PsychAlive
PsychAlive is a free, nonprofit resource created by the Glendon Association. Help support our effort to bring psychological information to the public by making a donation.
I’m divorced and in the middle of my divorced someone came along. someone that I met at work. he made me laugh and gave me strength to get out of this relationship until I got divorced, moved to another house, etc. he is fantastic, very funny, some people at work dislike him, but people, who get to know him finds him very funny but reserved. I started a secret relationship with him that then i couldnt manage. I felt awful that I couldn’t tell my other friends at work that I was going out with him; he started to go to my place more often and while he was not travelling , he was with me. I wanted to end the relationship many times, because it hurt me to deceive everyone at weor. But I couldn’t end it because It is nice to be with him ; he has the same ideals and morals of life that i have, which i didn’t share with my previous husband. everything is good about him. except that he doesn’t say much about his feelings ,he is not romantic at all, he is too simple in his way of looking life. He is cetain that he wants children and a dog . he is part of a big family and i dont know what I want , definitely not a dog. he is ok looking, but he is a bit shorter than me and it bothers me very much. i havent told him this directly , but i encourage ehim to wear shoes that make him taller . i dont feel in high heels , when I am next to him and I think I feel ashamed of telling people that he is my boyfriend, after all he is short, with a small belly, common . I was a model, but I left it because I dont like this superficial world. this is why I feel guilty that I feel so ashamed about my boyfriend and i dont know if this is right to end a relationship based on physical looking ? he asked me too marry him and i felt so scared an empty when he did it and although my first answer was not but maybe and my second yes but next day I dont know if this is right . and he doesnt say what he feels about my indecisions ; he is concentrating in organizing his perfect wedding for this october, which causes me nauseas . I am happier when i accept him for what he is , but it just take a movie, a picture of a normal couple: the man taller than the woman for me to feel terribly sad and confused again. should i change my concept of mind so that I feel happier or should I broke up with my boyfriend, fiance once and for all . now we live together since 1 month ago, i left my job, i feel so vulnerable . i dont know what to do? a life with him sounds good, but it lack of something . and the biggest fear of all if thAT if I end this relationship , I wont have chldren in this life. it is too late for me. I am 39
Tish
You have already made up your mind. Don’t settle just because you think you can’t or won’t find the someone who better suites you. A man that can’t express emotions or even say how he feels about you sounds like a narcissist. How is his relationship with his mother? If he doesn’t have a good relationship with her there a huge chance he not going to know how to treat you or even care about your feelings at all. ( I’m speaking from experience past and current.) To me it seems as though he gave you an incentive to get the divorce. Maybe a little courage and companionship. Like a little ego boost to give you hope for the future. And that’s all fine but of can’t if your heart don’t skip a beat when you think about seeing him, then it never will. And who wants to live like that. He served his purpose, besides it not fair to him either of your not feeling it. Listen to your heart love yourself find your happiness and the rest will fall into place.
Ps 39 is not too old to have kids besides he’s not the only man out there that wants kids and I bet they’re taller too. Yes, I said what I said. Now go make YOU happy
I’m divorced and in the middle of my divorced someone came along. someone that I met at work. he made me laugh and gave me strength to get out of this relationship until I got divorced, moved to another house, etc. he is fantastic, very funny, some people at work dislike him, but people, who get to know him finds him very funny but reserved. I started a secret relationship with him that then i couldnt manage. I felt awful that I couldn’t tell my other friends at work that I was going out with him; he started to go to my place more often and while he was not travelling , he was with me. I wanted to end the relationship many times, because it hurt me to deceive everyone at weor. But I couldn’t end it because It is nice to be with him ; he has the same ideals and morals of life that i have, which i didn’t share with my previous husband. everything is good about him. except that he doesn’t say much about his feelings ,he is not romantic at all, he is too simple in his way of looking life. He is cetain that he wants children and a dog . he is part of a big family and i dont know what I want , definitely not a dog. he is ok looking, but he is a bit shorter than me and it bothers me very much. i havent told him this directly , but i encourage ehim to wear shoes that make him taller . i dont feel in high heels , when I am next to him and I think I feel ashamed of telling people that he is my boyfriend, after all he is short, with a small belly, common . I was a model, but I left it because I dont like this superficial world. this is why I feel guilty that I feel so ashamed about my boyfriend and i dont know if this is right to end a relationship based on physical looking ? he asked me too marry him and i felt so scared an empty when he did it and although my first answer was not but maybe and my second yes but next day I dont know if this is right . and he doesnt say what he feels about my indecisions ; he is concentrating in organizing his perfect wedding for this october, which causes me nauseas . I am happier when i accept him for what he is , but it just take a movie, a picture of a normal couple: the man taller than the woman for me to feel terribly sad and confused again. should i change my concept of mind so that I feel happier or should I broke up with my boyfriend, fiance once and for all . now we live together since 1 month ago, i left my job, i feel so vulnerable . i dont know what to do? a life with him sounds good, but it lack of something . and the biggest fear of all if thAT if I end this relationship , I wont have chldren in this life. it is too late for me. I am 39
You have already made up your mind. Don’t settle just because you think you can’t or won’t find the someone who better suites you. A man that can’t express emotions or even say how he feels about you sounds like a narcissist. How is his relationship with his mother? If he doesn’t have a good relationship with her there a huge chance he not going to know how to treat you or even care about your feelings at all. ( I’m speaking from experience past and current.) To me it seems as though he gave you an incentive to get the divorce. Maybe a little courage and companionship. Like a little ego boost to give you hope for the future. And that’s all fine but of can’t if your heart don’t skip a beat when you think about seeing him, then it never will. And who wants to live like that. He served his purpose, besides it not fair to him either of your not feeling it. Listen to your heart love yourself find your happiness and the rest will fall into place.
Ps 39 is not too old to have kids besides he’s not the only man out there that wants kids and I bet they’re taller too. Yes, I said what I said. Now go make YOU happy