A few years ago, I was talking to my friend and colleague Dr. Daniel Siegel, a leader in the field of interpersonal neurobiology. We were discussing how and why people find themselves stuck in certain relationship patterns. Dr. Siegel explained that our brains are actually wired to recreate conditions from our past. Our early experiences… Read more »
Read More
There’s a nasty defense mechanism that undermines and sabotages your efforts to have love in your life: your critical inner voice. It comes at you from all sides; it goes after you, it badmouths your partner, it slams your relationship, and it attacks love in general. We are mostly unaware of this internal enemy and… Read more »
Read More
Conflict between a couple can often feel convoluted and layered in ways that are hard to make sense of. But, there is one dynamic that may be a bit easier to wrap our heads around. Very often, couples get into trouble when one person takes the role of a parent, and the other, the role of… Read more »
Read More
Do you ever feel like you need a friend’s support? But then stop yourself from reaching out? For all of us, healthy relationships matter. In fact, deep relationships are essential to being a healthy human being. For trauma survivors—or those who are experiencing or have experienced post-partum depression or mood disorders (which is also trauma)—the act… Read more »
Read More
Over the past 30 years of working as a psychologist doing individual and group therapy, I have often seen men struggling to maintain either the romance or friendship or both in their intimate relationships. It’s a subject I’ve been investigating and exploring for much of my professional and personal life. I’ve often noticed my men… Read more »
Read More
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ― Rumi When it comes to the pursuit of finding love, many of us feel powerless – like it’s completely outside of our control. That’s not to say that there’s any… Read more »
Read More
While the term “love addiction” may be controversial among mental health professionals, having an overwhelming or obsessive compulsion toward love or a loved one is not uncommon. Love addictions are formed as a defense against psychological pain. Love addicts have a fantasy of being rescued by their loved one and often believe that this one… Read more »
Read More
I often speak to people who are in distress over the way their romantic partner treats them. They believe that they want to be close, but that their partner is preventing it by being “condescending”, “critical,” “irresponsible,” “distant,” or “rejecting.” This makes them feel terrible or forces them to take control, demand attention, or stand up for themselves. They… Read more »
Read More
“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~ Paulo Coelho Moving on from a relationship is one of the most difficult transitions in a person’s life. And while each of us moves on in our own way and on our own time, one truth is almost universal: we… Read more »
Read More
Many struggles we face in our current interpersonal relationships arise from a core defense formed in childhood known as the “fantasy bond.” Maybe you’re wondering why you’re losing the “spark” between you and your partner or why you can’t seem to stop worrying about your kids. You may be surprised to learn that what’s really at… Read more »
Read More
