Many of us know from personal experience that it’s those times when we feel warm, open, and optimistic that we meet the most people and have the most rewarding experiences. Remaining open to other people in this way is, in many ways, scarier than being a cynic. It actually requires more strength to stay vulnerable than to self-protect, but it’s usually the only way to get what we really want.

So, what efforts can we each make to live in a more open and vulnerable place and be less cynical?

1. Broaden your horizons – If you’re searching for someone, you may consider making your search a little broader. The ultimate aim is to find someone who makes you happy and who allows you to be yourself, not to meet a laundry list of criteria so specific that you miss out on opportunities you immediately dismiss. There are many unexpected rewards that can come from dating outside your comfort zone.

2. Be wary of generalizations – One exercise that can be helpful is to make a list of some of the negative generalizations you make that may get in the way of your ability to be open. One person in your life may very well have held some terrible qualities, but if you project these qualities or expect them from the next person, you aren’t giving that person a fair shot.

3. Keep asking yourself, “what would make the best story?” – Dating requires some resilience. The more you can see your life as an adventure and have some trust that you’ll get where you want to go eventually, the more you can enjoy the ride rather than be fearful and punishing about every choice you make. Getting cynical is a good way of closing doors and avoiding taking risks. Instead of always saying, “Is this the right decision? What will go wrong? Don’t take a chance,” maybe try asking yourself, “could this make a good story?”

The point isn’t to be frivolous or self-destructive but to actually let yourself off the hook and have a sense that it’s okay to make mistakes – that it’s part of the adventure life will always be no matter how cautious you are. People who are risk-averse tend to not date as much, but you can actually build your resilience by taking chances and learning from experience that you’ll be okay even if you get hurt at times.

4. Take a chance – Think about if there is anybody you already know who may possess the qualities you’re looking for. Perhaps you’ve been talking yourself out of this possibility for various reasons. Maybe, your critical inner voice has been discouraging you. What would it feel like to stop the shut downs and cynicism and to just consider that person from a more open angle? You may even want to try taking an action like asking that person out or just spending a little more time with them.

In the SoulPancake video I mentioned before, the interviewer concluded each interview by asking people to call someone who they felt had the qualities they’re looking for and to tell them how they feel about them. What surprised me was just how good each of these individuals felt just from making the call, regardless of its outcome. They reported feeling stronger and more vital from being vulnerable and direct.

5. Press the pause button on criticism – It’s one thing to have standards and to not be willing to settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy. It’s another thing to be wrapped so deeply in doubt and criticism that you stop seeing the good in others. It may seem like an oversimplification (and a cliché) to simply say stop being so picky, but you would most likely benefit from dialing down the judgment. And that doesn’t just mean toward others. If you are like most people, there is no one you are more critical of and cynical about than yourself.

It’s important to be realistic and accept that no one is perfect. Every one of us has limitations, and in our stumbling, we’re bound to hurt one another at times. You’re not going to find perfection, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle. It just means you should shape your standards from a more open and accepting place.

Choosing a positive outlook over cynicism is in our own best interest regardless of its effects on our relationships. For instance, studies have found pessimism to predict paranoid hostility, cynicism, and depression, while optimism has been linked to “better subjective well-being in times of adversity or difficulty.” Other studies have shown that high levels of cynicism correlate with higher stroke risk and lower income. A study of women revealed that most cynical, hostile participants had higher rates of coronary heart disease and higher hazards for cancer-related mortality and total mortality.

Being optimistic can be good for us alone, but it tends to have the added benefit of dramatically improving relationships as well. Research has shown that optimists who expected better outcomes in their relationships actually experienced more relationship satisfaction and even predicted relationship status and partner satisfaction. One study published by the Association for Psychological Science reported that, “When people are able to quell their concerns about self-protection, they are free to think and behave in ways that create the kinds of bonds that will satisfy their need for connectedness (and bolster their self-esteem). When people cannot escape the need for self-protective caution, however, they set the stage for cycles of negative interactions that are likely to erode their relationships.” In other words, when they expect good things and are less self-protective in their thinking, there are more positive outcomes in their relationships.

We are always better off being undefended and inviting new experiences that can reshape even our most stubborn attitudes toward relationships than allowing these attitudes to shape the kind of relationships we experience. We are also much more likely to find what we want when we don’t allow ourselves to become hardened by cynicism and fixed in our point of view. At the end of the day, being open-minded and optimistic can enhance our well-being and mental health as well as our interpersonal relationships.