’m tall and muscular and look good in the face and body, but it is not proportional to my physique at all. Couple that with noticeable balding and it’s an annoyance I’ll never be rid of. I know women love a thing that fills them up with ease and just hate that natural selection works against me. The kicker here is that I’m black and when I was a preadolescent I’d ask my pediatrician if there was something wrong with me or if I was a late bloomer because some of my class mates who were shorter than me and all lanky were hung like 6 -7 inches soft. We had open showers so everyone saw everyone’s junk and I remember being clowned for the irony of my predicament. It just sucks that because I’m black and tall and muscular there’s an expectation and I’ll say that part of that’s because of porn but still; why can’t I have a proportional sized member? In highschool all the girls would ask me to show them my hand outstretched and would all be like “he looks like he’d hurt in bed” all giggling. And this would bum me out because I know I wouldn’t measure up. It sucks.

I loathe myself! Unexplainable hate! I hate more than I love… God help me..

i wake up in the morning and usually i feel alright then go to work, after i start to wake up it’s when my brain starts concocting all the things wrong with me. i have an amazing gf who tries to help me through it, but mainly i feel like a burden to her and those around me. i never like to bother anyone, even know i’m thinking that i’ll be wasting someones time when they read this and if i am i sincerely apologize,

Silly!

Why do I have myself? My husband and I are emotionally disconnected. He has spurts of emotional and verbal abuse towards me and our kids. Almost like being by-polar but he says he is not. I call it the light switch effect. One moment we are getting along and the next, he is angry at everything, then after awhile, it is like nothing ever happened. I stay because I know it is a mental condition and pray that he will get help one day with this. Unfortunately, I hate myself for it. I know there is a better place for me out there. I also despise myself when we are getting along and he is not angry or abusive. He always ask for things and I feel like he is so selfish and doesn’t consider me, including my work schedule, taking care of the kids and the house. He asks and if I don’t do, then the light switch effect happens. So, I end up hating myself because I do what a wife is suppose to do but I don’t want to. I just want him to go away.

Bulls***. We learnt in early childhood to identify with our clueless, punishing parents. We internalised their voices, their view on us. And when we grow up we look at ourselves with their eyes, without knowing. So don ‘t let them fool you when they talk about your inner voice. It’s their voice.

The cure is Enlightenment… yes, freedom from the negative memory of the past and/or speculation about the future and wrongly acknowledging them as that which defines who you are and/or your identity.

That’s your false self. Example: Yes.. you felt the feelings that arose from the hurtful words from your abusive father. They made you feel small and unworthy at the time but worse than that, they created an identity… a person that permanently BELIEVED was unlovable and unworthy. Out of that painful experience a BELIEF and a permanent “self” was created.

The reason these occurrences have such an impact is because they usually come from the only people in our lives that give us feedback about who we are.. This is where LOVE is supposed to come from… and consequently the awareness that if we are loved, we’re worthy to feel the same love for ourselves.

This may be a short and simplistic take on what’s going on.. but as simplistic as it may be, this is at the very root of the early programming responsible for creating this false-self (or inner critic as referred in this article) that ends up supporting the beliefs that sabotages our existences in so many ways.

The path to liberation is when it is realized that these experiences and beliefs that we have been identifying with are just part of a story. We have identified and created a self with what the people and circumstances in our lives have taught us about ourselves. But is any of it true or the reality of who we really are?

That fact and the truth is that as cliché as this may sound you CAN and DO create your own reality. You’re not the hurtful feelings that arose from any experience at any time in the past. Nor whatever speculation you can come up with about the future. They are both false.

What you are is what you’re being right now, right here at this moment. In fact that’s what you have always been your whole life. Think about it for a moment… this is very powerful!

The moment you realize that any judgment you’ve made about yourself belongs to an experience that then became permanent in your mind (through memory) everything changes.

The real YOU lies beyond all of that.. the real YOU is fresh, right now. Ready to create the NEW you, whatever you decide that to be. You find LOVE sitting in silence with yourself. Without identification with the story of your past that ended up creating your false self.

You’re not any of that.. That all came and went and you can look at it (as the memory it is) and from a new perspective right now. You are right now here.. being the new you. In fact and regardless of what happened “good” or “bad” you were never any other way… it’s now the time to choose anew, to see the you beyond the story for as when you see this you are free.

You’ll realize that you are Love. That you were always this Love you seek. It was just in the shadows and under the veil of misunderstanding.

I feel so much hate for myself. I have anxiety really bad and pick at myself and hate my body more then anything in the world. Everyone sees me tell me I’m beautiful gorgeous pretty ever day but no one even cares that I F’n hate myself more then they could ever realize. I can’t help but feel like I’ll never be good enough for the man I’m seeing. I’ll always be afraid to be seen or known about. I just hate me .

i hate myself to the point i sometimes cry so hard i throw up. i feel so lost and alone and i’m so scared and don’t know what to do about it.

This month has been very terrible for me I feel like that I am not good enough for anybody, im a freshman and im currently just feeling depressed, my freinds dont care about my problems, the person i like probably doesnt even like me back because of how quiet i am around her. I try my hardest to be social but it never works, just last week i had so much hope because my crush’s freinds told me she likes me, and tmr is valentines, im gonna ask her out but she probably is gonna say no, i feel so stupid i just want sombody to slap me across my face to get my shit together like what am i supposed to do:(

This !! I feel exactly like this . I hate myself and how i look sooo so much and when i tell someone they thinkg im just seeking for attention or cant realise how pretty i am but i cant see it and it makes me so sad. They say its really stupid to feel like this over a situation so “unimportant” but it hurts soo so bad

Thank you very much we really appreciate this advice and guidance
the same thing is happening to me due to the thinking of where will I be in the next 5 years
Will I be able to make it one day all this attitude and thinking is pushing me by hating myself.
From Ghana

I quit a 13500 dollar a month job because of sudden anger, ego. Spur of the moment decision.
I have a self destructive streak, many times in many ways. Like some people hurt themselves or turn against themselves because they find it difficult to handle other people. Regretted within a day.

In case you dont believe the figure above i am an electrical engineer with 35 plus years of experience and was working in oil and gas in the middle east.

I wake up every single day hating myself and it is more than teo years now. What should have been a nice career ends up in self flagellation, . How different am I from an alcoholic in terms of after effects?

I have been alone for 99% of my life. I have a loving family and friends. But I have never really had intimate companionship. The one guy I let in needed me only to help him get through a tough time until in his words “found someone better”. He used me & I allowed it because I just wanted someone to love me in that way. I despise myself for letting this happen and I am still alone.

Hello I’m Connie I’m from Africa, I’m suffering also from being accused of overweight, I do work out alot I have a friend who’s skinny each time we go out Most of people do Call me a bouncer this really kills me inside I just feel no one likes me because I’m fat, Also my mom do tell Me I look old than her because I’m fat this kills me deep inside, I’m a Good person, I understand each and everyone around me but I always got negative comments
Others do tell me I’m treating my friend bad coz I’m fat 🙄🙄🙄 this kills me,, please advise me on this cuz I believe we are all born with different shapes…. thankyou

Hey! You’re not alone. I’m only 16, but I can relate with some of the things you’re talking about. I’m living with my over-controlling psychotic Baptist parents who hate me and verbally/emotionally abuse my all the time. It’s not just that they refuse to let me hang out with friends, or go to concerts, or just do normal teenager things. It’s that since I don’t believe in their religion, I’m a horrible person and I’m going to die and go to hell if I don’t come back to the Baptist ways. It’s always about how I’m never good enough. Plus my dad not only still emotionally abuses me and my mom, but he used to beat me when I was younger, and so I have six scars on my back from that bast*rd. To be honest, I despise him. He’s one of the biggest reasons I struggle with so much depression and self hatred. My life is sh*t because of what my parents have done to me. But I have to deal with it all right now until my school counselor can hopefully get me out and find somewhere else for me to live. So I know what it’s like to feel alone, depressed, and hopeless. I don’t want to just rant all about my problems but I do want you to know that you’re not alone in your struggles. You do matter and you can live a fufilling and happy life. I would suggest that maybe you find someone you can trust and talk to, whether that be a friend or a relative, and tell them what’s going on. One thing I’ve learned is that you can’t always do life completely alone. Everyone needs help. That’s why also you might want to consider a therapist or counselor? Right now my school guidance counselor is actually setting up meetings for me to see the clinical counselor to get help. It’s really hard to talk to people about your personal problems at first, but it’s worth it. It’s totally worth it. I don’t know you, but I do have faith in you as a person and believe that you can get through this. You’re stronger than you think you are. And I’m not just saying that to say it. I mean it. You are valuable and you matter. Just remember that this pain and heartache isn’t all there is and it won’t last forever. Happiness and love and hope will come.

Granted. Think the problem is harder on women but I have a similar problem. I hate the way I look. There is also not much I can change. I do regularly sports and everything but I am smaller than most girls, have a puss spot on my lip that never goes away, etc… I hate the way I look. I hate it even more because I really like this one girl that is like gorgeous and I can never do anything because I constantly feel insecure about the way I look. I really really hate myself and I tried getting out of this mentality but its harder said than done when most positive thinking therapists are good looking and tell u to love urself, like stfu, if I looked as good as u I’d probably love myself but no i don’t

My mom passed away on September 19 of 1988 due to kidney cancer . She used to tell me that I was sorry , low down and that I would never amount to anything while she was alive . Basically she was telling me was that I was worthless . Also , on the day my brother graduated from what was then , West Georgia College , I said to my dad that I would love to go to college . My dad replied , college , son you barely made it through highschool , there is no way that you could make it through college . So basically my dad told me that I was stupid . That’s why I hate my self .

I hate myself because how i am if you wonder why its because im ugly and have depression bipolar and anger issues im in grade 7 and i just got myself ground for 2 months yesterday because im a idiot and started a fist fight and every time i get grounded i feel like an even bigger idiot and more useless to the world

Hey it’s me prasad,
I don’t know what changed but since last 5 years getting more involved in office life i started myself in close group isolating myself, i don’t have much friends i used to have at one time, i think I’m useless and unworthy when i se others with friends and colleagues happily,
I’m so feeling alone and tired of life

I hate myself. I just can’t explain it because one time I think I’m doing OK and the next time I realize that I’m not. I’m so ugly, my face ,my body and everything. I’m so tired of everything

I hate myself. There is nothing else to it. Society has set a beauty standard for me and if I don’t fit it, where do I belong? If a woman doesn’t have the perfect height, weight and appearance, to some people she is ugly. She does not fit in.

Throughout this article I noticed it was referring to mainly adults, however in my case I am just a teenager, so why should I be worrying about how I look now? Easy, I feel that if I don’t appeal to people in general I will never be good enough, and nobody will ever want me. Social media has consumed an important piece of my life and turned it against me. When I see all those gorgeous girls my age with their perfect skin, face and bodies it makes me want to hide from the rest of the world. I wish I had never gotten myself involved with these platforms.

These articles attempt to list beneficial strategies and maybe they do work, but I lack motivation. When I walk around my house I carry a smile to hide my eternal pain from the rest of my family. I don’t want them to see my suffering. By doing this, I have nobody to talk to, I am forced to keep my feelings tucked away in my mind, but now they’re overflowing. I can’t keep it together much longer.

Anyways, if you did decided to read through my paragraphs I hope they reminded you that you’re not alone. All ages from kids to Adults face self-abasement or hatred. Inside and out.

When we suffer from PTSD &TBI, we push others away and isolate ourselves.

I hate myself. I don’t know why. I used to be so confident. Even when I try to shut it out I can’t move on. Everyone and everything around me is so perfect. Even the least perfect things are better than me.

yes my dear I do support you in your opinion me too 1day ago I feel like I hate my self my face my body I feel so sad I try to hide and not going out I feel so depressed I wrote an article in the magazine about why I hate my self and I found that my inner critic is the reason why I feel so sad these days that’s all I still sad but by writing this comment I feel happy because someone will hear me and feel my feelings thx you guys I hope u give me advices I ‘ll be very happy if u help me

I have not the strength nor the will to better myself. Save me. Someone, anyone… Please save me.

Hi i’m an over weight 11 year old and I get bullied and that is why i hate myself and my grades are c’s and i’m struggling both physically and mentally and I dont know what to do

thank you
Lauren

Please do not be so self-critical Lauren. I know I am just a stranger who stumbled upon your comment, but I truly care about you. You are so young, and to be thinking all of these hateful thoughts regarding your body is so upsetting. You do not deserve to feel this way. I am so sorry people treat you cruelly just because of your appearance. I am sure you have a beautiful soul, and I am sure that will eventually shine through to people. You really do deserve so much better.
Remember: You are still very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take little steps each day to boost your self-confidence. For instance, try to notice some of the amazing aspects of who you are. Things will get better, I promise.
Sincerely,
Sydney

My wife has started saying she hates herself because “I won’t let her go party, drink until drunk, do drugs, or sleep with anyone that isn’t me”. I don’t mind her going out and having fun within the realms of legality, but we have children at home and I just want her to be responsible and mindful of that. Instead she yells I hate my life and my feelings dont matter. I fear she may be going through a midlife crisis and maybe that’s why she is acting this way. Our oldest son does similar things when he doesn’t get his way.

Hi,I am very worried about my health issues and life problems. No body likes me. I am 29 years old now and I hate myself that no body send me proposal for marriage. The guy I want to marry but he married with another girl now I m upset because he rejected me. Now I want to do something bad to myself please tell me what I should do bad with myself so I can’t punish myself for all these situations that I have created. My mother and sister also force me to start workout and improve myself but I don’t want to do it. Please reply me back I’ll be very thankful to you. .

Your comments really connected me with you.
I suffered all my entire life since childhood.
Being made feel worthless
useless
unattractive
My opinion being put in the category of
Negative thinking,
not worthy of introducing
Me as their child.
Always telling me and comparing others with myself.
Always telling me to become like them.
Telling me I am good for nothing.
No attractive personality.
No good looks.
Thick skinned
Dusky voice tone.
More on the darker side than my
elders brother and my elder sisters.
Ashamed of me.
Not worthy of clicking my picture since childhood
Not telling me anything about myself
Like how I was born any related to childhood memory
Always letting negative aspects about me.
How irritating I was as a child
A nuisance a burden on us.
My parents always treated me differently
Than my elders brother and sisters.
They are more perfect and acceptable to my
Parents.
They are always proffered above me
And I am always neglected.
Always treated differently and like I am a burden
To my parents and and an unwanted child.
I have faced differential treatment by my parents all my life.
This behavior of not inclusive into family
Is being carried forward by my elder brother and sister sisters.
I am just a use and trow like a tissue paper
Always got treated like I am not a human being
I do have feeling, they just don’t care about it
They are least bothered.
I because of all these experiences since childhood and now being 50plus age
I have never loved oneself.
Always hated myself for being born.
Being born a girl.
Not being in the category of the imagination or
They wanted their children to be.
I have everything about myself since childhood
My entire life my thinking my personality
Have been destroyed.
I am suffering from these issues since birth.
But today when I am writing my opinion I
I am feeling a bit relief about myself.
I have never expressed openly about myself or my issues openly.
Everyone makes me feel ridiculed.
People laugh at you.
They pity you for having such issues.
They mock you.
My family my parents my elder sisters and elder
Brother also did the same thing.
My biological mother used to treat me very
Diiferently from my elders brother and sisters.
My mother always ridiculed me in front of family
Relatives cousin brother’s and cousin sisters.
My mother’s always did religiouly my
Negative publicity about me. In front of
Entire family and friends and relatives.
My mother was extremely vocal about
My negative publicity.
Not even and inch of such negative publicity was
Done by my mother regarding my elder brother and sisters.
I have since childhood experiencing such
Negative publicity differential treatment
Treating like a tissue paper.
I wish I was born as a single child of my
Parents.
My personality of 50plus years would have bee
Been better.
It was releasing my trapped inner feeling
If 50plus years.

A

Posting this article with an image of a slim beautiful young woman immediately makes me think you have no idea what you’re doing. A lot of self hate involves body image, particularly for women. Why have an image at all and if you must why not a non human image or one of an “average” person. I’m repeatedly dumbfounded by how thoughtless so many articles on mental health are when using images to accompany articles. Go away and think a bit more about the people you are trying to advise